Welcome to my world and beyond...

A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Weekend Writing Warriors: September 14, 2014




 



Welcome Warriors, and Snipsuns.  So glad you could stop by for a visit. :-) Holy speeding-by-year! September is almost half over!

 
     Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good.

     Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE


      The travelers are now on the boat that is taking them upriver into the Firce Mountains.  Tayden has just asked Wiley(river driver) if his Maker ever answers when he talks to him.  Wiley's answering him, telling him a story from "back before this hair was gray."   :-)  We are still in Kad's POV.




So, on a day when best I should’a stayed home and been countin' my money instead’a hauling foreigners into questionable weather, I headed upstream. That heavy sky opened up and damnation poured down. Chunks of ice like broken glass pelted us, and the lightning tore open seams in the black clouds."

Tayden, who’d looked just a tad dubious when the old man had begun, now listened, unblinking.

Wiley looked toward the water, the riverbanks, then his passengers, but didn’t seem to actually see any of it; his gaze was distant, at a place and time in yesteryear. “The hail and strikes weren’t nothin' compared to the wind that came cursing down the river. Was the breath of the devil himself, I think. Fore I knowed  it, that old wood boat was taking a tumble in front of a wall of water.”


 That's it. What works, what doesn't? Thank you so much for visiting and sharing your opinion! I'm grateful for each and every opinion, and each and every one of you!

27 comments:

  1. Reminds me of my Dad when he used to tell us stories. ;D

    Terrific snippet, Teresa!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Does it work? You betch your bottom dollar it does. LOVE the way you've captured his story and language.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sounds like one heck of a storm! I'm enjoying how you bring out Wiley's manners of speech. He's quite poetic.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I loved the visual of the storm. Wow! I could see it perfectly in my mind.

    ReplyDelete
  5. "lightning’d like" was a bit cumbersome when I tried to say it, but I really liked the wind "cursing" down the river.
    Whether you intending a double entendre (coursing) or not, it worked for me!

    ReplyDelete
  6. "damnation poured down" -- wow, what a strong metaphor, love it!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Wiley's absolutely the best, and I love his voice. The breath of the devil himself. I can just picture Wiley, he's so real to me!

    ReplyDelete
  8. The picture you painted of the storm was wonderful. Very descriptive!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I love Wiley's voice. I can picture him there, looking out into the distance lost in the distant memory of the time when he almost lost his life against a storm. Fantastic snippet, Teresa!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Great voice! Enjoyable snippet with loads of character.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Oh, boy, I can picture that and have been in weather like that. Nicely done, Teresa. :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Terrific 8, Teresa. Wiley's voice is very clear, and I love your descriptions, esp. the wind cursing! I do agree with FC and think you can reduce the use of dialect a bit without sacrificing the clarity of his tone. :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Tayden wasn't the only one leaning in. Wiley had me enthralled. Fantastic snippet!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Everything works. I was as caught up in the story as Tayden.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Looks good to me. You captured the wild weather dead-on! I love how Wiley doesn't seem to notice anything.

    ReplyDelete
  16. You've created quite the storyteller, Teresa!

    I can't wait to hear the rest of this---Sundays are too far apart! :D

    ReplyDelete
  17. Wiley sure is a great storyteller, Love his colorful way of speaking. And the description of the storm hints of dangers to come in the present. Well done!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Although I like the country sound of it, I just got back from a writer's conference where an editor told us not to drop letters from the ends of words, but instead show the country voice in occasional internal thought. I bet another editor might say something totally different.

    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com/2014/09/weekend-writing-warriors-september-14.html

    ReplyDelete
  19. Just love this line: That heavy sky opened up and damnation poured down. I could really feel the weight of the weather! I

    ReplyDelete
  20. The descriptions were great. The chunks of ice line...loved it.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Wow, Wiley's words sure paint a vivid picture and draw the reader right into it. Great 8.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Your words paint a fun image. Excellent voice. Drew me in.

    ReplyDelete
  23. What works: EVERYTHING! Love this snippet and your writing in general, Teresa. It's always such a treat reading your work. The first paragraph especially is beautifully written. Well done! :)

    ReplyDelete
  24. My favorite line was "Chunks of ice like broken glass pelted us" and I enjoyed that Tayden had a turn around in attitude. It seems like the speaker has his audience's attention.

    Keep smiling,
    Yawatta

    ReplyDelete
  25. Love the voice and descriptions here. It's such a great snippet!

    ReplyDelete