Welcome to my world and beyond...

A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Weekend Writing Warriors: August 31, 2014



 



Welcome Warriors, and Snipsuns.  So glad you could stop by for a visit. :-) I can't believe that summer is pretty much kicked in the butt.  I hope you're all having a good Labor Day weekend (end of summer holiday in USA) 

     Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good.

     Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE


      The travelers are now on the boat that is taking them upriver into the Firce Mountains.  Tayden has just asked Wiley(river driver) if his Maker ever answers when he talks to him.  Wiley's begun to answer.  :-)  We are still in Kad's POV.
 


       All eyes were glued on the boat driver as he looked upriver,  corrected his course just a chin hair, then continued. “Since ain’t none of us going nowhere for a good hour yet, let me tell you a story.

     S’quite a while back, before this hair was gray, and long before I’d gotten the ideas of right and wrong honed to a humble shine. I was hauling a fare in my first boat. Common sense told me after one look at the black sky, that dry land was the place to stay. But I was young and invincible. I took the man’s money and gave him a promise to deliver him where he paid to go."

That's it. What works, what doesn't? Thank you so much for visiting and sharing your opinion! It does mean so much. 

30 comments:

  1. I imagine that Wiley found himself in over his head with his first fare - wonder how he managed to pull through. Intriguing snippet.

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  2. Uh-oh! I bet this trip didn't end well!

    BTW - love the line "before this hair was gray" - what a poetic way to show the passage of time.

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  3. I missed a few snippets, but I remember them being on a boat, lol. I thought this was great, and even though I missed a few it pulled me right back into the story ^-^ Doesn't sound like Wiley's story has a happy ending D: I'm definitely curious about what happens next! I like Wiley's dialect. Adds a lot of character.

    I liked this line a lot, "S’quite a while back, before this hair was gray, and long before I’d gotten the ideas of right and wrong honed to a humble shine." It's much more interesting and revealing of Wiley's character than it would be if he just said it was ____ years ago.

    This is just me being super picky :$ The only thing that stopped me was that he corrected the course of the boat by a chin hair. I don't know anything about boats, but it seems like changing the course by 10 micrometers isn't possible. Perhaps you meant it more so metaphorically than literally?

    Looking forward to finding out about the next part of Wiley's story!

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  4. I love the accent in the dialogue. His story starts out good and I imagine it will only get better. I want to know the rest. Nice snippet!

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  5. Ah, I have the impression his first voyage didn't go all that well. Love Wiley's voice Looking forward to more!

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  6. I sure do love Wiley. He just pops off the page every week, larger than life!

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  7. Oh we've got something intriguing here :-) Great way to set up some tension in Wiley's tale. That's a character who won't need much tweaking in later drafts, for sure.

    I'm kind of wondering about that "eyes glued" bit. To me, that often comes off as a cliche. Your style is usually more creative than that so this stands out. I know this is an early draft and you might plan to revisit that later, but wanted to mention it.

    Can't wait to find out what happened on that early trip of his!

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  8. I love Wiley's voice. I can so hear him in my head. And I hope his message isn't lost on his audience. Great 8!

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  9. Love, love Wiley! He is a vivid character. I can see and hear him so clearly! Can't wait to hear the rest of his tale.

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  10. As always, I love your dialogue here! Nice 8.

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  11. I wonder how his passengers feel about hearing how their boat pilot screwed up. Kind of like watching a plane crash movie while on a plane. Seriously though I do enjoy Wiley and love how you tell us about this world through him. I'll enjoy his story because I'm not sitting in his boat, though it feels like it sometimes.

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  12. Uh-oh. I can hear the foreshadowing in his words just from that snippet. Great job, Teresa. :)
    And your map says I'm visiting from Gillette, WY. Not quite, but closer than, say, Montana. ;)

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  13. I really like Wiley's "voice" in this snippet. I can picture him telling his story and love his "sense of right and wrong honed to a humble shine". Your characters are rich and distinct.

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  14. I just pre-ordered this. I am so ready for the next story in your Reaper series. Great snippet.

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  15. Ooh, enticing beginning to his story. I like the character's "voice" and all his phrases. (He should have his own novella at least LOL!) Really a great excerpt!

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  16. More. Tell us more as we gather 'round the fire and listen. Thanks for the treat, Teresa.

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  17. Ah, the battle between common sense and the invincibility of youth.

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  18. I think everything works. I love the way he begins his story, and the part about before his hair was gray is genius.

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  19. It sure does work because I can't wait to hear the rest of the story ! :-)

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  20. I love this line so much: "...long before I’d gotten the ideas of right and wrong honed to a humble shine." Love it!

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  21. Never heard of a "chin hair" as a unit of measure ;) It's quite fitting though, and I'm interested to know the rest of the story.

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  22. You've created a fantastic storyteller, Teresa!

    Guess it takes one to write one. ;)

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  23. I don't think there's going to be a positive ending to this story! At least the driver came out of it alive.

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  24. Love the visual writing. As always you have me there in the moment. Great job.

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  25. I really like this description 'corrected his course just a chin hair, then continued.' the 'chin hair' speaks to the character I really it set a tone and evocative!

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  26. There's a reason he chose that particular story to tell at that moment...

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  27. Sounds like a great book! I think this scene sets the tone for a very interesting story.

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  28. I like the country twang in the dialogue and narration. Moving at a "chin hair" pace put a smile on my face. I like the story being told--makes me think there will be some wisdom or foreshadowing of what's in store for your characters later on in the story.

    Keep smiling,
    Yawatta

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  29. Did they reach where he paid to go? Or is it a clue that this time they also won't get there?

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  30. Not sure if we're on the same page if you saw what I saw… Greetings, earthling. Because I was an actual NDE on the outskirts of the Great Beyond at 15 yet wasn’t allowed in, lemme share with you what I actually know Seventh-Heaven’s Big-Bang’s gonna be like for us if ya believe: meet this ultra-bombastic, ex-mortal-Upstairs for the most extra-blatant-and-groovy, pleasure-beyond-measure, Ultra-Yummy-Reality-Addiction in the Great Beyond for a BIG-ol, kick-ass, party-hardy, robust-N-risqué, eternal-warp-drive you DO NOT wanna miss the sink-your-teeth-in-the-rrrock’nNsmmmokin’-hot-deal. YES! For God, anything and everything and more! is possible!! Meet me Upstairs. Cya soon...

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