This week, going back to the pub scene in Aaydan's Tale.
"The action all seemed to be at a table closer
to the bar where the men were all drunk.
Their arm-wrestling and glory-boasting had taken that mysterious turn to
the ultimate winner-takes-all competition: they had begun to compare scars.
A heavily-bearded
redhead raised his shirt, displaying a long scar that stretched from one side
of his ribs, across his chest, and up to his shoulder. His voice was full of laughter and lies as he
said, “The Dominion…the nitnackers caught me at a station, two days away. Said
they was takin me in for smugglin. I told them I wain’t no smuggler…but if’n I
was, they’d be the last to catch up w’ me.”
A bit long, but keeping it all in context.
Hope everyone's first week in May was wonderful. :-)
Teresa, I really like these guys! If I may make one suggestion, the semicolon you have after "winner-takes-all competitiion" might be better as a colon.You have a pretty tight six here, good visuals. I'll be back!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Owllady. And thanks for catching the punctuation error. You may make all the suggestions you like. :-)
DeleteYou've captured the weird ways of a group of drunk men wonderfully! LOL.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Lorraine~ I worked at a bar once--during the long list of jobs I've held. And men are a weird bunch when they get to drinking, boasting, jesting... :-)
DeleteThis is so funny! The scar comparison really is the ultimate competition.
ReplyDeletehaha! SO true, Kate... I have seen it for years :-) All the glory days seem to fade away...except for the ones with a scar to prove it happened ;-)
DeleteMen-talk at the bar... lol, nice six sentence Teresa. I had an outstanding first week in May, a one not to forget ever. Have a great upcoming week!
ReplyDeleteThank, Jan! You men are funny things ;-)
Deletewell done. You especially caught well the boasting guy's dialogue here: "The Dominion…the nitnackers caught me at a station, two days away. Said they..." as that totally sounds like guys like this would start their story. Set the location, then who and what happened, etc. Well done!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Angela! :-)
DeleteLovely snippet, captures the scene beautifully.
ReplyDelete...they had begun to compare scars. - ROFL!
Thanks, Botanist! I am glad that it brought a chuckle :-)
DeleteGreat scene, with sterotypical 'man-talk'!
ReplyDeleteThank you, so much, Paula. I hope it isn't offensive to any male readers...but it is written as pure entertainment... :-) Thanks for giving it a read. :-)
DeleteAh, I know this one, good choice! Actually, this moment alone has so much meat to it, it works really well as a stand-alone excerpt. It has everything, including the punch line! Regarding the tavern-talk, I think I could never pull that off the way you do. This is how men are - untouched, in their natural habitat! :) Working in a bar must be the coolest job to learn these things about people! I'd like to hear more about that one day! Well done! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Dana! I bet that you would be surprised at how you could pull off tavern talk. What I wrote was influenced by what I have witnessed and experienced in my generation--which is one older than yours. I suspect that your tavern talk would be quite good--and uniquely yours. :-) And I just know that out there in the world of fantasy, there are taverns that would resemble those full of today's younger people. Those...I could not write believably. ;-)
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