Welcome to my world and beyond...

A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Saturday, March 7, 2015

Weekend Writing Warriors March 8, 2015


  Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday, and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good. 
          Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE   

This is Chapter 2 from my SFR WIP, ATNS, called "The Hunter"  where we're introduced to the male main character, Kuylrh.  They're preparing for a hunt on a remote world. Dhurstan is his best friend and one of the King's Guard. Kuylrh goes nowhere without the King's Guard, and that includes hunting.

Last week's 8 ended with this:
"Its seeming indifference was of no matter; like all Rialtans, the Divine plan of his life had been set at birth." 
We pick up from there:



"He looked over his shoulder, counting in silence as he glanced at each of his men.
        In an elevated position, Dhurstan raised his hand slightly and gestured upwind, then made a series of hand signals.
        Kuylrh tensed. He gripped his sword tighter. With his head bowed, he closed his eyes and whispered, “Giver of all, bless us with a good hunt, and deliver us safely from harm.” He placed his clenched fist to his heart, raised it to his lips, kissed it, then opened it as he raised it toward the sky. For a few seconds he looked up through his outstretched fingers. Then he stepped back into his hiding place with his back pressed against the rock."

*A quick note about the name. I don't want it so difficult that readers stumble over it, but I don't want it to sound human either. He is an alien. :-) In the next chapter, when he meets the woman from Earth, (it's in her POV) she gives a very good explanation of how he pronounces it, and what it sounds like to her.

  
           That's it. What works. What doesn't? I'm grateful for every comment you leave. :-) And thanks bunches and bunches for visiting!

Have a great week, all!

49 comments:

  1. Interesting snippet. Interesting names, too. Can't wait to see how the earth woman pronounces them. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. If he's hunting on a remote world and meeting a human in he next chapter . . .

    Teresa, what planet are they on? Is it the same planet we're on? Maybe?

    I NEED TO READ THIS!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awe, you made me feel so good, Sarah! Thank you.

      I'm trying to get it done. Last night I made it to page 230. This is a complete rewrite. What I'll end up with is a rough draft when I'm done. My goal is to have it finished by summer.

      I'm giving a lot away here, but neither of them will be on Earth, or on this world either, after the abduction. :-)

      Delete
  3. “Giver of all, bless us with a good hunt, and deliver us safely from harm.” Good way to demonstrate a common belief system even if they are aliens. I like this a lot!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Their beliefs are kind of common. But his is more a stardust kind of belief system. And he is pretty devout. She, on the other hand, doubts the existence of a god at all...

      Thanks for your encouragement, Gem!

      Delete
  4. Lovely touch with the short prayer. I agree with Gem!

    Okay, my weekly suggestion--LOL--maybe just say "he lowered his sword against his leg". Possibly. Could be a slightly more succinct way of describing his movement.

    And I totally get why you included it in the first place. I put in details like that all over the place because I'm picturing everything as I write, and I do mean everything. While that's fine for me as a writer, readers are pretty good at picturing movements without quite so much detail.

    Just my two cents. Feel free to ignore! :-) I hope to get back to WeWriWa myself next week and DO look forward to your suggestions on my stuff!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ~sigh~ lol--once again, Marcia, you are SO spot on with your crit. I really, really appreciate it. I am absolutely blind to mistakes like this. :-)

      I really miss my crit partner. :-(

      Delete
    2. And I went for an even bigger change-up lol.

      Delete
  5. The name is fine with me. It's good that it doesn't sound human.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Linda! I did worry about it. :-)

      Delete
  6. Awesome details, Teresa. And the name rocks!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Is it pronounced Kyler? At least that's what I read when I see it. I love the prayer and his actions as well. Brings a nice feel to his character

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Michelle, thank you, thank you, thank you! Yes, it is! You made my day!

      Delete
  8. "He placed his clenched fist to his heart, raised it to his lips, kissed it, then opened it as he raised it toward the sky." NIce strong image.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Cara! You've written so much SFR, it's good to read those words from you. :-)

      Delete
  9. Always been a fan of the religious aspects in scifi/fantasy when the author decides to make it prominent. There's so much room for desires/prophecies/moral codes/all the good stuff that's in books! Nice eight. Look forward to the name breakdown!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Ernie! SO good to see you here! :-)

      Delete
  10. Keep it simple with the name. The prayer is a perfect touch of spirituality.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Charmaine. I'm trying to walk the line between too simple and too complicated... that it turns off the reader. :-)

      Delete
  11. I love how you're setting this scene!

    It's so important to have a pronunciation guide when your characters have foreign or fantasy names. That's the reason I always use accent marks on my Russian names and words, even though they're normally only used in dictionaries and language textbooks. It's just a common courtesy, even if some readers may very well still use the Anglo mispronunciations in their heads.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Carrie-Anne! I'd not given the name thing much thought until wewriwa readers began to comment about it. What you say here makes much sense. :-)

      Delete
  12. I love the ritual before the hunt. Very spiritual and revealing of his character. It is so important for readers to know how to pronounce the characters names correctly because it helps them identify with the character. Can't wait for the explanation. :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. I love your writing, Teresa. You bring me right into the character's world. I'll look forward to next week's snippet and how to pronounce his name!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Elyzabeth! :-) It's coming. Even if I break away from the early chapters, I'll post that part. :-)

      Delete
  14. I like the way your writing makes me feel as if I"m right there with him. The ritual is compelling world building. I can't wait to hear something from the heroine who's human.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Elaine! It's coming...soon. :-)

      Delete
  15. I feel comfortable with the name, and would probably be able to pronounce it on the first try (as opposed to previous spellings). And the ritual here is excellent. Details like this make a character a lot more real to the reader.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Patricia! And I want to thank you again for your comments about the name, last week. I did act on it. :-)

      Delete
  16. I'm still loving this world you've created here. Adding this bit of ritual just makes it seem more real.

    ReplyDelete
  17. As everyone has said, the ritual is great world and character-building, plus it has the added benefit of raising the tension. I'd really like to see what it is they're hunting. I have a sense of great danger.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are intuitive, Alexis. There is great danger ahead! :-)

      Delete
  18. I like the ritual, excellent world building, makes him more "real". I'm fine with the name the way it is now...enjoyed the excerpt and can't wait for more story (did she say 'abduction'?)??? Minor nit: the word 'back' appears twice in the final sentence. I know, this is all pre-edits :-) Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good catch, my friend! Thank you :-)

      I am so blind to things like that, but boy oh boy, I can sure pick them out in other writers' work. :-)

      Delete
  19. Love the details with the hand signals and the prayer. Very visual:)

    ReplyDelete
  20. Excellent imagery! All so clear, love the detail!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Kylhr's ritualistic response hints at his society and his belief system. Nice.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Ed. I want to thank you again for your comment last week, also. I really took it to heart--about the MC's name. :-)

      Delete
  22. Love the ritual prayer before the hunt. You're so great at those details that really make a story work!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Kate! I appreciate your encouraging words. :-)

      Delete
  23. I really liked the "prayer" he offered to the skies but totally forgot he was an alien until you said something in your notes. Placing his clenched fist to his heart just sounds so human - I like it, but I wonder if you want folks to see that much "human" in the character. Like I said though, I really like it. Great snippet.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, I do, Chelle. If it were straight up scifi, I might be hesitant, but it's not. So I think this is one more way to have the reader climb easily inside of his head--to have human qualities. In everything I've read about Earth's mythology (religions) I've only come across one little nomadic culture that had no formal belief in a god or in the hereafter (atheists worldwide aside). I've long thought that Clarke's third law addresses the varied beliefs of far-flung faiths. Perhaps "God" is a significantly advanced technology that we don't understand (and likely never will). Based on that, and human proclivity to create God stories and myths, I extrapolate that alien (intelligent) life forms would do the same.

      Thanks for your thought provoking comment. :-)

      Delete
  24. I love this snippet. My favorite part is how you describe when he prays, very beautiful. You gave me the chills.

    ReplyDelete