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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Sunday, April 5, 2015

Weekend Writing Warriors: April 5, 2015







  Happy April. Happy Easter, happy Passover--to all who celebrate either or both. There's waaaaay too much chocolate at this house right now.  Oh wait. No such thing. ;-)

                  Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday, and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good. 

                 Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE  


This is Chapter 2 from my SFR WIP, ATNS, called "The Hunter"  where we're introduced to the male main character, Kuylrh--second in line to the throne in the Rialtan Empire.  They're  hunting on a remote world called Tazulta. "Abzions" are the animals they're hunting. I've skipped ahead a couple of paragraphs.


"He jerked the blade free to make another strike, but a deafening roar and blinding, blue-white light rendered him helpless. Jecking Science ship collecting specimens! He was weightless, his body turning and twisting, and then crushing pressure made it nearly impossible to breathe. In what felt like less than a heartbeat, Kuylerh’s surroundings changed along with three of the angry abzions. Before he could get his bearings, his prey became predator and gnashed at him with razor teeth. A laceration across his chest and a numbing blow from the animal’s bony mound sent him flying into a rusted steel wall; he was on the Science ship.
             A blurry moment passed as he fought to just keep breathing.  He was vaguely aware of crashing sounds and  screams, but they sounded so far away, like he was hearing them through water."


That's it. What works. What doesn't? I'm grateful for every comment you leave. :-)




36 comments:

  1. Exciting snippet, love the part about the sound - so realistic!

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  2. Terrific action sequence, Teresa, I love it!

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  3. Oh lots of tension here! So not only has he been grabbed away from the planet, but the animals are ready to tear him to bits! Will he be tossed back like an old shoe caught in a fishing net, or will the ship leave the planet before they realize he's there? So many questions to urge us to keep reading, well done girl!

    I'm thinking you don't need to capitalize Science, unless that's the name of the ship.

    Something else strikes me and I'll bet this is such a little detail it never occurred to you. I always see this novel referred to in your posts as ATNS, but it's been so long since I've seen the whole title, maybe you could add that occasionally to remind folks and for new blog readers.

    Wishing you and yours a wonderful Easter :-)

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    1. Thanks, Marcia! :-) Rethining the Science. It's their culture. ;-)

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  4. Yikes! That situation deteriorated quickly. Great action sequence!

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  5. Uh-oh! Is he a specimen or accidental bycatch? Neither option bodes well!

    BTW, I've just realized why I always stumble over Kuylrh's name. Faced with a string of consonants, my mind keeps wanting to stick the final vowel in between the "r" and the "h" and it takes a mental effort every time to correct it. It might help to drop that silent "h" and make it Kuylr. What do you think?

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    1. Still mulling it over, Ian. Thanks for visiting!

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  6. I found it interesting that he immediately knew he was on a science ship. I hadn't realized he was living in a high tech world. Love how the situation changed in the blink of an eye - great snippet.

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  7. Danger and confusion equals lots of excitement. Can't wait to find out what happens next.

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  8. what a great scene...very intense. Great snippet.

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  9. Love the description of his fading consciousness. Great snippet, Teresa. :)

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  10. For weeks I've kept thinking to suggest-drop the 'H' in his name.
    The scene begins with a thrust of a dagger and then deteriorates and fast. Scary and wonderful. Save him next week, please.

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    1. Lol--he'll be saved, soon enough. Thanks, Charmaine!

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  11. I like sudden reversals like this, where the hunter becomes the hunted--by both abzions and the scientists.

    I had trouble with one phrase, though that may be because I hadn't read a description of the abzions: "the animal’s bony mound". I didn't know what that referred to. As I say, the full context may make it clear.

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    1. Thanks, Ed. There is a description earlier in this chapter. Thanks for questioning it, though. :-)

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  12. Are these science ships from his world or another world? Whoever they are, I hope they rescue him! Must be strange to be jerked up like a fish in a net. I bet he's resourceful, though. Great 8! Tweeted.

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  13. Great action description. Fast-paced and intense!

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  14. Happy Easter Teresa!!! OMG, this snippet is so intense, love this scene, "He was weightless, his body turning and twisting, and then crushing pressure made it nearly impossible to breathe." A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!!!!

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  15. That's an intense encounter! I love the action and uncertainty.

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  16. Omigosh, this is really scary. I was wincing as I read it. Terrific visuals.

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  17. Ouch! Quite a turn of event. Scary and vivid. Nicely done!

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