Welcome Warriors, and Snipsuns, and anyone else who wanders in.
Weekend writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good.
Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE
Wind blasted grit and dust into them, whipping their coattails and anything
else that wasn't strapped down. Kad pushed stray hairs off his face then put his hand above his eyes, shading them from the
low-hanging sun. Still, he squinted as he took advantage of his height, scanning the landing zone, the low
brush, and a scattering of small trees along its fringes.
He nodded toward a
small cluster of buildings, little more than shacks. The word, "Port", scrawled above a
door in thick, red letters identified it as their destination.
More statement than question, he uttered, "Shantar sure is an outback-excuse-for-a-world,
don't you think?"
Across the paved lot, they stepped inside. Kad skipped introductions in spite of the questioning look from the Port operator. "We need to get upriver--what d'ya have available?"
That's it. Whatever jumps out at you, good or bad, I'd love to hear. I need to hear it. And I'm truly grateful for every bit of criticism. I do learn from it. Have a great week, everyone--and don't forget to stand your egg on end on Thursday at 12:57 PM.
That's it. Whatever jumps out at you, good or bad, I'd love to hear. I need to hear it. And I'm truly grateful for every bit of criticism. I do learn from it. Have a great week, everyone--and don't forget to stand your egg on end on Thursday at 12:57 PM.
...hmm, thought I left a comment, sorry if this turns out to be a duplicate.
ReplyDeleteI like the setting that you paint, it seems almost a bit like the Wild West with a landing zone. This is definitely keeping me intrigued.
No duplicate, Chelle. :-) Hmm, I hadn't thought the wild west. Interesting comment. I might have to take a look at it, although, I can see that wild west association isn't a bad thing. Thanks for visiting! :-)
DeleteRich with details and rife with potential. Nice work, Teresa!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Steven! :-)
DeleteIt didn't fully dawn on me last week that this story is set in a universe with interplanatary travel.
ReplyDeleteThe first chapter (or prologue---what did you decide?) madeit seem very primitive.
Don't get me wrong, though; I like the mix!
The worlds are very different. There is a cluster of planets, Shantar is the most remote. Dominion Central (DomCen) is the world Tayden was born on, and then there is Meridius which is different from the other two. I'm leaning toward prologue, but I'm not sure yet. I need to do some research on prologues. Are they designed to dump a load of information, or as I've done, introduce tension, and the MCs--along with a lot of questions? Thanks for visiting! :-)
DeleteInteresting portrait of an outback-type landscape. Reminds me a bit of the movie "Mad Max". :)
ReplyDelete:-) Yes, I do see the similarity! I hadn't even thought of Mad Max when I wrote it. :-) Thanks, Debbie. :-)
Delete4 hours? Wonder what they'll do in that time. Nice details and pacing. Great snippet!
ReplyDeleteHaha! Whatever they do, you can bet the reader will be entertained (and learn a few things) by it. :-) Thanks for visiting, Frank. ;-)
DeleteI blink my eyes--a week flies by and we're in a new dimension with you. Okay. What happens in four hours? Seems a long time when methinks a few button could be pushed and get them on their way BUT and here comes the big butt, they're in some outback.Keep us wondering and waiting as pages and weeks fly by. Thanks, Teresa.
ReplyDeleteA lot can happen in 4 hours, especially if it stretches into a longer time. :-) They go look for a bite to eat, and like the bear that went over the mountain--to see what they could see. :-) Thanks for visiting and all of your support! ;-)
DeleteReally like how this story is developing!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Eleri! :-)
DeleteYou have me asking a lot of questions, which is a good thing. Very nice setting details and immediate conflict. Nicely done.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Alexis! :-)
DeleteFour hours to arrange transportation up river into the mountains? I get impatient when a train is 5 minutes late.I enjoyed the glimpse into a different kind of sojourn.
ReplyDeletelol--patience... They can get into some interesting things in four hours, huh? :-) Thanks for visiting, Pete!
DeleteLove the descriptions and keen to read more!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Gemma! :-)
DeleteCoattails? Just how are they dressed?
ReplyDeleteOnce again you've inspired me to research a bit. MW online does list the first definition of coattails relative to formal wear. Their second defines it as how I've used it--the part hanging below the waist of a coat back. My mom referred to them as coattails when I was a child. Dictionary.com gives their first definition as how I've used it. But, I think in most cases, MW (since I'm lacking an Oxford definition) trumps dictionary.com, and since they give def. 1 as formal wear...it gives me pause as to whether I should use it in this context or not.
DeleteThanks so much, Sue Ann!
That's a dynamite description.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Elaine! Good to see you :-)
DeleteGreat world-building in so few words, Teresa. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Siobhan. :-)
DeleteNice descriptions. Great snippet.
ReplyDeleteOne minor quibble. It appears we're in Kad's POV. He wouldn't think of himself as "easily the tallest of the three." Only show us what he thinks or sees.
Good catch, Kate. Gave it a glancing change. Hope it's enough. :-) Thank you! :-)
DeleteI'm surprised! I didn't expect any interplanetary travel. Like someone else mentioned, I thought the story took place in the past. Definitely curious to know more and to discover the relationship between these characters and the ones previously introduced. Great snippet, Teresa!
ReplyDeleteSeriously considering your comment, Elyzabeth. I don't want the reader to be lost. I might have to rework the first chapter, or prologue as it may be. :-) Thank you !
DeleteI still feel as if these are two total different stories. I like this one better but I'm pretty science fiction-minded LOL. Great excerpt, could really picture the scene.
ReplyDeleteFood for thought, Veronica. I think I might have to cut to DomCen earlier than I've currently written it, so that the reader can see how archaic certain aspects of their lifestyle is, and learn why. Thanks! :-)
DeleteNice visual into your world. Enjoyed the snippet and love to know more.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Karen. It's coming. I'll be excerpting this one for quite a while. :-)
DeleteI like the description you painted of their world. I agree, it seems much different from the previous snippets.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Carrie-Anne. It's definitely a work in progress. Many changes ahead, I'm sure ;-)
DeleteWell, that's a little rude. Doesn't he know that being polite goes a long way?
ReplyDeleteI guess he's too civilized to be polite. :P
Lol...well, Kad knows both sides. Sometimes he uses vinegar, sometimes he uses honey. :-) Thanks for visiting, Caitlin!
DeleteFYI, I didn't think anything odd about the use of coat tails. I envisioned heavy duster jackets or some sort of shorter trench coat that was being whipped around by the wind...not a tux ; )
ReplyDeleteHmm, that is exactly how I meant it, Millie. Thank you. I wonder how many people think differently? Maybe I should better describe what they're wearing? Thanks for visiting!
DeleteI dunno...it's funny how we all haven't different associations with words...that's why damn word choice can be so trying. But, I just wanted you to know I had no problem with the visualization...
DeleteIt sure can be trying! Sometimes I rearrange word order and word choice so many times, a sentence completely loses meaning for me. Then it's time to step away. :-)
DeleteThe Gunslinger and the character Roland by Stephen King immediately came to mind along with a vision of a deserted ghost town with a door to another world..."There are other worlds than these"... A terrific snippet that makes me want to read more!!
ReplyDelete! Thanks, Cynthia. :-) Editing is such a bear...
ReplyDeleteI can tell you love your character (as you should)
ReplyDeleteI've had a hell of a few days hence am so late to the party.
I've read the comments and have nothing to add. It left me with questions: who are they, why are they here, what do they want
and as we know questions are good - cause the reader keeps looking for the answers!
Thanks, Sue! I hope life is righting itself for you!
DeleteI'm wondering where they are going.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Linda. I'm so glad the words (so far) make you wonder. :-)
Delete