Welcome to my world and beyond...

A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Saturday, July 18, 2015

Weekend Writing Warriors: July 19, 2015


 
                 Hello, Warriors-- my favorite writers in the whole wide world. :-) Another week has passed and it's time for the Warriors to gather  again. :-)
            

Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 to 10 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday, and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good. 
                 Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE 


This is Chapter 4 from my SFR WIP, Across The Night Sky . The heroine and the hero have just met each other. She just saved his life. Now there's relative calm, and she has time to think.

 


We continue from there:


Sitting in the half-light, her heart stopped its crazy drumming and her breathing slowed. She kept going over and over what had just happened, starting with her playing hide and seek at the park with Gavin.

Gavin. Tears ran down her face while she shook her head from side to side, a denial that was fading with each passing minute. “Please baby, be alright; don’t be here, wherever the hell here is.” 
She couldn’t recall anything between hiding behind that bush, and waking up in the metal room.  It made sense that Gavin would be with her if he’d been brought here too.  Then again, nothing about this made any sense. But, she had to believe. She couldn’t bear the thought that he might be here too—here with those man-eating animals.
      
 

That's it. What works? What doesn't? I'm so very grateful for any comment or criticism you leave. :-)

38 comments:

  1. It sounds like she just went through a really scary experience. I hope she finds Gavin, or at least finds out what happened to him.

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    1. It's one of the questions running through the story, Carrie-Anne. Thanks for visiting!

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  2. Oh my! This is going to get interesting! Can't wait for the next bit Teresa! Man-eating animals ... hmmm

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    1. :-) You put a big smile on my face, Kim! Thank you.

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  3. Man-eating animals and Gavin is missing... this can't forebode well. Great snippet, Teresa! So happy to be reading you again! :D

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    1. Thanks, Elyzabeth! And touche--I'm glad to be reading you again. Happy to see you back at it. :-)

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  4. Interesting snippet! I'm curious as to what is going on. I hope Gavin is okay!

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    1. Curious is good. Thank you, Michelle!

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  5. Eek!!! Such an intriguing snippet! I can see the metal walls in my imagination and can feel her fear! You really left me hanging!! Yikes.

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    1. I'm so glad you can picture it, Neva. A fine line between too much and too little detail. :-)

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  6. I love the clipped sentences here, the sort of broken and scattered feel of the prose in this snippet and the way they seem to reflect the character's state of mind. Great work, Teresa!

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    1. Thank you, Steven. It tickles me that you get her state of mind from the excerpt. :-)

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  7. Pulled me right into the story. I agree that your short sentences helped create a sense of her disjointed thoughts.

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    1. Yes...disjointed is exactly how she's feeling now that she has a few minutes to think, rather than acting on autopilot. Thanks, Gem!

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  8. I really hope Gavin hasn't been eaten. Surely not? *bites nails* Great tension in this snippet!

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    1. Thanks, Christina! Well...I can't tell.

      But...lol. My husband tells people that anyone who knows me could guess that I won't kill off kids or pets. lol.

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  9. Nice sense of despair from your heroine. I hope Gavin's not there

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    1. Thanks, Michelle. The reader knows pretty fast. I'm actually skipping posting a concurrent storyline that tells a bit about Gavin, and about Rissa's pre-abduction and post-abduction life. :-)

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  10. I love the short clipped sentences you've used here. You brought me right into the scene with her almost delirious fear for Gavin. So compelling and real.

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    1. Thanks, Charmaine! You put the biggest smile on my face!

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  11. I do hope Gavin is okay. I could feel the fear.

    Thanks for helping me with Thunderclap. :) Much appreciated.

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    1. Thanks, Karen. It's good to know that you're emotionally invested in Gavin's welfare.

      No problem on the Thuderclap. I hope you have an incredible launch day!

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  12. After trauma, reality sinks in and it usually sucks. Totally feel her pain and terror.

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    1. Thanks, Dani! I must be doing something right. :-)

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  13. I certainly hope Gavin is safe! You've got me worried...tight, tense excerpt, very well done!

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    1. I can't tell. :-) The reader knows pretty fast though, :-) Thanks for visiting, Veronica!

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  14. They're in dire straits, aren't they?

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    1. Yes, they are. Walking that thin line between living and dying. Thanks for visiting, Cara!

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  15. It could be worse, if only part of Gavin were there. Or something that would make it look like he'd already been eaten. Say a piece of clothing.
    But your writing does convey the sense of tension, and that WTF moment that follows an "interesting" event.

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    1. Good feedback, Amelia! On my last editing pass, I actually changed a part when she first sees one of the predators eating a person. Her thoughts include that she had to look--and that the shirt wasn't the right color. :-) Thanks!

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  16. Oh, wow, Teresa! You sure know how to leave us with questions and a shot of adrenaline! :)

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    1. :-) Thank you for the smile, Sarah! :-)

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  17. Now I'm so curious. This really draws you in.

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    1. I like reading those words, Elaine. Thank you!

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  18. Is he or isn't he... eaten. Yikes, very, very tense. Great snippet.

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    1. Ha! I'll never tell. Thanks for visiting, Chelle. :-)

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  19. Oh! She just found herself here on his space-ship! !!!! That creates an even greater intensity to the scene. And... except for rereading the first paragraph a bit more carefully... it all worked well for me. Loved it!

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