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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Saturday, March 22, 2014

Weekend Writing Warriors: March 23, 2014

 Weekend Writing Warriors



Welcome Warriors, and Snipsuns, and anyone else who wanders in. Here's to the end of winter. Don't know about where you are, but this year, in my neck  of the woods, it's hanging on until at least the end of meteorological winter. It will get here. Just blink and we'll be griping about how hot it is and how many bugs there are. :-)
 
Weekend writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good.

Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE


Set up. Kad, with his friend Drave (the enforcer) has taken Tayden to a world called Shantar to hide him from Dominions thugs and henchmen. They are negotiating with the Port operator to get a small boat to haul them upriver--into a mountainous, wilderness area.

The Port operator speaks first:

     "Well, this time of year, don't you know, most of the river drivers are home, harvesting crops. If told a day ahead, they'll set aside the time..." His husky voice faded as he looked around at the three of them, his eyes coming to rest where Tayden's face hid in the shadow of his hood. Whatever thoughts swirled in his head, though, he kept to himself. "I can ask, but if I were a betting man, my coins would be on not a single one of them showing up till after he's finished  his day's harvest, eaten a good supper, and rested a bit."
     Perhaps it was the silence on Kad's part that caused the stocky operator's brows to pinch as he shifted from foot to foot. The man lifted a calloused hand that looked like rough, worn leather, swiped it across his bald head, then scratched and rubbed his ear.
     Kad followed the direction of the operator's gaze to a list on the counter, then intentionally softened his voice when he said, "We'd appreciate it if you'd go ahead and see who's willing to take a run after sundown."
 

That's it. Whatever jumps out at you, good or bad, I'd love to hear. I need to hear it. And I'm truly grateful for every bit of criticism. I do learn from it. Have a great week, everyone

53 comments:

  1. I'm beginning to wonder what the port operator knows?

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    1. Coming soon, Chelle. I'm just going to keep posting from this chapter. Thanks for visiting. :-)

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  2. Terrific world building and scene setting here, in addition to some nicely laid intrigue. It's always a joy to read your work, Teresa! =D

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    1. Thanks for the kind words, Steven! :-)

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  3. There's something about Kad I like very much. . . he's sort of the opposite of Tayden's father here, isn't he?

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    1. Awe, he's such a good guy. I'm struggling to find his faults. The other characters prolly have enough faults to keep me busy. :-) Thanks for visiting, Sarah!

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  4. Very steady, balanced and well-paced scene. There is a quietness to Kad that made me listen as well as the Port operator. Fine writing.

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    1. Neat! Thanks for the feedback, Gem! :-)

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  5. Really like this story, Teresa! Especially like the side-eye he gives to the hooded Tayden.

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    1. Thanks, Eleri. Yeppers. Tayden gets a lot of the side-eye. They just have to be careful it's curiosity--and not menace. :-)

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  6. Really nice bit of scene. We're all tense waiting to find out how this goes!

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    1. Thanks, Marcia :-) I'm working on it, but editing is such a bear. :-)

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  7. Good pacing of this scene. I loved the descriptors you used, like husky voice. I have a hard time describing the sounds of voices and wonder how some writers get it right like you did. Great snippet!

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    1. Awe, you really made me smile, Frank! We learn as we go...and we only get better with practice. I still have so much to learn. I guess the big thing is to be a sponge-- absorb the criticism and glean what's worth keeping. Thanks for visiting and for your kind words. :-)

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  8. Great descriptions and imagery, Teresa! I love the bit "his in the shadow of his hood."

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    1. :-) <-- Big smile, E.E. Thank you so much!

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  9. Interesting scene, felt very real world thanks to the skillfully supplied details. Excellent excerpt!

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    1. ~smiling~ I don't know if anyone has ever before called my writing skillful! Thanks, Veronica. It means a lot coming from you. :-)

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  10. I like Kad, very much. I'm not sure I like the interest the port operator took in Tayden...that's something that can be reported to someone in the future. Looking forward to next week!!!!

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    1. Thanks, Millie! It's good to know that the risk in scene is visceral. :-)

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  11. I can clearly see the boatman in my minds eye thanks the details you provided. I don't trust him.

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    1. Wonder if he's trustworthy? :-) I love your comment, Pete. In a situation like they are in, there is uncertainties, and danger by trusting too easily. I'm glad you picked up on that in the writing. And I won't say whether he's okay or not. lol. Thanks for visiting and your helpful comment. :-)

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  12. Well written snippet that leaves me curious and a tad uneasy about what awaits them.

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    1. :-) <--- Big smile! Thanks, Gemma. Glad I invoked some uneasiness. :-)

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  13. Great view of the culture and the challenges that face them. The specter of 'sundown' sounds ominous.

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    1. Haha! In my first draft, I had "sunset", but thought sundown better fit the atmosphere. Thanks, Alexis!

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  14. Lovely detail.A feeling of unease and illegal doings seems to permeate the whole transaction. Great 8 !

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    1. Yes! Illegal, indeed. Cook that you picked up on that. Thanks, Elyzabeth! :-)

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  15. Good setup of what's to come, Teresa. Nicely done. :)

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  16. After rereading this eight, I'm caught up in the many nuances you've captured with descriptions and dialogue. Subtle and exciting all at once, Teresa. And what does the once unwanted baby look like? More. We want more.

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    1. Ahhh, Charmaine, I'll start to dole it out :-) Thanks for all of your support! :-)

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  17. Excellent character development. I do have one suggestion.You use the word “know” in both the first and second sentences. It sort of pulled me out of the story

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    1. Good catch, Susan. I made a small change. Not sure if I'm done with it yet. :-) Thank you!

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  18. Oh a bit passive aggressive there in trying to get the boat and I think too the port operator is up to something. I think he may suspect who is with them? Very good. You drew me into the story with this setting with mysterious goings on all the way around.
    The Murders of Polly Frisch

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    1. He's a pro when it comes to reading people. He's been instrumental the last few years, in keeping Tayden out of harm's way. Thanks for visiting, Cindy! :-)

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  19. The description of the hands is absolutely amazing. In fact, this description is awesome. It put me right in the scene.

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  20. I could see the scene clearly with your vivid descriptions and clever banter. I want to know what happens next. :)

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  21. So is this where he's hiding? Still wonder what happened to his nother and her sister.

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    1. This is where he's wound up hiding, Sue Ann, and he's not happy about it. :-) Their fates come out over the course of the story. Thanks for visiting. :-)

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  22. I sense trouble brewing. Great snippet!

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    1. :-) Perhaps. Thanks for visiting, Melissa!

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  23. He softened his tone, is he using voice this guy? Wouldn't surprise me. Vivid descriptions here.

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    1. Thanks, Dani! He'll use whatever means it takes to keep Tayden safe. :-)

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  24. Nice dialogue. Somethings about to come down :-)

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    1. Thanks, Sandra! Yep...a storm is brewing at home. :-)

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  25. So much for their rush--but it can be hard to push people along when they have higher priorities than your desires.

    They may have to be patient.

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    1. Hmm, wonder if the Port operator seems too easy? :-) Thanks, Caitlin. :-)

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  26. Wonderful descriptions and vivid dialogue. Great snippet!

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