Welcome to my world and beyond...

A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Sunday, July 12, 2015

Weekend Writing Warriors: July 12, 2015


 
                 Hello, Warriors-- my favorite writers in the whole wide world. :-) The sunshine here yesterday was almost unbearable. It just seemed so, so, foreign...alien even...  But I could get used to it. ;-)

Another week has passed and it's time for the Writing Warriors to gather together again. :-)

            

Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 to 10 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday, and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good. 
                 Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE 


This is Chapter 4 from my SFR WIP, Across The Night Sky . I'm jumping into the next chapter. The heroine and the hero have just met each other. The situation is life or death. He's injured and she's saving his life in this scene.

 


We continue from there:




Marissa peered into the darkness  beyond the injured man where an animal snarled. The little bit of calm she'd just managed to find was gone as quickly as it'd come. She breathed deep, willing the blood rushing in her ears to quiet; terror wasn't going to her do her any good here. She grabbed the first thing she could find-- some kind of strut or broken wall support. Jumping between the man and the beast, she screamed while she stabbed at it. Then she swung the metal bar hard into the side of its head.  Keeping the metal between her and the predator, she threatened through gritted teeth, “Get away from us! I swear to God, you’ll lose this fight!”   

The animal backed away, growling as it vanished into the darkness. Her legs trembling--barely supporting her, she slid down the wall beside the golden-eyed man. She turned toward him and acknowledged his pain-wracked look of gratitude.
      
 

That's it. What works? What doesn't? I'm so very grateful for any comment or criticism you leave. :-)

52 comments:

  1. Courage is never the absence of fear. I love strong female protagonists. I look forward to reading more of her!.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Kim. As my editing passes continue, she gets tougher and tougher. :-)

      Delete
  2. Your detail and description are always stunning, Teresa! Terrific work!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That...coming from a master of description! Thanks, Steven. :-)

      Delete
  3. I think she shows awesome character leaping into action against the animal. The first sentence drew me in - I liked how you placed the word snarled at the end. Definitely a power word.
    Great Eight, Teresa!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I think you've got an extra comma after "managed"--you know me, these things always jump out at me!--but that doesn't diminish Marissa's bravery. I especially like how you make it clear that she's scared even as she acts. That makes her very human. :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for catching that, Marcia! And thanks for the kind words. :-)

      Delete
  5. Sounds like the kind of gal I want on my side in a tight situation :)

    The second sentence puzzled me a bit. Surely the calm is not threatening to engulf her? Calm seems like a good thing. Threatened to desert her, maybe?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are so, so right, Ian. Thank you! I was up into the wee hours of the morning, writing and rewriting this snippet. I think I posted a half changed copy. :-) Thanks for catching that. :-)

      Delete
  6. shes tougher than me jumping between a wild animal. LOL. nice to see the heroine rescuing the hero

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. :-) Lol--yep. It seems crazy, on one hand. But then again, none of us know what we're capable of when confronted with a crazy situation and challenging odds. I like to believe that there's a hero in all of us. And that for some of us, it just just takes being shoved into a tighter corner to have us come out fighting. :-) Thanks for visiting!

      Delete
  7. That was a brave--and possibly a little stupid--thing she did. They better hope this animal isn't the kind that stalks its prey and waits for an opening... o_O

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The animal will be back. It'll bring friends. :-) Thanks, Caitlin!

      Delete
  8. Awesome action scene. I'm in her corner all the way. Can't wait to see what comes next.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. :-) You made me smile, Alexis! Thank you. :-)

      Delete
  9. Good for her, she certainly rose to the occasion! Loved the action-packed excerpt, can't wait for more.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I just knew she'd rescue him above all odds. That's what women do with our courage and strength. Beautiful scene, Teresa.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks bunches and bunches, Charmaine! :-)

      Delete
  11. Excellent scene, Teresa! And I like Marissa already! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm so glad you like her!! Thanks, Sarah :-)

      Delete
  12. Wow, great scene. Love the heroics born out of desperation and fear. (You do have me trembling though with your comment above that the animal will be back with friends) Great tension.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the encouraging words, Chelle. :-)

      Delete
  13. Love this snippet!! Strong heroines are the BEST, and land the best heroes :-) Love this, Teresa!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes they are...but she does have her vulnerable moments. Sometimes she falls apart. She is a long way from home. :-) Thanks!

      Delete
  14. Replies
    1. She has to work at it. :-) Thanks, Cara. :-)

      Delete
  15. Lordy, how will he handle being saved by a woman! Love it! ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. :-) I think he's going to like it. :-) lol Thanks, Dani.

      Delete
  16. Excellent action sequence, Teresa! Love your heroine! I always love it when they save the hero. :) How he's going to take it is another matter. LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol--yes, indeed. It causes a lot of trouble, for sure. ;-) Thanks, Jenna!

      Delete
  17. Fear, courage and relief in a matter of a few seconds. Intense scene! Well done.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. An emotional roller-coaster. Thanks, Karen!

      Delete
  18. Nicely done. I agree with Karen. You've captured a lot of emotion in a few words.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Oooh, I like this. I don't know what kind of beast it is (you probably describing it elsewhere) but her fierceness and determination come through loud and clear.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Woot! Glad to read that, Ed. Thank you!

      Delete
  20. Great action scene, Teresa. I love a strong, courageous woman who overcomes her fear to save another. Great stuff!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Ooh, I am loving this weeks post!! Very intense!!! Crazy intense!!! That definitely shook me. I am loving the sun and all the heat too! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Neva! And I hope your sun is still shining!

      Delete
  22. Replies
    1. Thanks, Tanya! It's been a longish scene. I'm glad the intensity is hanging on.

      Delete
  23. That's a very intense scene. I love the little description of the golden-eyed man too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Carrie-Anne. Better description coming up.

      Delete
  24. I like the scene, but I think your pacing might be a bit off. This should be a tense scene. Short sentences. Vivid description. We don't know what animal she fended off, but she could see the color of the man's eyes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Misha. I just chopped up a couple of sentences, and slashed some words.

      It's hard to judge from only 8 to 10 sentences. :-) This is winding down from a much longer scene of pure terror. An abduction scene. The reader actually knows from an earlier paragraph that his eyes are gold. The color of his eyes is important to the story, so I want to impress that on the reader.

      But, maybe it's not working. I really appreciate your feedback--and do take all feedback seriously.

      Thanks for visiting!

      Delete
  25. The jump forward confused me a bit. Are we still on the ship? It doesn't seem like it with this animal loose. Though if it is hungry and scared enough, one woman waving a metal bar isn't likely to be enough to scare it away no matter how much growling she does.

    I liked the descriptive details you added thought. Even knowing how desperate animals can act... it felt 'real'.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Still on the ship. Larger context would clear up much of the confusion, Eden--I think. I hope :-) Thanks for your feedback!

      Delete