Welcome to my world and beyond...

A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Weekend Writing Warriors: April 20, 2014



 Weekend Writing Warriors



Welcome Warriors, and Snipsuns, and anyone else who wanders in. Happy Easter and Passover. I hope you're all enjoying time with family and friends. I am. Cooking for a crowd, so I'll make my rounds later today, or early in the week.


Are you doing the A to Z Challenge? If so, please leave a comment so I know to visit you! :-)  And if you are, how're ya holding up? The home stretch isn't quite in sight yet, and it's begun to feel like it's sucking the life out of me. But I can't quit. lol. You either! Hang in there. You can do this!

Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good.

Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE


Set up. I've continued where I left off last week. Drave had just informed the Port operator (after he'd asked if he could sit in the empty chair at their table), “I’d see a man gutted and bleeding out before I’d let him hurt one of my companions.”



     Before Kad could try to break the stare-down between the two men, Tayden’s voice, even and calm, spoke from the darkness beneath his hood. “But of course you can.”   Then, as his head turned back and forth between Kad and Drave, added, “What kind of people would we be if we couldn’t break bread with our brother?”
      Kad glanced at Drave, almost afraid of what his response might be.  He exhaled when he realized that his friend wasn’t going to respond to a question that had never really sought an answer anyhow.  He held out his hand to the operator while he stumbled  through an awkward welcome.  After they’d clasped hands and tipped their heads forward to show respect, the operator held his hand out to Drave. Kad bit his tongue to keep from telling the operator he could have saved his effort.

That's it. What jumps out at you, good or bad? I'd love to hear it.

Thank you so much for reading this. Have a good week!



38 comments:

  1. You can practically feel the sigh of relief. Wonderfully descriptive excerpt, Teresa!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Phew, that was close. It seems there will be peace between them for the time being. Though I have to say, that operator has some guts. After Drave saying that, he still extends his hand to greet him. I wouldn't. Another wonderful snippet, Teresa! Looking forward to next week :-)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Glad that worked out.
    sought an answer anyhow. - I don't think you need the word "anyhow"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Susan, yep that sentence is under construction again. :-) Thanks for the crit! :-)

      Delete
  4. Great snippet, Teresa! And I just learned that you do book covers, too, what a multi-talented lady, I'm in awe!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, E.E. Susan (Stuckey) gets the credit for that great cover. All I did was take the photo of the mood through the trees. The cover concept is all hers. And it's a beaut! :-)

      Delete
  5. Smooth excerpt. I thought about that "anyhow"; on one hand it could be unnecessary, on the other it could be part of your voice for this story. I like that you've got a good handle on the differing personalities of the three friends.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. :-) Decisions... :-) Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Marcia. :-)

      Delete
  6. I really sensed the bitterness from Kad. This is an awkward moment indeed.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Second paragraph: question that needed no answer or required no answer. Otherwise the sentence is awkward.
    And there I am watching the action in fear of what comes next. All because of your amazing description. Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oy! Definitely taking a hard look at that one, Charmaine. Thanks for the crit--I appreciate it. :-)

      Delete
  8. Interesting dynamics going on between these guys. I'm enjoying the story, curious to see what happens next. I was a bit befuddled by the line about the "question that had never really sought an answer", had to go back and reread to get clear on the flow. But an excellent excerpt!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Whew, judging by the comments, I'll be rewriting that one. :-) Thanks so much, Veronica. I so appreciate it. :-)

      Delete
  9. Drave is a man of few words but always ready for action. Great tension here! Happy Easter!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Dani! Happy Easter to you, too! :-)

      Delete
  10. More great tension. Makes me wonder why Drave is so bitter and mistrustful. Feels like there's some interesting history there. Looking forward to what happens next.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Alexis. :-) I'm continuing in the chapter. :-)

      Delete
  11. Great dynamic between the characters and a lot of tension. I am curious to find out more. Well done.

    ReplyDelete
  12. What marvelous tension you created in just these 8 sentences. Definitely want to know more about Drave & Kad's past. Very nicely done.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Lots of tension between these two, I agree with the others about the 'question' line, but the rest flows really well!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Whoa, tense snippet, Teresa. Nicely done. I would shift this a little: "He exhaled when he realized that his friend wasn’t going to respond to a question that had never really sought an answer anyhow." to "He exhaled when he realized his friend wouldn't answer such a rhetorical question." Great job. :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Sounds like Tayden is an instinctive peacekeeper.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. On one hand, yes. I guess actually he is. But he has a true nature that when judged by human standards, makes him a threat. :-)

      Delete
  16. I can't remember (and may have missed the relevant snippet anyway) what was the root of the tension, whether an actual event or just paranoia and suspicion, but you can definitely cut the atmosphere with a knife!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Quite tense! If not for Tayden, it might have happened very differently.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, on one hand, he's quite the pacifist. Thanks, Elaine. :-)

      Delete
  18. Some great hot-headed tension going on in this snippet, makes one wonder if Tayden will be able to keep things peaceful or if it will get out of hand...

    ReplyDelete
  19. Oh boy, it's gonna be fun to see how this all plays out. I'm wondering if they're all gonna make it out of the bar in one piece : )

    ReplyDelete
  20. Whew. Problem defused. Such a smart guy. Let's see which direction this turns now. I'm enjoying this story.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Great intervention from Tayden!

    ReplyDelete