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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Saturday, March 21, 2015

Weekend Writing Warriors: March 22, 2015

Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday, and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good. 
                 Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE   



This is Chapter 2 from my SFR WIP, ATNS, called "The Hunter"  where we're introduced to the male main character, Kuylrh--second in line to the throne in the Rialtan Empire.  They're preparing for a hunt on a remote world called Tazulta. He's in concealment, waiting for the approaching animals and he can't keep his thoughts on the hunt.
Abraxum is his personal guard assigned to him at birth.


Last week's 8 ended with this:
"Too soon he’d be forced to take a mate and do his duty for the throne. Celebration my ass ." 

We pick up from there:

" He swallowed the bitterness of failure--which wasn’t something he had much experience with. And now he’d be publicly outed when forced to return to Rialt and give account of his search, and worse, its lack of fruition.
  An unstoppable tell of his growing frustration, he worked his jaw back and forth while his mind replayed Abraxum’s words from the night before. That he’d been acting little more than a pouting manchild.  And then, reminding him that in all fairness to his grandparents, they had given him an entire year to find his woman.

As if any length of time would make a difference when seeking out what clearly does not exist. He may as well have been tasked with finding a fangordemon or a hopsaloose, or any of the myriad fancied creatures in children’s tales."

 
           That's it. What works. What doesn't? I'm grateful for every comment you leave. :-) 

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And thanks bunches and bunches for visiting!

46 comments:

  1. Hmmm...I got the impression earlier that the animals they're hunting are dangerous. With him being this distracted, I wonder if there's trouble ahead.

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    1. Yes, indeed, Ian. There is trouble ahead. :-)

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  2. I love the look inside his mind, and the sentiments in the last paragraph. We can't find what doesn't exist.

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  3. I know he should be paying attention, but I do love his inner thoughts and frustrations.

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    1. Yeppers. I'm glad you're enjoying them. Thanks, Karen. :-)

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  4. I'm digging his inner monologue; you're nicely fleshing out Kuylrh's character. That last line was nice: funny, self-deprecating, and yet still representing his doubts and frustrations. Great stuff!

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    1. Thanks, Steven!

      It was added last night. It never ceases to amaze me how grooming 8 sentences for www changes them. :-)

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  5. I was momentarily disoriented by the line "give account of his search, and worse, its lack of fruition." because for a second I thought they were talking about the animal hunt, not the wife hunt. But I think that was just an effect of reading the scene in sections. Also, now that I've noticed it, I like the hunting parallel.

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    1. Hmm, I'll make a note of that. The parallel is intentional, and I hope it is like you said, a result of reading it in snippets. But I do want to be sure when I get an Alpha reader to look at it.

      Thanks so much for the great feedback, Eleri. :-)

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  6. Love this snippet, Teresa. Wonderful imagery, I can just see him sitting there, grinding his teeth, worrying himself sick over a woman he hasn't even met yet -- love it! And the mention of fairy tale creatures? Put me right into an alternate, wonderful world. Now, what in the world is a fangordemon? I can't wait to see!

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    1. Haha! A fangordemon. Hmm... lol, I just made it up. I think maybe in book 2 I could have their. Wait. Spoilers... All in good time. At least I have a while to work on what they are.

      Thanks for visiting and for all of your kind words!

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  7. LOL - poor guy! Yeah being distracted and wallowing in self-pity while hunting dangerous animals is not a good combination - except for readers! Do pick up right from here next week!

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    1. Yeah, never a good thing. But what's coming up, being aware isn't going to stop. ;-) Thanks for visiting, Marcia!

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  8. Fantastic job on his inner thoughts about the woman hunt. I really enjoyed it, and including last week's sentence made it easy to follow. ;)

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  9. Time to grow up, young prince. Fascinating sequence, Teresa.

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    1. Yes, indeed, Charmaine! Thanks for visiting.

      I hope you feel shipshape soon. <3

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  10. I love fangordemon. don't know what it is but seems like something a bit dangerous to be hunting which is exciting :)

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    1. :-) They are mythological creatures storied in their children's bedtime tales. They are actually hunting creatures called abzions. Sort of a cross between a hippo and rhino. Nasty things. Thanks for visiting!

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  11. I'm wondering why he believes his mate to be an impossible creature? Wondering in a good way, that is. You continue to draw me in to this world both through the action and the inner dialogue.

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    1. He's thirty, and he's sort of picky. Well. he's actually very picky, and he's kind of arrogant. But he has a lot of potential. All he needs is an Earthling to tame him right down. ;-) Thanks for visiting!

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  12. I love the world building you do in the reference to fairy tale critters. It gives a lot of realistic color to his inner thoughts.

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    1. :-) Thanks, Patricia! Good words to read from you!

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  13. You've created such a rich world.

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  14. Love the hopsaloose. Is that a real mythological creature? I'll have to Google it ... but if it isn't 'real' it should be, with a wonderful name like that.

    BTW, I wasn't loving the unintentional (?) echo in "bit back bitterness".

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    1. lol, Thanks Ed. Nope. just gave birth to them in my imagination. I had to add them to my notebook.

      I took your comment to heart and did a bit of rewording. Thanks ;-)

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  15. I have a feeling he'll be meeting a "mythical creature" within a few pages! :D

    I'm totally hooked on this story, Teresa. You have a talent for building your worlds through your characters' eyes.

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    1. Yeppers, Sarah! That mythical creature is about to be grabbed and placed in near proximity to him. Thanks for your encouragement, It means the world to me. :-)

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  16. This is a rich world peopled with multi-dimensional characters, and I bet he'll soon meet his 'mythical creature.'

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    1. Thank you for the encouragement, Elaine. Mythical creature is just about in fate's crosshairs. ;-)

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  17. Frustrated at being commanded to do something and then falling short. Can totally relate! Great 8!

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    1. Thanks, Dani! I hope something about the story is relatable to every reader. :-)

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  18. I think I want a hopsaloose! Enjoyed the excerpt, very effective juxtaposition of the two hunts he's on...

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    1. lol--yeah, me too. I definitely don't want one of those fangordemons. ;-)

      Thanks for your kind words, Veronica! :-)

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  19. I like the wordlbuilding here...but, if we're in the character's POV, would he know that working his jaw was a tell? Usually, people do'n't know their tells.

    I'm also very interested in why he's so sure there's no woman for him...is he not into women, or exceedingly particular, or uninterested in being attached....?

    Color me intrigued!

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  20. Hi Shan. Yeah, we're in his POV. I threw in the word "unstoppable" to let the reader know that he's aware of it but is unable to control it. Maybe it's not working?

    He's next in line to the throne. SO his actions are scrutinized. But he's also a bit of a dreamer. In another passage, he waxes about how he wants real, natural and spontaneous love. As rising King, he's pursued by women, and he doubts their sincerity. I guess it's made him a skeptic about love--as much as he truly wants it.

    Thanks for your comment. I'll give that "tell" another look. :-)

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  21. Something tells me he might run into the mythical creature he seeks sooner rather than later!

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    1. Hmm, something tells me you;re onto something. ;-) Thanks for visiting, Christina!

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  22. Abraxum seems to have left his mark on KuyIrh. I'm so intrigued by this story. Great job!!!

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    1. Thanks, Neva! The closer I get to publishing, the more insecure I get about it all...

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  23. I'm enjoying this world and your colourful characters!

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  24. "A pouting manchild" LOL I've always thoughts that legends have to come from reality, so maybe he'll find his woman (though it won't be what he's expecting) *grin* Great snippet, Teresa!

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