Welcome to my world and beyond...

A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Weekend Writing Warriors: November 16, 2014




Welcome Warriors, and Snipsuns.  How are the NanoWriMo-ers doing?  :-) If you're doing Nano this year, and are looking for writing buddies you know, our Jess: Whimsical Quests of a Curious Mind  has started a thread on the nanowrimo site. It's here: http://nanowrimo.org/forums/writing-groups-and-clubs/threads/181417
   Now, down to business. :-) Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good. 
          Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE     
Set up: The MC was vanished without a trace for two years, then returned "without a trace" too. She'd been found in the desert alone after having just given birth. She was investigated for foul play in the disappearance of her newborn.
     The book is written in three parts. (1.) Her journal entries in first person, then ( 2.) her "reality" day to day life while she tries to get her life back, written in 3rd, and then(3) her dream sequences also written in 3rd. In today's snippet, Marissa is meeting with her counselor, Rayanne.


After lunch when she returned to collect her journal, Rayanne fixed her a cup of tea. They sat in her office, sipping the orange and clove scented drink. She wasn’t sure which relaxed her more, the tea, or the comfortable room. The décor, in shades of baby blue and peach was perfect for a counselor’s space, completely disarming. On the walls, prints of  laundry hanging on a clothesline matched the color scheme. Who’d have thought it?  But it worked so well. Tiny shirts and blankets were blowing in a breeze, and clouds dotted a pale blue sky just below the gilded frames.



That's it. What works, what doesn't? I read every comment and am grateful for each and every one of them . :-)

44 comments:

  1. I love this. Brilliant use of details to create tone and atmosphere. I can see this place, feel it. Hell, I want to go there. ;D

    Great work, Teresa!

    ReplyDelete
  2. This snippet is fine as is.
    It also offers opportunities for some of the info to be given to the reader via dialog rather than from the narrator. You know me, I'm a big fan of dialog. :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Chip. I will take a look at that in my next editing pass. :-)

      Delete
  3. Good descriptions. I can't see anything that needs fixing. It must be difficult shifting from first person to third person. I like how the story goes from diary writing, reality and dreams. Interesting snippet.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Frank. :-) You know what I'm finding the most difficult? Shifting from dreams to present day, because I risk having Marissa and Rissa sound like two different women. In some ways, they really are. Rissa in the dreams hadn't been put through the mental health ringer. :-)

      Delete
  4. Oh that just sounds beautiful! I love the little clothes blowing. Great snippet. :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. I love how you set the scene of the counselor's office. That's one decorating scheme I might not've pictured a counselor employing. I also love how she offers her clients tea.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Carrie-Anne. I'm trying to have Rayanne come across as caring above and beyond. She's a volunteer counselor for a non-denominational church.

      Delete
  6. Yup, Rayanne sounds like a typical and effective counselor; you've really got her down, and she's not even in this excerpt! I like how observant Marissa is. This is a person who probably doesn't take anything for granted anymore and wants to really see everything going on around her. Cool excerpt!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're so right, Marcia. Nothing for granted. :-) She's a volunteer counselor. I'm still trying to keep her real. Thanks :-)

      Delete
  7. Very nice- I felt drawn in to the space and thought this might be where Marissa feels safe enough to delve into her forgotten memories.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It does take time, but she does. Thanks, Alexis! :-)

      Delete
  8. I love the decor! It does sound soothing.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm ready to pull up a space on the couch myself. It all works for me : )

    ReplyDelete
  10. What concerns me is she has no reaction other than pleasure to the tiny clothes in the picture. Since her baby was kidnapped, I'd expect tears and more.
    The setting is lovely, complete for a counselor.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It;s coming, Charmaine. This is a set up to a collapse about to happen. (Ugh! The limit of 8 sentences!) :-)

      Delete
  11. You've created a great atmosphere, Teresa. Love the place, and I'm guessing the counselor is going to be just as cool!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, the counselor is a good person. I'll continue in this chapter so readers can catch a glimpse of her story. Thanks for visiting! :-)

      Delete
  12. I like it as is. You did a great job of bringing me in to the scene and relaxing me. :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. I can feel the tranquility of the space. It seems as if it were carefully crafted to be as non-threatening as possible. Good descriptions. Nice 8!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I've seen those pictures before. You've created a really comforting atmosphere with this description:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Eleri. I have too. They were in the birthing room when my youngest was born. :-)

      Delete
  15. I think it's good that Marissa has a comfortable place to open up.

    I have a feeling she's going to need that serenity! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, indeed. :-) Rayanne is a life saver. :-) Thanks for visiting, Sarah!

      Delete
  16. Great setting. Gives it a comforting mood. These clips always inspire me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Tanya. :-) Join in one week and get some inspiration! :-)

      Delete
  17. I want to sip tea and sit in that room too, at least on some days LOL! Terrific description, excellent excerpt and I can't WAIT to learn more.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Me too, Veronica! :-) Thanks for visiting.

      Delete
  18. That's a lovely, tranquil setting. I hope it inspires Marissa to open up so we can find out what's going on with her. Great snippet!

    ReplyDelete
  19. I felt as if I had sipped tea with them. A very mellow, relaxing snippet. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Gem! :-) It's what I was going for.

      Delete
  20. It's so interesting the things we find calming and disarming. The washing and the folding of the laundry, not so much, but to see it just flapping in the breeze, even if it's only in a picture, can really bring about a sense of peace. Wonderful scene you've created here, Teresa! :)

    ReplyDelete
  21. I could use a cup a tea.... Enjoyed the snippet.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I not only got comforting, but a sense of hope out of your snippet.

    ReplyDelete