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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Saturday, February 6, 2016

Weekend Writing Warriors February 7, 2016

Hello all.  Welcome, February--and Phil didn't see his shadow!
       I'm glad you came back for another week of sharing your writing with other writers.  

Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop.  Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 to 10 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, on their own blog to go live between noon, Saturday, and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good. 
              Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE



I'm excerpting from  my 2014 Nano WIP, Scifi/Dystopian. Working title: Dai Klavven. After an explosion, and a wall collapsed on her comrades, the MC is the last survivor in a group protecting a hidden bunker full of children and two old women. In desperation she lobs a grenade at the advancing enemy (aliens), then runs, leading them away from the bunker. They are in pursuit.  The last line was:  "They were already slopping through the mud in the ravine behind her. "


 

I've skipped ahead a couple of paras, and she's running across the playground that her children used to play in:



Breaking into open sunshine—and in plain sight of any  alien scum patrolling the area, she pushed herself to run faster.  Empty swings made an eerie squeak as she sprinted past, sending pin-prickles down her spine. The wind gusted, pushing the chains harder.   
Lily’s heart lurched when movement caught her eye; black and white fur appeared. She made little more than a hoarse sound when she tried to call, “Jobe, come puppy—time to get out of sight.”

The Border Collie raced to her, his head dropped low and his tail half-tucked. Even the dog knew the world was being turned upside down.

As they ran, Lilly kept thinking--one street over and she’d be on her block. One street over and she’d have a cubbyhole to hide in.  One street over and she’d be in what was left of her home, of her whole world.


    

That's it. Things don't look so good for our heroine. Thank you for reading it. I learn from your feedback--and I'm so grateful for any insight you share.

64 comments:

  1. An exciting chase scene. Thank you for sharing :-)

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  2. Excellent mood and pace! I can't wait to read more.

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  3. Excellent tension. I was literally holding my breath as I read.

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  4. I don't care who dies as long as the dog survives! The repetition of "one street over" makes me think they won't make it...

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    1. LOL! I love your comment, PT!Thank you. :-)

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  5. I had the same thought as PT ... intense last paragraph.

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    1. Thanks, Iris! I'm so relieved the reader gets it--the repetition of "One street over..."

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  6. And the tension continues! I hope she is able to find a safe place at her home, but I worry it won't be.

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  7. Chilling! Terrific representation of the mindset I think we'd all find ourselves in given the same circumstances...great job, Teresa!

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  8. Gripping! You sucked me in--and then left me hanging when the snippet ended. I want more!

    How close are you to being done?

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    1. Wow--I'm psyched!

      I'm shooting for 80K, and am about halfway there. :-)

      Thanks, Cara. :-)

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  9. Her fear hits you and I now want to know what happens.

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    1. That is so good to read! Thanks, Rachel. :-)

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  10. I always like a story with a pet :-) Hope they both make it, but it's not a feel-good type of story so who knows! That's what keeps us reading.

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    1. I'm not sure, Marcia. The book is only about halfway written. But I do know this. I'd rather kill-off a person than the dog... lol. Thanks!

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  11. Love the evocative image of the swing. Very exciting snippet, as usual. (One bit of confusion, on first read wasn't sure if "alien killing scum" was "scum who kills aliens" or if the the scum is also alien.)

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    1. GREAT catch, Alexis. Problem solved--thanks to you for pointing it out. :-)

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  12. I like the one street over foreshadowing things to come. Thought it doesn't sound like Lily will like being in what's left of her home.

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    1. Nope, not much left of it. But home is home, even if it's a false feeling of safety. Thanks, Frank!

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  13. Argh, now that you've introduced the dog, I'm even more worried! :-) Great nail-biting suspense.

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    1. Haha! It worked--having the dog join her. :-) Thanks, Christina!

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  14. Wow, intense. Loved the detail of the dog and I'm really hoping she makes it that one more street. Terrific snippet! On the edge of my seat.

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    1. Thanks, Veronica. Glad to read our words!

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  15. That will get your pulse racing! Hope she makes it.

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    1. Thanks, Caitlin. Bad times ahead for her and Jobe.

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  16. Love that her pet enters the picture and the last line says it all! Wonderful soul bearing snippet!

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  17. The reminders of home, of what is gone, are poetical and very effective. Beautiful snippet.

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    1. Thanks, Ed! Now to figure out when it's too much, and when it's just enough. :-)

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  18. Oh, that one left me breathless, Teresa! And you know I'm a sucker for the puppy dogs. Now I'm crossing my fingers.
    You're such a wonderful writer!

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    1. Thank you Monica. Holy cow--you're making me blush--but I feel really good, too. :-)

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  19. Sometimes the dogs are the first to know this sort of thing! What a compelling portrait you painted, the contrast between life before and her dilemma now. Great snippet. :)

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    1. Thanks, Rose! Yeah, dogs do have a sixth sense. :-)

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  20. You're right there with her! Nice job, Teresa!

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  21. Heart thumping run and small details like the dog! Love it.

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  22. lOVE IT BIG TIME WHEN THE PUP KNOWS WHERE IT'S GOING. tHANKS, tERESA

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  23. I thought this was really good.I could almost feel her heart pounding and her desperation. The dog is a nice touch.

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  24. One street over and she will be safe! I am rooting for her and her furry friend. She's got to make it!! Great snippet! Pulled me back into your story again and I don't want to leave.

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    1. Ha! She can't be safe, right? Or there is no story. :-) lol. Thanks, Stephanie!

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  25. What a tough snippet. This poor girl and her dog having nothing but memories.

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  26. Love the frenzied pace of this. I'm almost out of breath running along with her.
    Tweeted.

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    1. Woot! I like to read that! Thanks, Daryl. :-)

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  27. I could feel her anxiety. Love that her pup is running with her. One more block and ... they'll be able to breath. Great snippet.

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  28. Oh boy the end is in sight, but will she make it? I hope so!

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    1. Yeppers--the end of this run is in sight. Thanks, Amy!

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  29. Oh, really felt the last paragraph. Great snippet!

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  30. Oh I got chills from the picture of the swing set. An innocent and joyful thing turned eerie and deserted is always a bad omen and great description of foreboding. I have to agree with everyone else though on that last paragraph, she isn't going to make it, is she? Great snippet!

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    1. A few more weeks of snippets and we'll be at the answer. :-) Thanks, Danielle!

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  31. You paint a wonderful picture. I love the border collie

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  32. That street sounds so very far away!

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    1. I'm smiling. Tickles me pink to have a reader take that away from those few short sentences. Thanks, Linda!

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