Welcome to my world and beyond...

A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Saturday, September 27, 2014

Weekend Writing Warriors: September 28, 2014

Welcome Warriors, and Snipsuns.  So glad you could stop by for a visit. :-)  

The last weekend of September. WOW! WOW! WOW!

Before you move on this week, I've posted (below my snippet) the link to a First Page Review (first 1,000 words) bloghop. If you have time, please give it a read and maybe think about it? :-)
 
     Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good.

     Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE


      The travelers are now on the boat that is taking them upriver into the Firce Mountains.  Tayden has just asked Wiley(river driver) if his Maker ever answers when he talks to him.  Wiley's answering him, telling him a story from "back before this hair was gray."   :-)  We are still in Kad's POV. Final sentence from last week:



"And then the water swallowed me, and I was holdin' my breath and fighting for the surface.
Possible creative punctuation at work.


"When I finally broke onto the top of the water, the boat was upright and bucking wild. It must have righted itself while I was under. I tried swimming for it, but every time I came to the surface, a big wave shoved me back down. It sure seemed like I was sucking in way more water than air." Wiley scrunched his face and shook his head from side to side before he continued. "Then, and I still can’t explain how, the water settled real still between me and the boat. I swam over to it in a hurry, like the devil was nippin' at my heels. I looked up and seen that the man of different skin was already on board, leaning over the side with his hand reaching toward me."  That's it. What works, what doesn't?

 
Blog-hop announcement: There is a linky-list posted here, for the First Page Review bloghop . This is separate from Weekend Writing Warriors.
     The idea is this:
Do you want to know what  readers think when they read the first page of your book?  
     I don't know about anyone else, but I'm probably more insecure about the first page than I am about anything else. The idea of trying to grab a readers' attention, and to try to entice them with the beginning of a story is an enormous challenge. And like most writers, I'm blind to my own work. And I can't be completely different from other writers--you guys are a little insecure, too, right?  :-) 
     That's the motivation for the First Page Review. You can post up to 1,000 words--the beginning of a book, published or unpublished, a manuscript, or an unfinished WIP. The blog-hop will run the month of October. I've already posted mine. And, my book's title looks awfully lonely on the sign up list. ~smiling~
Thank you so much for visiting and sharing your opinion. I'm grateful for each and every opinion, and each and every one of you!

52 comments:

  1. What works are your wonderful word choices that show your voice, such as - bucking wild, it sure seemed, sucking in, and settled real still. What doesn't work is dropping the final g on all of the ing words. I recently attended a conference where the editor mentioned not to do this, and I can see why. It's a strong distraction rather than enhancing the voice. Add the g's back in and you'll have a wonderful snippet.

    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com/2014/09/wewriwa-on-last-weekend-of-september.html

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  2. I really like Wiley's colorful descriptions, he literally paints everything with his words. One line though didn't sound like him, not sure why, "I tried swimming for it, but every time I came to the surface, a big wave shoved me back down." I am curious if other readers think the same or not. Great 8.

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    1. Thanks, Chelle! I take it all into consideration. And I certainly want to maintain his voice. :-)

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  3. BTW, I posted in the First Page Review bloghop (nervous!)

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  4. I love the voice and flow of the story, and have been in every excerpt. You're created a wonderful narrative within the narrative. =D

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  5. I like the visual of him sitting there and explaining with a shake of his head what he has been through. The voice comes across very well.

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  6. Wonderful pacing and descriptions throughout. I like how the wave brings her down when she tries to reach for the boat.

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  7. An interesting anecdote and of course I'm wondering what his passenger may have had to do with the water calming just in time. Can't wait for more!

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  8. Awesome snippet. I could imagine the fear that he had while trying to get to the boat as the waves were around him. I remember once being in stronger waters than I was prepared for and that ultimate fear, so I could relate to your character, I could feel his relief in getting to the boat and the character of a different skin being there already, made me wonder if it was a godly or spiritual being, or if it was someone else. Very interesting...

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    1. :-) I'm glad you're wondering about it Neva. :-) In the book I might have the story interrupted in the middle just to prolong the mystery for a page or so. :-)

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  9. Still loving it. I too am wondering what powers the stranger might have had. Very nice.

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  10. I really like Wiley's dialogue and think the missing g's help me picture him better. I'm not so sure about getting rid of them. It absolutely makes him rustic to me, and helps frame his character.

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    1. Millie, I'm leaning your way. You write fantasy--and no doubt read fantasy. I think losing the g's might be something that straight up romance genres don't see much of, or appreciate like fantasy does. And my target audience will be fantasy readers. Thanks for sharing your opinion. :-)

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  11. Nice snippet, Teresa. As for the first chapter insecurity, I save that for my critique partners. Once they've looked it over, I let the fear go. I know I won't please everyone, but I have made it the best for me. If I'm satisfied with my writing, and I've done my best, then the rest is just gravy. :)

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    1. Thanks for the advice, Siobhan. I'm at a disadvantage with crit partners, right now. I lost mine in June. I'm looking at sites like Scribophile, right now. So much time involved though. I miss the chapter swap with my crit partner.

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  12. Lose the g's. The rustic voice is perfect. And the last sentence is the crowning glory with the still water and man of color. Re: insecurity, I say, write, read and reread until it resounds with passion to grab the reader right away. I'm in and will post right away. Thanks as always.

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    1. Thanks, Charmaine. And I'm so lad that you're in! :-)

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  13. This scene must be important. It seems long, although I may be reacting to my perception that it has been in several of your snippets.
    Here's a couple of articles that address your concern:
    1) http://venturegalleries.com/blog/opening-filled-will-illusions-delusions/

    2) http://venturegalleries.com/blog/reading-can-teach-wrong-way-write/

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    1. It is long, and will be moved to later in the book. Wiley was just a bit player. Didn't even have a name in the first draft. Ha!

      Thanks for the links, Chip! :-) I'll put them to good use. :-)

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  14. I like Wiley's voice as is. And the story has captured my imagination in every way. Love the world and the detailed meeting of characters. Nice!

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    1. Woot! That means so much to me, Gem. Thank you :-)

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  15. Everything works. Wiley is a wonderful character, and I love what's he's trying to convey.

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  16. I get a sense of some strange powers at work here. Wonder who this stranger is.

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  17. Oh this adds an interesting element. The man of different skin could be color, texture, Christ, an other being of some kind or mythical God. Very good Teresa!
    History Sleuth - Milk Carton Murders

    I might think about that one pager hop. :)

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    1. You are thinking along the right lines, Cindy! Thanks :-)

      I hope you give the first page a try. ;-)

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  18. As a teenager, I almost drowned, and you conveyed that feeling really well. I started to feel a little short of breath. I'm enjoying this scene!

    The other bloghop sounds interesting. I just keep going back and changing my beginning, so I don't know if I'll have anything to post. I'll certainly think about it. It might motivate me!

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    1. Squee! Thanks, Christina.

      I think the First Page hop might be good for suggestions. I can see that I've already benefited from it. :-) I hope you give it a try. :-)

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  19. This reminiscence continues to get more intense and terrifying! He's lucky he made it out alive.

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    1. Yep, he is. Thanks for all of your encouragement, Carrie-Anne!

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  20. Wonderful imagery! I could feel the panic and the fear of drowning. Well done.

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    1. I am so glad that came through. Thanks, Karen!

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  21. Wow! This story keeps getting better every week, Teresa!

    The descriptions are gorgeous, too. :D

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    1. THAT so totally makes my day, Sue Ann. Thank you!

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  23. Wonderful! I've said it before and I'll say it again, I love Wiley and I love the voice you've given him. (I'm going to check out that blog hop- sounds interesting ;-) )

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    1. Oh, that Wiley...he's a wiley one. Everybody likes him. ;-) Thanks for visiting, Elyzabeth. :-)

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  24. Your excerpts are always so visual; I love that about your writing. :-)

    Personally, I'm not sure you need to specify "from side to side"; that may be a hair not worth splitting. Still, it's minor and I could make the argument that it's part of Wiley's speech pattern.

    Anxious to find out what happens from here! Have you got a lot of this story written? It feels like you have and I'm hoping we get see a lot more!

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    1. Thanks, Marcia. That might be because when I start typing, I'm long-winded. I'm actually kind of quiet in the non-digital world. :-)

      I'm not sure about removing the side to side. I'll prolly leave it unless I come up with another way to express his physical show of disbelief.

      The rough draft of this story is actually finished. It stands at 94,000 words. It's a stand alone, but leaves room for a sequel with the ending it has. :-)

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  25. Really like this whole passage, Teresa!!:D

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