Welcome to my world and beyond...

A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Weekend Writing Warriors: September 15, 2013










Weekend Writing Warriors: September 15, 2013
Weekend Writing Warriors
      



Welcome Warriors, and Snipsuns and anyone else who wanders in.

Weekend writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday and 9:00 AM Sunday EST Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good.


I have a major changeup in excerpt source. ATNS is all a muddle. Until I work it out, I'll be pulling from another WIP, a fantasy story. working title is: "Taydan: Child Denied"

Rella’s screams from beyond the door seared Deamante, each cry like like a heated blade twisting in his heart. And though he could never say it aloud, his own suffering at hearing her wails, her pleading, surely rivaled hers. 
     Still, a dichotomy of emotion brewed in him; joy lingered just under the surface. It was a good day—a holy day in the making. The world waited, for this day had been foretold.
     Pacing, he bowed his head and wrung his hands. He believed the auguries, old and new. Soothsayers, by the very gift they'd been given, were incapable of telling lies.

That's it. What jumps out at you, good or bad ? I'd love to hear it and am truly grateful for every bit of criticism, opinion, and shared wisdom.  Thank you so much for visiting!

55 comments:

  1. Great sentences, Teresa. Love the descriptions.

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    1. Thanks, Jennifer. :-) I admit to creative punctuation :-)

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  2. I like his inner emotions. Good use of vocabulary in this snippet, too. Nice 8!

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    1. Thanks, Frank. I'm trying so hard to sound like a grownup. ;-)

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  3. Well done.
    I can see him pacing and wringing his hands.

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  4. I like his inner emotions too, this snippet paints a vivid picture of torture and heartfelt emotion, well done.

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  5. Wow, very intense, you can't help but be drawn right in. Wonderful excerpt. All kinds of questions pop up & they're the kind that make you really want to read more. I'd love to know what kind of mood you were in when you wrote this!

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    1. Thanks, Marcia. I wrote the whole book in two months--all 88,000 words of it--while I was jobless, before I had an inkling of POV, before I understood story arc, before...before... before... Holy cow. Got my work cut out for me--but it's a good story. I think it's worth the work to rewrite it. :-)

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  6. Raw details and emotions. And the prose in this excerpt is exemplary. Nice work, Teresa!

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  7. Wow, that was an intense and fascinating excerpt. Really makes me wonder what's going on...great snippet!

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    1. Neat--glad to hear it. Really shifting gears here. :-) Thanks, Veronica!

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  8. So conflicted...you describe it so well.

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  9. Your description is delicious, Teresa! Love the "dichotomy of emotion...joy lingered just under the surface." Nice!

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  10. Lovely descriptions Teresa, it reads so powerfully!

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  11. I just wandered in today, but would like to join.

    Your scene has the reader's emotions on alert. Is she having a baby behind that door or is she being tortured? I go for the prior because of his reaction to her wails. But only guessing.

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    1. You are good at deducing things, Karen!

      We'd love to have you join us! A new list goes up tomorrow (Monday) morning @ wewriwa.com .

      Share anything you've written. :-)

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  12. I have all sorts of ideas brewing as to what this is about. Lovely descriptive writing!

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    1. :-) Oh, that is good to read. These, as of right now, are the opening lines. :-) Thanks, Claire!

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  13. Oh Teresa, I agree with all the above that this is wonderful! And Rella is having a baby...one who has been foretold in prophecy. At least that's what I'm guessing.

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    1. Thanks, Millie --you are a good guesser. ;-)

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  14. Fabulous haunting tension. Well done, Teresa.

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  15. The reader is sure to be captivated, and left wanting to know what happens next. Good job Teresa

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    1. Thanks, Vusa! I hope when you have the time, you join us. :-)

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  16. Well darn. What's happening to her? This snippet really makes me want to know more.

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  17. We need more Soothsayers in this world and fewer lies. Terrific eight, Teresa. We're left with many questions. To be continued, yes?

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    1. Yes. Will be on this probably through the end of the year. :-) Thanks for visiting, Charmaine! :-)

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  18. Her torture is connected to the Soothsayers' predictions? How fascinating!

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    1. Thanks, Sarah :-) I hope it comes across that way. :-)

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  19. Intriguing snippet. I wonder who these Soothsayers are and what was it they predicted. And what's happening to Rella - it's almost torture to not know!

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    1. Thanks, Monica! Great that it inspired questions. :-)

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  20. Having a foretold baby? This is fascinating.

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    1. Well, in one respect, I reckon they're all foretold. :-) But I hope this comes across as something more. :-) Thanks for visiting, Sue Ann. :-)

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  21. Very vivid description creating a great visual. Nice done and an intriguing snippet.

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    1. Thanks, Susan. It will be rewriting as I go. :-)

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  22. This is a great hook. I'm wondering if he's waiting for his child to be born and if not who is the woman to him that's causing his emotional response. very intense

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    1. Good words to read, Michelle. I thank you! :-)

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  23. Nice hook here. I'm so wondering what the cries of the child have to do with him.

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    1. :-) The first chapter goes back a couple decades in time. It's a little fuzzy at the end, but the reader catches on as the book progresses. Lots of foreshadowing. Hopefully not too much, but I'll gauge it as I go--and beg for opinions. ;) Thanks for visiting, Elaine. :-)

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  24. Hey girl! Hope your summer was a good one. I kept thinking that there was no need to say it was a fantasy, it falls very nicely in the genre. Love it.

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    1. Ha! Thanks, Tanya! I didn't mean to have you running back from your blogging break. I was only checking on you! BUT, danged nice to see your comment! :-)

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  25. Sounds like a birth to me. I'm getting a feeling of foreboding about the mother, though...

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    1. Whew, Caitlin! You're very perceptive! :-) Thanks for visiting. :-)

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  26. This strikes a very foreboding mood. The scene really came alive.

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  27. I like how he manages to find some hope despite the torture.

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    1. Thanks, Linda. He's a complex guy--easy to dislike, but he gets his comeuppance. :-)

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  28. Your writing leaps off the page. It's so beautifully vivid.

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