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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Saturday, April 25, 2015

Weekend Writing Warriors: April 25, 2015


               Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday, and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good. 
                 Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE  




This is Chapter 2 from my SFR WIP, Across The Night Sky  where we're introduced to the male main character, Kuylrh--second in line to the throne in the Rialtan Empire.  The previously posted hunting scenes now segue into his meeting with the female MC. He's been collected (abducted) by an alien ship.  He's injured.  It's not important to know what a Sezketchee is right now. It's explained over the next two chapters in fleeting references. I've also changed the name of the beasts they are hunting from "abzions" to "ferabests" Final sentence last Sunday was: "He didn’t recognize the dialect of Sezket she used; in fact he was fairly sure, even with the lack of clarity accompanying the throbbing ache in his head, that it wasn’t Sezket at all.""



"Without warning there was movement directly in front of him. A blur of teeth, claws, and tangled fur came at him from out of the murksome space. The woman jumped between him and the attacking ferabest, swinging a stick, or maybe it was a lance or a sword? 

A Sezketchee warrior?  
He really was confused.There was no such thing."


That's it. What works. What doesn't? I went to my latin dictionary to find a better sounding name (ferabests). Does that work--or have any suggestions? :-) I'm grateful for every comment you leave. :-)

56 comments:

  1. Love this, Teresa!! Such imagery, and the otherworldly language . . . just love it!

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    1. Thanks, Sara. The closer I get to finishing it, the more insecure I get. :-)

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  2. "murksome space'" Interesting and evocative wording. Nice eight!

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    1. Thanks, Ed. I admit that I often turn to a thesaurus for a unique word. Then I'm never sure if it's off-the-charts weird, or just right. :-)

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    2. :-D <--- HUGE smile. Thank you!

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  3. LOL, for a moment I thought the ferabest sounded like one of my cats (teeth, claws, and tangled fur)...
    Great imagery and a totally believable world. Great 8.

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    1. Ha! lol. Cats can be stinkers, you know. ;-)

      Thanks so much for your kind words. :-)

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  4. ACK! What is it?! Great details and tension, as ever, Teresa!

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    1. A nightmare. It eats anything that doesn't run fast enough to get out of its way." ;-)

      Thanks, Steven!

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  5. I agree...great imagery and detail, terrific tension. It's a really great moment.

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  6. I love this, Teresa! He's being knocked back on all fronts!

    I wonder if his definition of warrior matches the Sezketchee one? :)

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    1. :-) Yes he is! He has no idea what she is but at least he understands where he is and that he was collected as a study specimen. She, on the other hand, has no idea what happened, where she is, and what's going on. Thanks for visiting, Sarah. :-)

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  7. Ooh, guess he's gonna start by owing her one, whoever she is. I love all of the cool words you come up with.

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    1. Yep, and that sense of owing her one is going to bring about a huge problem. Thanks for visiting, Christina!

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  8. Great action here! She comes out swinging. I love this character already!

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    1. Thanks, Neva! She's complex. It comes out in layers over the pages of the story. :-)

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  9. this is a super teaser. leaving us right when the animal attacks? like the action and how you still feel as if he's dazed.

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    1. Thanks, Michelle! I'm so glad his confusion seems realistic. :-)

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  10. A grand entrance. I get the feeling this will be a tumultuous relationship. Another great snippet, Teresa!

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    1. Oh my, it will have its moments, Alexis. She's very down to earth, human. They have some cultural differences. :-) Hurdles... And hurdles make books fun--to read and to write. ;-) Thanks for visiting!

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  11. Tense snippet, his bewilderment is clear, good job he was protected...this time!

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    1. Yep. His feelings of indebtedness could be a catalyst for a long and emotional story. Thanks for visiting, Gemma!

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  12. I enjoy that she's defending him, to his own surprise. My brain was wrestling with the word murksome, to the point I went and looked it up...ok, it IS a word.....can't wait for more of this story, murksome or not LOL!

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    1. Haha! Yes..."murksome". I found it in the thesaurus, and it sounded out of the ordinary to me, like a word that a reader would get the gist of, yet not really know the definition. You know--that it could pass for an alien word. ;-) lol Thanks for visiting, Veronica. :-)

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  13. Very intense here. Too bad it had to end at such a high moment. Great as always, Teresa!

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  14. Very evocative, and I always appreciate female fighters.

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  15. Great action flow! Oh, I'm interested to see what happens next. :)

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    1. Thanks, Lorien! I'll continue here next week. :-)

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  16. I do wonder how he's going to react to being protected by her. Will he be threatened? Accepting? Wary? And I thought, at first, that the word "ferabest" was a misspelling of another made-up word, "farabeast." But if you use it as "farabest" over and over, any idea of a typo would be alleviated.

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    1. Interesting comment, Patricia. I did go to the Latin for this word. Fera and bestia both--in some context, mean beast. I shied away from going with ferabeast because it seemed almost idiotically Earth English. I worried that readers might get the idea that these people from the Rialtan Empire had some connection to Earth. They don't. The next generation will, though.:-)

      Thanks for the observation. None of this is carved in stone yet. :-)

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  17. Fascinating world you've created. I can picture the injured young man, the attack and the woman who jumps in to save him.It's so real in a strange way. Keep going. You've got a super story here.

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  18. Heroes who love strong females and can accept a helping hand now and then are hot!

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    1. Haha! He's all things male. Sometimes his ego gets in the way. ;-) Thanks for visiting, Dani!

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  19. I loved that he's amazed not that she's a woman (unless all Sezketchee are women) but that she's a warrior. He really is learning a whole new set of survival skills--adaptation being a huge one. Can't wait for the rest of his reaction! :)

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    1. You are incredibly intuitive to possibilities, Jenna. All Sezketchee are, in fact, female. They have a sort of pay-for-play culture out in their galaxy. They do occasionally reproduce with the aid of a wayfaring male, but the progeny is always true to the mother--and is female. It's a symbiosis, of sorts.

      Thanks for your comment! It's odd, but the enthusiasm of the wewriwa gang is making me enthusiastic about getting this book edited. :-)

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  20. Guess there is such a thing after all. You truly are a wonderful world builder.

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    1. Awe, you made me blush, Elaine. Thanks for encouragement. :-)

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  21. Sounds like quite a terrifying critter. And murksome is a wonderful word!

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  22. I thought the first paragraph was great :D It was powerful and really sucked me in as a reader. His confusion and fear really came through the dynamic prose.

    Without the proper context, I wasn't sure what you were trying to accomplish with the second paragraph. After reading the first one I had this feeling of suspense and danger. Then the second paragraph slowed everything down and took me as a reader from a place of danger to safety. It's not necessarily wrong, but if your intentions were to keep the danger and tension throughout the whole snippet it might help to convey that with the protagonist's actions. Instead of being scared here or reacting with surprise (like I expected him to be), he is mellow and contemplative. Also, the second paragraph is more or less implied by the first so I'm not sure you need all of it. But that's just my humble opinion :$

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    1. Thanks, PB! I think in the larger context, it works. It's so hard to judge from just 8 sentences.

      We're still only hinting at what a Sezketchee is. It's part of his personal history and has a great deal to do with his preference in women. :-)

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  23. I like the sense that he's still trying to get his feet under him. Also especially like this line> "A blur of teeth, claws, and tangled fur came at him from out of the murksome space."

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  24. I'm not certain whether he's amazed because she's a warrior or because she's a woman warrior. Which ever, you've pulled me into your world. Great snippet!

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    1. Thanks, Gem! Glad it pulled you in. Specifically, that she is a Sezketchee warrior. All Sezkets are female. And by nature, they are not warrior-types. :-)

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  25. This makes me wonder how well traveled your MC is, who the Sezketchee are, and which race of people your female MC belongs, too. Nice way to pull me into your world.

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    1. I'm glad it made you wonder. Thanks, Aheila!

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  26. I have a feeling his confusion might just be beginning. Hopefully he's manly enough to not mind a woman coming to his rescue.

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    1. :-) There's a decent man inside of him. Thanks for visiting, Carrie-Anne.

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