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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Saturday, February 20, 2016

Weekend Writing Warriors February 21, 2016

Hello all. :-)
Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop.  Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 to 10 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, on their own blog to go live between noon, Saturday, and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good. 
              Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE



I'm excerpting from  my 2014 Nano WIP, Scifi/Dystopian. Working title: Dai Klavven. This is a major gutting and rewrite--now at 40K. Shooting for 80K. I know where the story is going. Finding time to write is a challenge.

Setup:  After an explosion, and a wall collapsed on her comrades, the MC is the last survivor in a group protecting a hidden bunker full of children and two old women. In desperation she lobs a grenade at the advancing enemy (aliens), then runs, leading them away from the bunker. They are in pursuit.  She's been joined by her dog, Jobe (nickname Jobo) and they've now reached her house. The last line was:  Panic simmered just under the surface now that she was this close to her hiding spot. 


We pick up from there:

She sucked in her breath and shimmied through the opening where the crimped furnace stood. Then, back behind it where the old hot water tank had been, she pulled aside a small section of false wall Damen installed to hide the empty and mostly inaccessible space. She grabbed Jobe’s collar. Tucking him in next to her, she squeezed inside then put the wall back into place. And she waited.
Passing time was a haze. Slow, fast, it was nothing she could tell with any certainty. She and Jobe fell asleep against each other, and then she was awakened by noise next to the house. They were sniffing, probably trying to find her by scent.  Jobe’s ears pricked up and he cocked his head, but she immediately gave him the signal for silence.
    

That's it. Maybe they'll stay undetected...maybe they won't. Thank you for reading it. I learn from your feedback--and I'm so grateful for any insight you share. Have a great week!

41 comments:

  1. (My apologies if this comes through as my third comment. I have had problems with publishing this comment!)
    Excellent building of tension, Teresa. I caught myself holding my breath! Jobs, please don't bark!!!!

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    1. I am so sorry you have problems, Kim! I don't know what's going on with the blogging platforms. Seem to be a spate of problems going around. Thanks for keeping at it until a comment got through!

      Auto-correct? OMG, don't get me started. :-)

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  2. I was feeling good about this hiding place, until you mentioned they might detect her by scent. Ugh. Way to build up the suspense!

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    1. Our characters...we give birth to them and then we torture them, huh? ;-) Thanks, Christina!

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  3. They're sniffing for her? So the aliens are tracking by smell? Cool!

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    1. Yep, lol. I alluded to that in the last snippet. And we're about to find out how good their noses are. :-) A touch of the unexpected. Thanks, Cara!

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  4. Oh gosh! I hope the aliens don't find her. So tempting probably for Jobe to bark, too. I'm still on the edge of my seat.

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    1. Jobe's such a good dog. But he's about to go through hell for his devotion to her. :-) Thanks, Jessica!

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  5. I expected Jobe to give them away when his ears pricked up. Great visuals, Teresa!

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  6. You grabbed me right from the start and there I am cramped in along with them praying no one finds us. Holy smokes, this is GOOD!

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    1. Thanks, Charmaine! I'm about halfway through anticipated length. Now, if the characters don't go doing something crazy on me... ;-) Thanks for visiting, my friend. :-)

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  7. Jobe - please do what your told!!! Hope the aliens mistake Jobe's scent and don't find hers.
    Tweeted.

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    1. :-) I am so glad you're emotionally invested at this point. Thanks, Victoria!

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  8. Tense, intense and scary! To know the aliens are right there, close by, looking for her...really an excellent excerpt. Can't wait to read more. I'm glad the story is behaving itself for you!

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    1. So far, so good. Kind of slowed in the middle. I know what I need to show the reader. I know it can't be rushed, but it can't drag on too long either. lol. Like splitting hairs. Thanks, Veronica!

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  9. Gak! I'm so happy she found a good place to hide, but the dog could give them away, so yeah, tension much?? Great snippet!

    Finding time to write is always a challenge. Over time I've concocted all sorts of schedules just to make it all work, and yet at the moment I'm slogging along at a snail's pace. But hey, as long as we just keep DOING it!!

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    1. Thanks, Rose. I'm so glad you're feeling the tension.

      And yes, as long as we just keep doing it!! :-) Thanks for pep talk. :-)

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  10. Good dog! Feeling the stress of being hunted, plus I'm claustrophobic! Hope they move on so she and her buddy can't get out.

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    1. :-) Yeah, I'm a bit claustrophobic, too, Dani. Mine is weird. Cornfields once they get over should high. And the claustrophobia really challenged me while I was SCUBA diving. Made it tough. Hubby is an instructor, and I never made it past basic open water. :-) Thanks for your comment. She will get out, but she'll wish she was still in there.

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  11. I hope they don't pick up he scent. What a great dog that he remained silent with a look. My doggies would give me away with a bark. lol

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    1. lol--I hear ya, Karen. I'd be captured and hauled away if I was depending on our three dogs to not bark.

      Thanks!

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  12. I love the tension you created. I'm really scared for her. Great excerpt.
    Please tell me the dog lives.

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    1. Thanks, Bonnie! I can't say. I think it he does. The book isn't finished. Sometimes characters do bad things. ;-)

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  13. Good way of cranking up the tension. Hope the dog doesn't bark!

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  14. I'm hoping that there's either too many other smells, or the whole area smells like her. I can't imagine getting caught will end well.

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    1. :-) Yep--getting caught is not a good outcome, but it'll make for a good story. :-)

      Thanks, Caitlin!

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  15. It's hard to tell just from snippets, but this seems like the best story of yours I've read. Good job, Teresa.

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  16. Just when you think you're safe... Great snippet!

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  17. Biting my nails here! I need more! Great snippet!

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    1. Thanks, Jenna! That's great to read! :-)

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  18. The tension was already almost unbearable in this and you had to go crank it up another notch! I'm so glad she had a silent signal for Jobe. Awesome snippet!

    ~Joyce Scarbrough

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    1. Thanks, Joyce! It is a tense chapter frm beginning to end. :-)

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  19. That's such an intense scene! It's so true how passing time doesn't register accurately when we're in such a life-or-death situation.

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