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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Saturday, April 11, 2015

Weekend Writing Warriors: April 12, 2015


                    My most humble apologies if I didn't get to your blog last week. I was unexpectedly busy. I will make it around today. :-)
Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday, and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good. 
                 Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE  



This is Chapter 2 from my SFR WIP, Across The Night Sky  where we're introduced to the male main character, Kuylrh--second in line to the throne in the Rialtan Empire.  The previously posted hunting scenes now segue into his meeting with the female MC. Final sentence last Sunday was: "He was vaguely aware of crashing sounds and  screams, but they sounded so far away, like he was hearing them through water."

"Even in his confusion, he processed the grim noises: groaning metal and cries of alarm, running footsteps, growling and snarling, a shrill scream abruptly halted and replaced by gurgling noises. He didn't have to see them to know; the abzions were running wild, breaking down walls and eating whatever or whoever couldn’t get away from them.  
The specimens on board, all taken against their will. Giver above—and now he was one of them. He'd soon enough be dead if he couldn’t find cover or at the very least, his weapon. He pushed against the floor in a fruitless attempt to stand. The rusted wall, the darkness, a dim blinking light above where he struggled all started doing a slow spin around him. He collapsed, closing his eyes to the dizzying pain."


That's it. What works. What doesn't? I'm grateful for every comment you leave. :-)

46 comments:

  1. Sounds really dire and very frightening. I really like the "voice" you've given him, it's easy to hear the desperation he must be feeling. Great 8.

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    1. Thanks, Chelle! Your words mean a lot. !

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  2. I guess it's good that the abzions decided to attack the ship and gave him a break, but that still doesn't sound like a great situation to be in. I'm curious to see how he'll get out of this.

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    1. Thanks, Aheila! I'm glad you're curious!

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  3. Beautiful description and a terrifying scene!

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  4. Whoa. He's in trouble and I was right there with him. Great description of all hell breaking loose. :D

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    1. Yep, it's falling apart around him. I think it will take a woman to save him. ;-) Thanks!

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  5. It all works for me! Excellent imagery and fast paced tension!

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  6. Great description. Definitely hooked and looking forward to reading more!

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    1. I'm so glad to read your words, Eleri! :-) Thanks.

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  7. I was holding my breath the whole time. Good thing it was only eight sentences.

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  8. Action scene and description is perfect. You captured me in a frightening way.

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    1. Thanks, Charmaine, Your words mean so much. :-)

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  9. Dear oh dear, he better get it together or he's gonna be lunch. Great snippet, Teresa. Full of tension and suspense. :)

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  10. He keeps going from the frying pan further into the fire!

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    1. And he's about to sizzle. :-) Thanks, Carrie-Anne!

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  11. Wow, this is fascinating. I like that he seems to understand what he's been plunged into, can't wait to find out more. This is a very exciting story!

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    1. He does. There's a history, and it's disclosed through the story. Thanks, Veronica!

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  12. What a vivid, fraught scene!

    This will definitely take his mind off his marriage woes! :D

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    1. Yeppers, it does, Sarah. But it doesn't take long for this thoughts to turn back that way...

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  13. Oh gosh! I'm dying to read more of this. This week's snippet is a cliffhanger the size of Dover. So well done.

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    1. :-) Thank you so much. I can't believe how insecure I'm getting the closer I get to finishing this.

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  14. Wow! Just WOW! I do not want to be in his shoes. Tense, fraught, scary as hell. I'm keeping everything crossed that he finds the strength to get up in time. Great 8!

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  15. Wonderful and gripping eight, Teresa! Ugh, scary to boot!

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  16. Well, this can't bode well. lol What an intense scene!!

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  17. Haha! Yep, not well. But help is on the way. ;-) Thanks for visiting!

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  18. The abzions are restless, eh? Poor Kuylrh.

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  19. OOh, the suspense! All taken against their will? I love it. So intense!

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  20. Oh, he's in trouble now. Very intense.

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  21. The suspense you create by letting us hear but not see the destruction is awesome. Really great snippet!

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    1. :-) Oh, that is so good to know! Thanks, Alexis!

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  22. I love the sound-words, and the vivid description you paint with these sentences. The only thing I'd like to see here would be more visceral detail, maybe with Kuylrh vicariously FEELING the attack, the jaws tearing him apart, choking out his breath...

    Maybe a line or two of half-dreaming that, as he loses consciousness, trying to hang on...

    But a powerful 8, just as it is, and I want more. A lot more.

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    1. Good suggestions, Shan. Mulling them over. :-) Thank you!

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  23. lot of details and good visual. especially at the end where he's pushing off the floor and everything goes tipsy on him

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