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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Weekend Writing Warriors: Futile...


Week 10: " Futile..."
Welcome Eighters! Happy springtime--I hope it feels like springtime where you are. It finally does, here.   Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly blog-hop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at Weekend Writing Warriors, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between 12:00 noon Saturday, and 9:00 AM Sunday EST.  Then we visit each other, read, comment, critique, encourage--all those great things that do a solitary writer's heart good.

Give it a try--we're a pretty nice bunch of people.  :-)

This week, returning to my WIP, ATNS. This takes place about a third of the way through the story.

The setup:  Cuylrh is the POV character. He's in love with a woman named Rissa from a previously unknown world called earth.  Daekartha is his grandfather, and also the high King of Rialt. Cuylrh will inherit the throne.  Daekartha has (without ever having met her) deemed Rissa, unacceptable for his grandson. Cuylrh has Rissa in another location, guarded, for her own safety.

Daekartha has tracked down his grandson and just asked him if he's chosen a mate yet.

Looking at Daekartha’s face, he searched for any chinks, but solid armor was what he saw. The old man’s expression was hard, his jaw set, and his gold eyes issued resolve. Cuylrh knew it was a futile endeavor—trying to educate an old man who already knew everything he wanted to know. But it was all he had left; he had to try. “Honestly grandfather, I refuse to choose.  I would happily delay the whole affair if you would consent to me claiming Rissa as my mate.”  He held his grandfather’s gaze, keeping it just as even and intense as the old man’s. “She’d have time to learn the language and the history, and you would have time to learn that she is not an enemy.”

That's it.  What jumps out at you, good or bad ? I'd love to hear it and am truly grateful for every bit of criticism, opinion, and shared wisdom..  Thank you so much for visiting! 

Note* If you are launching a book, offering one for free promotion, or  have a blogpost you'd like shared, tweet me @Teresa_Willow and I'll retweet it for you. :-)

44 comments:

  1. I really like the metaphor of the solid armor and searching for chinks. :)
    I think it can be the heart of your exposition in this scene. To make it shine more, I would personally try to make it self-sufficient and reduce/cut the explanation sentences that follow it.
    But that's my personal opinion and may not work with the voice or flow, or turn out to be too confusing.
    I like the tension between the two characters. It makes me curious to learn how they'll work out their issues! ;)

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    1. Thanks, Aheila. Considering every word of advice you wrote. :-)

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  2. I like what I'm reading here, Teresa. It seems to fit the situation nicely.

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  3. Powerful plea. You captured me from the beginning. Super eight.

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  4. "Searched for any chinks..." Love the metaphor here. Nicely done!

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  5. Beautifully describes the expectations of one generation for another. What works for one doesn't always work for the other and that can often be painful for both. The generation gap is alive and well. Great 8.

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    1. Thanks, India! And on another world--life's the same everywhere ;-)

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  6. Really nice piece! I especially like "who already knew everything he wanted to know" -- says so much about the grandfather.

    I'm not sure about his eyes issued resolve; I like the armor metaphor and the resolve part doesn't quite seem as smooth to me.

    But I agree that this is a wonderful depiction of the generation gap. I hope you continue from this spot.

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    1. I wasn't sure when I wrote it. Really considering a change, there. :-) Thanks, Marcia!! :-)

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  7. Sounds like a good argument to me, but something tells me his grandfather will not be so easily swayed.

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    1. Nope. It's be easier to move a mountain. :-) Thanks for visiting, Claire.

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  8. Nice try on your hero's part but somehow I don't think the appeal is going to work. Can't wait to read more - excellent excerpt!

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  9. I want the grandfather to okay their union, pretty please. I'm begging here, lol.

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    1. lol...Oh, that would be telling. A lot of tears before laughter. :-)

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  10. The old man seems pretty set in his ways.

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    1. He is, Sue Ann. Thanks for visiting. :-)

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  11. From reading your past snippets I got the feeling that Cuylrh himself wasn't exactly a fledgling, I always pictured him middle-aged, at the least. I don't know if I'm totally off the track, but it appears as though he expects a negative outcome, but he asks anyway, because it's customary, and not because he actually thinks he'll get or even need his grandfather's approval...all these questions! Man, I'm intrigued! :)

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    1. He's is just about to turn 30. She is around 23. Daekartha is a cold prick. But it was fun redeeming him. :-)

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  12. Grandpa doesn't sound like a man who easily changes his mind. Good luck to them.

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    1. No, Grandpa has some hard days ahead of him. :-) Thanks, Elaine. :-)

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  13. A grabber.
    Look forward to how the old man reacts.
    Kudos!

    (Have you previously posted how those names are pronounced? It would be nice to know.)

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    1. Nope, I haven't posted a pronunciation key. I'll work on getting one together. ;-)
      Thanks for visiting, Chip. :-)

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  14. Previously unknown place called Earth - - - this sentence scares me, specially after yesterday.We saw Jurassic Park in 3D yesterday. It was a nice experience. John Williams music and the story line still seems good even for today.
    What jumps at me - - I guess when I see bad. I still believe in good, so I am not surprised by good.

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    1. John Williams has written some good stuff,. Thanks, Munir :-)

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  15. I really like it. The only thing I'd suggest is dropping the - ; or only using sparingly.

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    1. Thanks, Kylie. Noted and appreciated! :-)

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  16. Wow, great snippet, Teresa. I love that he stands up to the old man. Well done. :)

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    1. Thanks, Siobhan. The old man always gets his way. He's the King. ;-)

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  17. I like the way the young man's gaze echoes his grandfather's ... very telling in a just a line or two.

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    1. Thanks, Ann. Neat that that stood out. :-)

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  18. Excellent line right here, "...trying to educate an old man who already knew everything he wanted to know." That really defines Daekartha's character. Well done!

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  19. This snippet feels softer (in a good way), than many of the previous snippets you've posted from this piece. Great job.

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    1. Thanks, Jess. Always strive for "in a good way" ;-)

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  20. I'm interested in hearing the grandfather's reply. Will be back. Thanks for sharing.

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    1. Thanks, Jennifer. Nice to see you! :-)

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  21. Another great snippet! Look forward to these every Sunday!

    ~Joyce Scarbrough

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  22. I've been in this situation, where you have to face someone who is not willing to listen, and still you try. It is a frustrating and emotionally abrasive feeling, and I think you conveyed that well.

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