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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Sunday, March 29, 2015

Weekend Writing Warriors: March 29, 2015

Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday, and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good. 
                 Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE   




This is Chapter 2 from my SFR WIP, ATNS, called "The Hunter"  where we're introduced to the male main character, Kuylrh--second in line to the throne in the Rialtan Empire.  They're preparing for a hunt on a remote world called Tazulta. He's in concealment, waiting for the approaching animals and he can't keep his thoughts on the hunt.
                Daekartha is his grandfather (also the king of the Rialtan Empire). Sophay(Sophayanna) is his grandmother(also the Queen) and  Daekartha's  mate.


Last week's 8 ended with this: "He may as well have been tasked with finding a fangordemon or a hopsaloose, or any of the myriad fancied creatures in children’s tales." 
We pick up from there:
His Nanma had hugged him one year ago when he was leaving, and told him to search out the one who threw stars in his heart. He sighed. Nothing in the heavens had moved. No stars had lodged in his heart, and the burden of his future lay heavy. His allotted time had raced by faster than the Swiftwater in front of his mountain keep on Eeadmont.
            On his leaving day, unlike the hopeful encouragement Sophay had given him, Daekartha doled out an ultimatum. " Choose or suffer the consequences." His grandfather never actually said what those consequences would be, but Kuylrh was sure they included Daekartha making the choice for him.


 
           That's it. What works. What doesn't? I'm grateful for every comment you leave. :-)
I'm really busy today with a birthday get together. My youngest turned 29. Seems unreal... I'll get around to everyone in the next few days. Have a great week, all. And for anyone who might be skipping next week for the holiday--have a great Easter break. :-)

46 comments:

  1. Lovely insight into your character, love the expression ' threw stars in his heart' and I hope someone does soon so that his future plans are his!

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  2. Uh-oh, I foresee future problems with Grandpa. But surely he will find someone soon? I really like how this little bit gives us a window into the kind of relationship he has with each grandparent.

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    1. Many problems. :-) The problems are the story ;-) Thanks for visiting, Christina!

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  3. I love "Nanma"--the language you're using in this is perfect, Teresa.

    I hope he finds his person soon--I doubt his grandfather's choice will be palatable!

    (Happy birthday to your 29 year-old!)

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    1. Thanks, Sarah! I must be on the right track. I really wondered about the "Nanma" and if it was too cheesy. :-)

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  4. I absolutely adore this snippet, especially the part where Nama tells "him to search out the one who threw stars in his heart." Very nice eight! Love it!

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  5. It's amazing how much story, emotion and history you can cram into 8 sentences, Teresa. Great stuff!

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  6. Love this 8! The one that throws stars in your heart -- beautiful and vividly descriptive! Love this, Teresa!

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  7. It's a hit-no miss except for the missing miss and stars in his heart soon to come. Beautiful, Teresa.

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    1. I love your witty comments, Charmaine. Gifted in writing any direction you go! Thanks! :-)

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  8. Love this bit "threw stars in his heart". The only mini-crit I can say is that there is something about the He sighed sentence that feels just a bit out of place, but I'm not sure why. I wish I could be a bigger help.

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    1. I see what you mean. I'm going to edit that out, Jess. It stops everything. :-)

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  9. No one really says what the consequences are. I liked the narrative in the first three sentences. Nice eight!

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  10. I love it when I see such emotion and great descriptions put all into these tiny snippets. Great job.

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  11. Ooh! He better make a choice. On the other hand, maybe grandpa knows better than Kuylrh does. Consequences can be interesting. :)

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    1. Indeed! Thanks for visiting, Kate. :-)

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  12. Yikes! Having grandpa pick your mate does not sound like a good thing. Loved this snippet- so much interesting information in a few great lines.

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    1. Yeah, not exactly a good case scenario. :-) Thanks for visiting, Alexis. :-)

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  13. Love the emotion and description of Kuylrh's troubled thoughts. Sounds like he's under a lot of pressure to please his grandfather. Great snippet!

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    1. A lot of pressure. :-) Thanks for visiting, Lorien. :-)

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  14. I love the concept of throwing stars into the heart. It doesn't always happen when we want or expect it. Perhaps a mate who's chosen for him might do that, since many times a relationship is stronger when we grow instead of fall in love.

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    1. Interesting point, Carrie-Anne. he's stubborn, though. :-) Thanks!

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  15. Throwing stars is a great description. Feeling empathy for him. No one likes an arranged marriage. Great 8!

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    1. Thanks, Dani! I can't imagine one... :-)

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  16. You've chosen an interesting way to fit in backstory, Teresa!

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    1. Thanks, Ed. Still shaky on introducing any of it so early in the story...

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  17. Oh, oh.. "No stars had lodged in his heart" Such a wonderful concept and imagery. Beautiful.

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  18. I loved the 'throwing stars' line. I so hope he finds the woman he can love.

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  19. Parents and grandparents always want to make arranged marriages. They need a bit more trust in their offspring. I hope Kyulrh finds the girl throwing stars into his heart. Beautiful imagery in this 8!

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  20. Lovely eight. I do so hope he finds the woman who will throw stars in his heart. :)

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    1. Ha! Yep...and there starts the trouble. :-) Thanks, Karen!

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  21. I really like that expression to throw stars in one's heart. Great 8.

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  22. I love love love the phrases and words you're creating for this world, really establishes him and his home for me as a Reader. And I still want my own hopsaloose! Great 8!

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    1. Thank you so much for the encouragement, Veronica. It's weird how a bout of struggling with a manuscript kind of sneaks up on a writer. I'm there. Oy!

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  23. "throw stars in his heart" Love that. It's beautiful and poetic. Maybe the woman appointed to him will be the one to do that. Looking forward to tomorrow's snippet, Teresa!

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