Another week has passed and it's time for the Writing Warriors to gather together again. :-)
Weekend Writing
Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 to 10 sentences of
their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday,
and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment,
critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart
good.
Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE
Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE
This is Chapter 4 from my SFR WIP, Across The Night Sky . I'm jumping into the next chapter. The heroine and the hero have just met each other. The situation is life or death. He's injured and she's saving his life in this scene.
We continue from there:
Marissa
peered into the darkness beyond the injured man where an animal snarled. The little bit of calm she'd just managed to find was gone as quickly as it'd come. She
breathed deep, willing the blood rushing in her ears to quiet; terror wasn't going to her do her any good here. She
grabbed the first thing she could find-- some kind of strut or broken wall
support. Jumping between the man and the beast, she screamed while she stabbed
at it. Then she swung the metal bar hard into the side of its head. Keeping the metal between her and the predator, she threatened through gritted teeth, “Get
away from us! I swear to God, you’ll lose this
fight!”
The animal backed away, growling as it vanished into the darkness. Her legs trembling--barely supporting her, she slid down the wall beside the golden-eyed man. She turned toward him and acknowledged his pain-wracked look of gratitude.
The animal backed away, growling as it vanished into the darkness. Her legs trembling--barely supporting her, she slid down the wall beside the golden-eyed man. She turned toward him and acknowledged his pain-wracked look of gratitude.
That's it. What works? What doesn't? I'm so very grateful for any comment or criticism you leave. :-)
Courage is never the absence of fear. I love strong female protagonists. I look forward to reading more of her!.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Kim. As my editing passes continue, she gets tougher and tougher. :-)
DeleteYour detail and description are always stunning, Teresa! Terrific work!
ReplyDeleteThat...coming from a master of description! Thanks, Steven. :-)
DeleteI think she shows awesome character leaping into action against the animal. The first sentence drew me in - I liked how you placed the word snarled at the end. Definitely a power word.
ReplyDeleteGreat Eight, Teresa!
Thanks, Paula!! :-)
DeleteDramatic rescue!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Aurora. :-)
DeleteI think you've got an extra comma after "managed"--you know me, these things always jump out at me!--but that doesn't diminish Marissa's bravery. I especially like how you make it clear that she's scared even as she acts. That makes her very human. :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks for catching that, Marcia! And thanks for the kind words. :-)
DeleteSounds like the kind of gal I want on my side in a tight situation :)
ReplyDeleteThe second sentence puzzled me a bit. Surely the calm is not threatening to engulf her? Calm seems like a good thing. Threatened to desert her, maybe?
You are so, so right, Ian. Thank you! I was up into the wee hours of the morning, writing and rewriting this snippet. I think I posted a half changed copy. :-) Thanks for catching that. :-)
Deleteshes tougher than me jumping between a wild animal. LOL. nice to see the heroine rescuing the hero
ReplyDelete:-) Lol--yep. It seems crazy, on one hand. But then again, none of us know what we're capable of when confronted with a crazy situation and challenging odds. I like to believe that there's a hero in all of us. And that for some of us, it just just takes being shoved into a tighter corner to have us come out fighting. :-) Thanks for visiting!
DeleteThat was a brave--and possibly a little stupid--thing she did. They better hope this animal isn't the kind that stalks its prey and waits for an opening... o_O
ReplyDeleteThe animal will be back. It'll bring friends. :-) Thanks, Caitlin!
DeleteAwesome action scene. I'm in her corner all the way. Can't wait to see what comes next.
ReplyDelete:-) You made me smile, Alexis! Thank you. :-)
DeleteGood for her, she certainly rose to the occasion! Loved the action-packed excerpt, can't wait for more.
ReplyDeleteThank you much, Veronica! :-)
DeleteI just knew she'd rescue him above all odds. That's what women do with our courage and strength. Beautiful scene, Teresa.
ReplyDeleteThanks bunches and bunches, Charmaine! :-)
DeleteExcellent scene, Teresa! And I like Marissa already! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you like her!! Thanks, Sarah :-)
DeleteWow, great scene. Love the heroics born out of desperation and fear. (You do have me trembling though with your comment above that the animal will be back with friends) Great tension.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the encouraging words, Chelle. :-)
DeleteLove this snippet!! Strong heroines are the BEST, and land the best heroes :-) Love this, Teresa!!!
ReplyDeleteYes they are...but she does have her vulnerable moments. Sometimes she falls apart. She is a long way from home. :-) Thanks!
DeleteShe's one tough cookie.
ReplyDeleteShe has to work at it. :-) Thanks, Cara. :-)
DeleteLordy, how will he handle being saved by a woman! Love it! ;)
ReplyDelete:-) I think he's going to like it. :-) lol Thanks, Dani.
DeleteExcellent action sequence, Teresa! Love your heroine! I always love it when they save the hero. :) How he's going to take it is another matter. LOL
ReplyDeleteLol--yes, indeed. It causes a lot of trouble, for sure. ;-) Thanks, Jenna!
DeleteFear, courage and relief in a matter of a few seconds. Intense scene! Well done.
ReplyDeleteAn emotional roller-coaster. Thanks, Karen!
DeleteNicely done. I agree with Karen. You've captured a lot of emotion in a few words.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Elaine! :-)
DeleteOooh, I like this. I don't know what kind of beast it is (you probably describing it elsewhere) but her fierceness and determination come through loud and clear.
ReplyDeleteWoot! Glad to read that, Ed. Thank you!
DeleteGreat action scene, Teresa. I love a strong, courageous woman who overcomes her fear to save another. Great stuff!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Christine!
DeleteOoh, I am loving this weeks post!! Very intense!!! Crazy intense!!! That definitely shook me. I am loving the sun and all the heat too! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Neva! And I hope your sun is still shining!
DeleteWell done! Very intense.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Tanya! It's been a longish scene. I'm glad the intensity is hanging on.
DeleteThat's a very intense scene. I love the little description of the golden-eyed man too.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Carrie-Anne. Better description coming up.
DeleteI like the scene, but I think your pacing might be a bit off. This should be a tense scene. Short sentences. Vivid description. We don't know what animal she fended off, but she could see the color of the man's eyes.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Misha. I just chopped up a couple of sentences, and slashed some words.
DeleteIt's hard to judge from only 8 to 10 sentences. :-) This is winding down from a much longer scene of pure terror. An abduction scene. The reader actually knows from an earlier paragraph that his eyes are gold. The color of his eyes is important to the story, so I want to impress that on the reader.
But, maybe it's not working. I really appreciate your feedback--and do take all feedback seriously.
Thanks for visiting!
The jump forward confused me a bit. Are we still on the ship? It doesn't seem like it with this animal loose. Though if it is hungry and scared enough, one woman waving a metal bar isn't likely to be enough to scare it away no matter how much growling she does.
ReplyDeleteI liked the descriptive details you added thought. Even knowing how desperate animals can act... it felt 'real'.
Still on the ship. Larger context would clear up much of the confusion, Eden--I think. I hope :-) Thanks for your feedback!
Delete