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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Sunday, July 5, 2015

Weekend Writing Warriors: July 5, 2015


 
                 Hello, Warriors-- my favorite writers in the whole wide world. :-) Happy July! Hard to believe. :-) Another week has passed and it's time for the Writing Warriors to gather together again. :-)
            
Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 to 10 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday, and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good. 
                 Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE 


This is Chapter 3 from my SFR WIP, Across The Night Sky . The heir to the throne has been abducted, and his guards are traveling in space. They've located the ship they think he's on. It looks like it was attacked. Last week ended with Dhurstan lining up their much smaller ship, to dock with the Science Culture ship. The last sentence was:

He initiated auto-dock and lifted his hands from the controls.


We continue from there:



The gaskets met. The telltale soft bump and then the thud of clamps engaging was followed by hissing as the airlock between the two crafts pressurized.
Abraxum was already double-timing it for the door.“Move! Let’s get this done. Cholethy, med kit?”  
“Got it.”
“Dhurstan, directional locator double-check—have you plugged in your best guess for the location of the ship’s command?"
“Yes. It’s already indicating.”      

 

That's it. What works? What doesn't? I'm so very grateful for any comment or criticism you leave. :-)

38 comments:

  1. Good active wording.
    All the starnge names are confusing in a short excerpt, and also intriguing.

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    1. I actually just changed one of the names in the ms. after reading your comment and one other. :-) Thanks for visiting, Aurora.

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  2. You've captured me, Teresa, weird names and all. Kudos to an amazing imagination

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    1. Haha! Weird names and all. I just love you, Charmaine! :-)

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  3. Enjoyed the action Teresa. I'm an old-hand at sci-fi and the technical stuff flowed well. You created a good sense of competence, busyness and anticipation -all in one.

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    1. Thank you, Kim. You just out the biggest smile on my face!

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  4. Great action scene. I could feel the urgency. Well done.

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  5. I did stumble a bit on Cholethy but I've seen the other names before so those weren't a problem. Am not sure myself what to do about names that some people have trouble pronouncing; it's a subject worth discussing I think.

    I missed last week's excerpt but I still get a sense of what's going on here, and that they're trying to hurry. Abraxum seems to be letting his abrasive side show, but I'm betting that's because he's worried and concerned. Nice excerpt!

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    1. It is a subject worth discussing. After reading your and Alex's comments, I changed Cholethy's name (after 10 years) to Theudhar. Hope he likes it. ;-)

      I found a really helpful Teutonic/Germanic name site. http://www.behindthename.com/names/usage/ancient-germanic/3 Very masculine sounding names. :-) Thanks, Marcia!

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  6. I like the pacing and the rising tension, but now I'm getting frustrated with this ten line limit business. I want to know what happens!

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    1. Your comment made me feel so good, Alexis! :-) Thank you!

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  7. I definitely get the urgency, loved the action and of course I want to read more! Great snippet...

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    1. ~Grinning like a fool~ :-) Thanks, Veronica!

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  8. I still don't want them to go in! Dead ships shouldn't be entered! Bad things happen to people who enter dead ships! And I *like* Abraxum!

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    1. I know, Sarah...but they have to. They have to find Kuylrh and get him to safety. :-) Thanks for visiting!

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  9. Impossible to tell from ten lines, but how much of this is a planned event? (by the characters). Just because you'd typically go through the checklist before you leap into action. But if you don't have the time, then you might check the essentials as you're going.

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    1. Good observation., Amelia :-) Thank you!

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  10. Your stuff is always so interesting and otherworldly :-) Great, as usual!

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  11. I'm getting the impression this is a new crew or maybe a bunch of folks cobbled together in an emergency, as the captain doesn't seem to trust the crew to do their jobs without being reminded. I'd guess the latter, since they're tracking down someone who's been kidnapped.

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    1. A young group. A group who, until now, have been more friends than guards. :-) Thanks, Ed. :-)

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  12. Love how professional Abraxum is. Let's get this done! Can't wait to see what happens next!

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    1. :-D <-- BIG smile. Thanks, Christina!

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  13. All business as he should be. I'm really curious about what comes next. I forgot to sign up this week. We're on vacation, and I forgot until too late.

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    1. Abraxum is such a good guy. Gruff but good.

      Enjoy your vacation, Elaine! :-)

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  14. Good and precise... I just figured out one thing that's been bothering me about this though, Teresa. The few people that seem to be a part of Abraxum's crew.... How many people are on this ship he's in?

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    1. Once again, you've raised an interesting point. Thanks for the feedback, Eden. :-)

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  15. Exciting and sharp writing, I can really visualise that ship!

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  16. The pressure they are under to get him back brooks no room for error. Great snippet!

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    1. Yes...no room for error. Life and death. Thanks for visiting, Dani!

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  17. Your best guess, huh? LOL, I love it. Hoping it turns out well. I'm just making my rounds now. I had my first homicide call over the weekend and it really shook me up. Ugh. :( Well now that it's over and done with, I'll be better prepared in the future.

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    1. I can't issue a spoiler. :-)

      Bless your heart, Neva. I don't know how you do it. I couldn't keep my cool. But I'm so glad there's people in the world (like you) who can!

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  18. Very tense scene, I'm sure hoping that locking onto the ship won't prove lethal. Great snippet.

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