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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Saturday, April 18, 2015

Weekend Writing Warriors: April 19, 2015


               Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday, and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good. 
                 Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE  



This is Chapter 2 from my SFR WIP, Across The Night Sky  where we're introduced to the male main character, Kuylrh--second in line to the throne in the Rialtan Empire.  The previously posted hunting scenes now segue into his meeting with the female MC. He's been collected (abducted) by an alien ship.  He's injured.  It's not important to know what a Sezketchee is right now. It's explained over the next two chapters in fleeting references. This is very early in the story and I want to exclude as much back-story as possible. Final sentence last Sunday was: "He collapsed, closing his eyes to the dizzying pain."



"Hurried footsteps grew louder. A shadow appeared and then came to a stop in the doorway. Sweet Giver above, somehow in my dying hour, a Sezketchee has found her way to me. He could see her pale face, her eyes open wide while she scanned the area he was in. When she saw him, their eyes locked for just a moment. Then she moved toward him through the dusky space, walking on the balls of her feet, barely making a sound.
She knelt next to him and spoke, a question he thought,  indicated by the raised pitch at the end. He didn’t recognize the dialect of Sezket she used; in fact he was fairly sure, even with the lack of clarity accompanying the throbbing ache in his head, that it wasn’t Sezket at all."


That's it. What works. What doesn't? I'm grateful for every comment you leave. :-)

38 comments:

  1. Hmmm, will she be the one he's been looking for? Become his mate? Can't wait for next 8!

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  2. They meet for the first time...and what a meeting it is with him dizzy, lying on his back, and not understanding a word she's saying. Love it!

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  3. That's a very visual snippet, I'm relieved that she isn't the enemy he thought she was. Loving this story!

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    1. Not the enemy at all. :-) Thanks for visiting, Gemma. :-)

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  4. Your descriptive prose allowed me to SEE the scene, very engrossing and well-done.

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    1. Woot! Great words to read, Chelle. Thank you!

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  5. Great imagery. Reminded me of something out of the x-files <3 Great eight!

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    1. Thanks, Sara. Flattering comparison. :-)

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  6. An incredibly well detailed scene, Terersa, awesome!

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  7. Wonderful snippet, Teresa! Will she be the one he's looking for? Will she help him or will she have other ideas? Great eight!

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    1. Thanks, Elyzabeth! Time will tell. A hint: The two of them are the story... :-)

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  8. This is great coming from his viewpoint, lets us really experience everything right there with him. Guaranteed to make everybody hope that he really will be all right, and to make us wonder what she thinks about him, seeing that he's injured. Super excerpt :-)

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    1. Thanks, Marcia. I always count on you to pick out the fine nuances that aren't working. It must be okay? :-) BTW, I really appreciate your eagle eye--or is it an owl eye? :-)

      His POV actually caused a MAJOR rewrite. I guess I knew it always was coming. I just had to accept and then commit to it.

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  9. I enjoyed the scene throughout. I'm sorry I missed the previous snippets, but this looks like an engaging story. Then again, you never fail to deliver great stories, Teresa!

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    1. Thanks for the encouraging words, Frank!

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  10. Great job on the snippet. Always pulling me in.

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  11. Like a silent movie, you've painted a scene letting us in to his thoughts. Wondrous eight.

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  12. Oh, wow, that's a great snippet, Teresa. And boy is he gonna be surprised when he finds out who/what she is. :)

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  13. Love his observation and description of her. Great job on the meeting setup. Now I want more. :)

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  14. The creature definitely adds a new element to your tale. I found myself wanting at least a ballpark idea to help me picture what she was--huge, tiny, threatening, smelly--but I realize that isn't exactly a fair criticism of an mere 8 sentences.

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    1. It's spread throughout the second chapter. A bit more description is yet to come. :-) The 8 sentence limitation does make that part of critting difficult. :-) Thanks for visiting, Ed!

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  15. I love how you set the scene. There are so many great details.

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    1. thanks, Carrie-Anne. Your kind words are much appreciated. :-)

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  16. Interesting development. I enjoy how rapidly the story is moving - excellent excerpt!

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    1. Thanks, Veronica. An old supervisor from the day job read my very rough, original draft. (Yeah, I'm so embarrassed now). She told me that she enjoyed my writing because I didn't waste time on too many descriptions. Then she added that I wrote like a man. :-) Wonder if I write like a girl now? ;-)

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  17. It all works! Hurry and get it out. We all want to read it.

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    1. Thank you, thank you, Elaine! By my mom's birthday. One more editing pass, then let it sit in a file for a month. Then the real work begins--covering ground that'll be all new to me. Actual self-publishing. :-)

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  18. She sounds intriguing! I like how you set up a certain expectation in his mind, and now he's floundering because she's not what he thought she was.

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    1. Thanks, Christina! He's definitely confused right now. :-)

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  19. more and more curious. great descriptions in this Teresa.

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    1. :-) <--- BIG smile. Thank you, Michelle!

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