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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Saturday, September 20, 2014

Weekend Writing Warrior: September 21, 2014

Welcome Warriors, and Snipsuns.  So glad you could stop by for a visit. :-)  The last (official) weekend of summer is racing by. WOW! We have some red leaves here already.
 
     Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good.

     Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE


      The travelers are now on the boat that is taking them upriver into the Firce Mountains.  Tayden has just asked Wiley(river driver) if his Maker ever answers when he talks to him.  Wiley's answering him, telling him a story from "back before this hair was gray."   :-)  We are still in Kad's POV. Final sentence from last week:


"Fore I knowed  it, that old wood boat was taking a tumble in front of a wall of water.”
Creative punctuation to make this fit.




"Now, I won’t lie, I coulda just as easily pissed my pants as not. Maybe I did. Never been so scared in my life—I  didn’t think I was gonna come out the other side alive. Everything was dark: the sky, the air, the water. Couldn’t tell up from down. While we were fallin’ into the inky deep, I caught a glimpse of my fare just before the rolling boat launched him. He had this strange, peaceful look on his face.  And then the water swallowed me, and I was holdin my breath and fighting for the surface."





 That's it. What works, what doesn't?

A quick note: Since it affects some of our regulars--and because we're all writers and ultimately, these challenges affect us all.  For Ellora's Cave authors who are now having difficulties getting paid--I 
don't know what caused it, but I hope it's cleared up quickly.

Thank you so much for visiting and sharing your opinion. I'm grateful for each and every opinion, and each and every one of you!

50 comments:

  1. I adore how Wiley speaks with pictures and not just words. Love your use of description. Can't wait to hear the rest of Wiley's account. Great 8.

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  2. oooh, you left us on a cliff hanger! (and love "inky depths", beautiful metaphor)

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  3. You did such a great job with Wiley's story, Teresa!:)

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  4. Great dialect with Wiley's voice. I got a great sense of him. I liked the water swallowing him up at the end.

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  5. I like the "inky depths," too, but I'm only 50-50 on it. Looks good on paper and reads good.
    Is it in character for the person who says it? Is he that erudite? Obviously you would know, but does that guy talk that way all the time?

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    1. Wonderful, simply wonderful observation, Chip! I'd have never caught that. Will be tweaking it. Thanks!

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  6. You're always so descriptive, Teresa. Very nice!

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  7. Love the story he tells and the way he tells it. Maybe "holdin' my breath fightin' for the surface" might fit better. Leave out 'and'.

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  8. the visual from your description was perfect. this snippet was wonderful. I could practically feel the water.

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  9. That's a terrifying scene no one would ever forget. It makes sense he remembers it in such descriptive detail.

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  10. Oh goodness, each week, I say it again. I love Wiley! He's pulled me in with his story, can't wait to see how this ends.

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    1. Millie, I think we all need a Wiley in our lives. :-) Thanks for visiting! :-)

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  11. Hmmm...something about his fare doesn't sound right...as if he knew all along what was coming.

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  12. I'm intrigued that in the middle of such a dire situation, the fare was so calm. Makes me wonder....this is a fascinating story. Great snippet!

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  13. Hi, I don't know if my comment went through.... I was mentioning the leaves are falling by the numbers here also. It's crazy, I'm not ready for winter yet. I love how you establish the voice of your character. Also, in the closing sentence "And then the water swallowed me, and I was holdin my breath and fighting for the surface," you completely left me hanging. Awesome read!

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    1. It looks like an early autumn, this year. Well, maybe it's more that autumn has no plans to linger. :-)

      Thanks for all the encouraging words, Neva! :-)

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  14. Wiley sounds like my FIL (and most of the older men around here) - and that's a good thing. I think I understand the fare's look of peace. With my last child, I was facing a possible miscarriage when I undertook to ask my Maker some questions.
    Once I accepted whatever the outcome might be, I felt a peace unlike I've ever felt before or since that time.

    Not sure to what the last couple of paragraphs refer, but sending virtual "got your back" support. :O)

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    1. Thanks, LuAnn. That is very kind of you! :-)

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  15. I think I've said this before, but I like Wiley :) He's a great character, and you've managed to make him so real. This snippet was enjoyable and easy to read. I'm definitely curious about how Wiley gets out of this situation!

    Part of me wonders if it is premature for the guy to have a peaceful look on his face as he's tossed into the water. I imagine he's panicking as he was launched out of the boat. Maybe he can't swim, so he struggles to keep afloat, and as he grows weaker he accepts his impending death. But everyone has a different reaction to panic and fear.

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    1. I might post this section in its entirety on my blog when I';m done with it. Sometimes the 8 sentence limit really pulls things out of context. Thanks for visiting, PB!

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  16. Fascinating, terrifying, I was right there with Wiley as he continues to tell his story. Great snippet, Teresa!

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    1. That really means so much to me, Sue Ann. Thank you!

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  18. Another powerful snippet with beautiful descriptions. Wiley is amazing;).
    I am not quite sure about the last sentence. Wiley says the water swallowed him, which makes me think he is pulled underneath the water at that point, but before that he describes how there is no light in the water, no up or down, meaning he is already under water when the water swallows him. Just a small thing that made me stumble.

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    1. Thanks for the observation, Tina. I take it all into consideration. :-)

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  19. I love this character's voice. Well done!!

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  20. We have several folks who talk this way in the Ruralia County section of the Netherworld. I've always enjoyed writing in dialect. I like this good ole boy, he's quite the character!
    Thanks for visiting us at http://animalanarchy.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks, Wanda! He is quite the character. :-)

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  21. This snippet was full of emotion. I love it. Cant wait for next week.

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  22. Love this character's voice. It can be hard to get dialect right, but you've done it!

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  23. The passenger really stands out as the calm IN the storm, Teresa.

    I really love this story. :)

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  24. I really liked this snippet. I can picture the guy telling it with a daydream, lost in thought expression. I can't even imagine almost drowning. I'm so scared of the water!

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    1. Water like this is very scary. Thanks for visiting, Yawatta!

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