Welcome Warriors, and Snipsuns. So glad you could stop by for a visit. :-) Happy November. Happy NanoWriMo. :-)If you're doing nano this year, and are looking for writing buddies you know, our Jess: Whimsical Quests of a Curious Mind has started a thread on the nanowrimo site. It's here: http://nanowrimo.org/forums/writing-groups-and-clubs/threads/181417
Now, down to business. :-) Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good.
If you're new to Weekend Writing Warriors ( #8sunday ) , the best advice I can give you to make it work for you is to visit other people on the list, read their 8 sentences, then leave a comment. Most participants will give you a return visit and leave a comment. Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE
Last week, I admitted defeat at trying to keep my head in Tayden's Tale, and am now excerpting from the WIP I'm busy editing. I shared the first 8 lines. The MC was vanished without a trace for two years, then returned "without a trace, too. She'd been found in the desert, alone. Catherine Winther (thank you) pointed out to me that my final line, "I'd been gone for two years." was unnecessary. So, in the MS ,that final line has been replaced with the line I'll start with today.
I’d just given birth.
I’m not a liar. And that’s exactly what I told the police when they found me...for all the good it did. They focused on me. On me! Instead of trying to find the person who took my newborn.
I’m not a liar. And that’s exactly what I told the police when they found me...for all the good it did. They focused on me. On me! Instead of trying to find the person who took my newborn.
I could cry, but there aren’t any tears left, just confusion, and
anger. And dreams that pretend
to be memories.
That's it. What works, what doesn't? I read every comment and am grateful for each and every one of them . :-)
...dreams that pretend to be memories! Wonderfully evocative line and seems like hints of things to come.
ReplyDeleteOh my, what a nightmare! This line "I could cry, but there aren’t any tears left," really yanked at my gut. Great snippet and very, very intriguing.
ReplyDeleteI'm captured with this brief eight. Desolation is what I feel. Good job wrenching guts so early on Daylight Savings Time!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful excerpt. I absolutely LOVE that last line!
ReplyDeleteDid they think she'd abandoned her baby? Did they believe her about the baby? Oh, that poor woman, Teresa!
ReplyDeleteI was already sympathetic to her from other snippets, but NOW . . .
Oh no! What a terrible predicament, I can feel her frustration.
ReplyDeleteGreat narrative and such a frustrating situation. The kind that makes readers want more. Good to see you back on W.W.W. I won't be doing Nano this year, I regret to say.
ReplyDeleteStrong excerpt! Two little things bother me and they are little things. That lovely line that starts "I could cry" might be even a little stronger if you took out 2 commas and just kept the one after "left". Because my eyes pause at every comma and that makes the emotion feel choppy. Only my opinion, of course.
ReplyDeleteAlso (I am such a pill) in the last sentence, that beginning "Oh" kind of feels a bit flippant, to me. As if she doesn't think the dreams are a big deal but of course they are. Maybe that's just me. Best of luck with this story :D :D
I love that first line - "I had just given birth." What a way to grab a reader's attention! This is a great 8, very intriguing. Makes me want to read more! And I agree with Marcia about taking out the "Oh" on the last sentence.
ReplyDeleteSo many questions that are raised here. And her despair is so complete. Well done!
ReplyDeleteSad! But highly intriguing and leaves me feeling very sorry for her, angry at whoever/whatever took her, concerned about the baby - ok, I'm hooked! Great snippet....
ReplyDeleteDreams pretending to be memories- love it! Very powerful snippet, Teresa.
ReplyDeleteWOW. What an amazing opening. I felt the despair and the anger and confusion. Very well done!
ReplyDeleteOMGoodness, I am stressing for that girl. I wonder if that last bit could be written anger--and the dreams. Here's my nano cheerleading for you...you can do it Teresa, I have faith in you!
ReplyDeleteThis story just hits the heart! I can feel her pain, poor girl! A-m-a-z-ing! I love it.
ReplyDeleteI'm really interested to know more of her story. Makes me wonder if the child were kidnapped or forcibly taken for adoption.
ReplyDeleteOh the poor girl. She doesn't remember the past and doesn't know where her baby is. I feel so bad for her.
ReplyDeleteWonder who the father is.
ReplyDelete"... the dreams that pretend to be memories."
ReplyDeleteGreat line!
I just love the line: "I had just given birth." It adds a layer of poignancy to the mystery. As I've said before, this is a wonderful beginning.!
ReplyDelete"...dreams that pretend to be memories." Cryptic and evocative. This line immediately has me asking questions.
ReplyDeleteOh my, that is a load of intriguing stuff in only 8 sentences! The opening and closing sentences really pack a punch! Well done Teresa.
ReplyDeletePS. I find doing Weekend Writing Warriors is a wonderful way to edit. It really makes you pay attention to every word, if its needed or not.