Welcome Warriors, and Snipsuns. How are the NanoWriMo-ers doing? :-) If you're doing Nano this year, and are looking for writing buddies you know, our Jess: Whimsical Quests of a Curious Mind has started a thread on the nanowrimo site. It's here: http://nanowrimo.org/forums/writing-groups-and-clubs/threads/181417
Now, down to business. :-) Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good.
Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE
Set up: The MC was vanished without a trace for two years, then returned "without a trace" too. She'd been found in the desert alone after having just given birth. She was investigated for foul play in the disappearance of her newborn.
The book is written in three parts. (1.) Her journal entries in first person, then ( 2.) her "reality" day to day life while she tries to get her life back, written in 3rd, and then(3) her dream sequences also written in 3rd. Today's snippet jumps ahead to page 7, to a journal entry.
I’ll be honest with you. May as well just get this out there. Though I can’t remember when or how, I'm positive that I was abducted, and that the man who took me wasn’t human. It’s okay if you want to laugh. Believe me, you wouldn’t be the first.
Have
you ever heard of Occam’s razor, Rayanne? Maybe it seems simplistic, but using that method,
alien abduction is the easiest way to explain where I was for two years. I hope that time will tell.
I'm not happy yet with that last sentence. The one I'm looking for hasn't clicked yet. :-)
That's it. What works, what doesn't? I read every comment and am grateful for each and every one of them . :-)
I am doing NanoWriMo but have written only two thousand words so far. I am not sure how I will do fifty thousand. LOL. I like it.
ReplyDeleteMunir, I hope you're halfway there. ! :-) Kudos to you for signing up!
DeleteHaha she's being a bit casual with the "wielding of the razor" here... simplest explanation is that she's gone crazy? ;p
ReplyDeleteYou're right about that last line, and I think it's just because it's maybe a bit cliché? Could change it to say basically the same thing, just with fresh phrasing. Good eight :)
Intriguing! And the perfect line may come to you later on.
ReplyDeleteIntriguing premise though I'm pretty sure she'd be prescribed heavy meds if she tells anyone (except us of course.) :D
ReplyDeleteYes, no one will believe her and can you blame them? What a quandary.
ReplyDeleteIntriguing snippet. Like it's been said before, I also think no one will believe her and that she might be a little crazy, I'm sure the last perfect sentence will come to you. :)
ReplyDeleteThat last line pulled me all the way in. Need to know more now. Great Snippet.
ReplyDeleteIf alien abduction is the simplest explanation, she must have a very interesting life! You're doing a great job of drawing me in to the mystery. Yeah, the last line is a cliche. Maybe you don't need to say anything else at that point?
ReplyDeleteThe journal writing is pulling me in, and there's a big sense of mystery. I agree with you on the last line. Maybe it should convey more mystery like, "No that couldn't be it, there had more to my absence." Something like that.
ReplyDeleteI'm enjoying this story (although still worrying over what happened to that baby!)...I can only imagine what her dreams must be like! Another fascinating excerpt...
ReplyDeletethat's very interesting, she does sound very rational for somebody who'd been abducted for two years: do you intend it to come across that way?
ReplyDeleteSo my guess about abduction was right! At least she's speaking about it as rationally as possible, by acknowledging how absurd and ridiculous it seems to most people.
ReplyDeleteAlien abduction is not where I thought you were going with this. Now I'm even more intrigued! Nice 8!
ReplyDeleteGreat snippet Teresa! The last sentence isn't bad, but if you're really not happy with you could try using an ellipsis and than saying I hope. Just a suggestion.
ReplyDeleteIf I may be so bold as to offer a suggestion with a touch of humor:
ReplyDeleteHave you ever heard of Occam’s razor, Rayanne? I use it every morning. In addition to a nice close shave, it helps me choose the lesser of the day's evils.
Alien abduction? That's the kind of explanation that asks more questions than it answers. (I do secretly hope that's what really happened:)
ReplyDeletePowerful. Perfect for first person.
ReplyDeleteWhat about the baby? I'm missing a mother's frantic emotion here.
ReplyDeleteI love the frankness of that voice, Teresa. Last line could be "Only time will tell." Or you could say, "And until something proves me wrong, I'm sticking with it." I loved this tale. Great snippet. :)
ReplyDeleteAlien abduction? An unbelievable possibility presented very realistically. Her own self-doubts seem to be present as well. Wonder what happened to the baby? I like the last line about time telling. Great snippet.
ReplyDeleteI like the snippet. Alien abduction makes a lot of delicious things possible. Since you don't like the last line, why not just leave it out?
ReplyDeletePerhaps I will leave it out, Elaine. Thanks for the suggestion. Amazing how blind we become to our own work. :-)
DeleteHey, lady, your name came out of the hat at my roast and toast. Send your email address to me at elainecsc@aol.com so I can get your prize to you.
ReplyDeleteWoohoo! Thanks, Elaine. :-)
DeleteI'm fascinated with this story as always, Teresa. I really hope she can get some closure by the end?
ReplyDeleteOh man, I feel sheepish telling this, lol, but it's actually a trilogy. The second book is written, and the third is nearly done. This book is done, but I'm giving it a complete rewrite/edit. This book is fine as a stand alone. You'd never have to read another to understand. But I hope readers will want to read more. ;-)
DeleteNot my liens. It's illegal by their laws and the "police force" either covers all tracks or recruits abducted survivors.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you weighed in, Sue Ann. There is a treaty in place. Over the course of the book, the fine print comes to light for the reader, but not for Rissa. She can't know, because the end of the book weighs heavily on the treaty among different races of aliens in her dream world. Cuylrh took her for the right reasons, but it was a dangerous act with very serious, the most serious in fact, of repercussions. :-)
DeleteAlien abduction...I like it. I like how blasé she is about it as if being abducted is an everyday thing. :)
ReplyDeleteShe is rather blase about it, Jennifer. She's been put through the mill over this. At this point, she just wants resolution. Thanks for visiting!
DeleteCases of abduction always intrigue me, especially when the captore is not human. Great eight! This is going to make an awesome book!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Neva! :-) !
DeleteShade of the X-Files nice! Wondering what happen to the toddler she left behind and the newborn...
ReplyDelete:-) Thanks, Dani! :-)
DeleteHi Teresa, I also like the matter-of-fact attitude. It makes it more powerful. Alternating the journal articles with the day-to-day life seems like an effective strategy, especially for this situation. I'm curious to see how the dream sequences work. I would definitely read on!
ReplyDelete:-) Thanks for reading it, Jean. :-)
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