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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Saturday, September 6, 2014

Weekend Writing Warriors: September 7, 2014




 



Welcome Warriors, and Snipsuns.  So glad you could stop by for a visit. :-) We've just today taken a turn toward autumn-ish weather. This morning we were in shorts and tanks-mid 80s and humid. This afternoon, mid 60s and windy. Remind me in January how I whined about the hot and humid weather. :-)

 
     Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good.

     Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE


      The travelers are now on the boat that is taking them upriver into the Firce Mountains.  Tayden has just asked Wiley(river driver) if his Maker ever answers when he talks to him.  Wiley's answering him, telling him a story from "back before this hair was gray."   :-)  We are still in Kad's POV.




"I'll never forget the day, or him. He wasn’t like me, no, he was real soft-spoken. And I remember his eyes, like they was lookin' right though me. Right off I reckoned he was a stranger to these parts... a man of different skin, different people. And I recollect thinkin' I had no need for him or his kind. He was no more a person to me than the rocks on the riverbank was. And if the rocks could'a paid me, I’d have hauled them upriver too. 'Money’s money' was what I always said." 

I'm seriously considering separating this story about his Maker answering him, from the rest of their first meeting, and have Wiley tell it to Tayden when it's just the two of them together. I'm concerned that Wiley will come off "preachy"--as Marcia rightly cautioned me a couple of weeks ago--if I have too much of it too close together. The story has to stay (for now),  since all of you lovely wewriwa readers have reacted positively to it. Wiley was originally a very insignificant character. But he's come to life right here in wewriwa posts. And I think he will work well as a confidante, and as a filter for Tayden to run his experience with Jumans through. Especially after Kad and Drave leave him on this world, alone. Ahem...you all knew that was coming, right? He's being stashed here in the boonies for his own safety.

That's it. What works, what doesn't? Thank you so much for visiting and sharing your opinion! I'm grateful for each and every opinion, and each and every one of you! 

56 comments:

  1. "...no more a person to me than the rocks on the riverbank..." - interesting insight into Wiley's way of thinking. Comes across here as rather more insular and judgmental than I had thought up to now.

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    1. Thanks, Ian. Isn't it funny--how different words speak to different readers? :-)

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  2. I really like the idea of a private conversation between Wiley and Tayden. Wiley is really growing on us each week in these snippets. Great 8.

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  3. Love it! This sounds like an interesting story.

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  4. Fantastic character voice. More, please! =D

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  5. I like the private conversation idea, too---I'm not finding this preachy, as is, but it's only 8 sentences at a time. And poor Tayden does need a confidant.

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  6. Nice character voice. I wonder if Tayden will buy into it. Sorry fall weather is hitting you a little early.

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    1. Thanks, Frank :-) I admit to liking the fall weather. If it weren't for the mosquitoes and flies, I could probably live much farther north than I do. :-) !

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  7. If Tayden's not going to have the company of *anybody* he knows, how's he going to survive on this world? If his friends think Wiley can be trusted, they might be in favor of him becoming Tayden's confidant so that might work pretty well. I think that opens a lot of possibilities. Best of luck with the story, I know how frustrating is it sometimes to re-work things :-)

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    1. Agh--the challenge of the 8 sentence limit. This is still actually early in the book. The reader hasn't actually learned yet why they're going to this remote world. There have been hints dropped. They're setting him up to survive. ;-) Thanks for visiting, Marcia. :-)

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  8. Another vote on the private conversation- especially if the other two are going to leave him behind. I think it will create a greater bond between Tayden and Wiley, making both characters and an unlikely friendship grow. Great snippet, Teresa! (and yay on the cooler weather I'm desperately waiting for it here. lol)

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  9. Tayden/Wiley=perfect. Wiley has his own way during his tale and doesn't shy away from some unpleasant traits. Please continue, Teresa.

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  10. I'm in favor of separating it, though I worry that I may have an incomplete sense of your scene from just reading the snippets one at the time... If you need more accurate feedback, feel free to send me the whole scene and I'll be happy to take a look !

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    1. Thank you, Elena! That is so incredibly generous of you. I know how busy you are. :-)

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  11. Easy to tell Wiley's had a hard life. He's awesome and gives vibrance to the scene. Think Tayden might need his worldly experience. Great 8!

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  12. I think your new idea for how to handle Wiley is an excellent one. He's just become too "big" and too much of a character inagoodway, now. Excellent excerpt!

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    1. Thanks, Veronica. He has taken on a life of his own. :-)

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  13. I love the way you describe the character. The voice has such a wonderful western feel. The comparison to the rocks is fabulous. Well done!

    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com/

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  14. Love the snippet. I also think a private conversation makes more sense. Although I love Wiley's voice and story, here it seems to be breaking up the tension and action of their perilous journey.

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  15. Wonderful western voice. The comparison to the rocks is fabulous as well as the way the writing flows.

    I've had a bit of trouble posting this morning. At first I couldn't pull up the comment box, and then I got this:

    502. That’s an error.

    The server encountered a temporary error and could not complete your request.

    Please try again in 30 seconds. That’s all we know.

    Hopefully it will work now.

    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com/

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  16. I think a private conversation would work better, too. And Wiley is not showing how he IS, but how he WAS.

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    1. Thanks you for that, Sue Ann. It's hard, 8 sentences at a time, to keep it all in context. It is a memory from long ago. :-)

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  17. I like the private conversation idea too. I like Wiley and I'm all in favor of seeing his relationship with Tayden develop further:)

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  18. I think you're right. He'd make a great person to run to when Tayden's friends leave him behind. Someone to teach him how to live on his own in a strange place. The story didn't seem preachy to me, but I think he'd be a stronger force if Wiley became a mentor down the line. Nicely done, Teresa. :)

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    1. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Siobhan. Much appreciated. :-)

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  19. So Wiley actually takes the Maker on a boat ride? If so, that's pretty cool :D I like how Wiley compares the Maker to the rocks. It captures the essence of knowing something is off, but you can't really put your finger on it. When I was a kid I remember our pastor telling us about his meeting with an angel in McDonalds. Granted, I don't know if it really was an angel, but it was an interesting story I remember to this day.

    In general, long dialogue feels unnatural. How many of us give speeches in our daily life when talking to a friend or anyone else. I've seen it many times both in fanfiction and original fiction. That being said, it doesn't feel unnatural here because he's telling a story. Although it might help to have one of the characters roll their eyes, or do something that makes him stop, and then continue. It would also work as a private conversation. I think the reaction of the listener in that situation might make it more realistic as well.

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  20. I didn't think it was preachy, and I love the comparison to the rocks. That seemed very powerful to me.

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  21. This is excellent writing. I really learn a lot about the character (are they a bit of a bigot? and they're fairly mercenary in their dealings?), but there's enough that's relateable so I can still empathise.

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    1. Thanks, DR. He was, at one time when he was much younger. I'm glad you could empathize. :-)

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  22. There was a scene in "The Tourist Killer" in which one of my beta readers suggested the main character's soliloquy was a bit long and "preachy." So I let her point that out herself in the dialog and let her keep on talking. It got by my editor, so I guess it worked.

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  23. So you have my permission to move part of Wiley's speech here...if you give Wiley some more entertaining fun in this section in its place, and add this elsewhere. I am so in love with Wiley!!!

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    1. :-) Thanks heavens for your permission. It's all good now, Ms Millie ;-) lol

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  24. Love Wiley's western voice! I think it's a great idea to pace what Wiley has to say.

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    1. Thanks, Karen! I'm glad you like the idea. :-)

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  25. I think the instinct to expand Wiley's role is a good one. Sounds like you have a great plan for him now. And yes, give just a hint of this story here and all of it later when the two are alone. Awesome!

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    1. :-D <-- Big smile! Thanks for the encouraging words, Jenna. :-)

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  26. I love the way Wiley talks. Isn't it awesome when secondary or minor characters make themselves into much more important people?

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    1. Yep. I admit, Carrie-Anne, that it hasn't happened to me before. The process has been rather amazing! Thanks for visiting. :-)

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  27. Wiley has a very distinctive voice. I think it's probably a safe bet that he's going to expand his role even if you hadn't expected it to happen. :)

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    1. Amazing how a character demands page on the pages. :-) Thanks, Gem. :-)

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  28. It's really hard to make a character-told story compelling but you're doing a great job with this one! I like how you inserted the descriptive details, his distant look, etc, into the scene. And you really nailed his voice:)

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