EU Blurb attempt #2

 Welcome to Weekend Writing Warriors. Thank you to everyone who left a comment last week. If you'd like to participate or read tempting morsels from other authors, please sign up--or check the linky list at: http://wewriwa.blogspot.com/

      Also, check out the Snippet Sunday group on facebook. 
     This is the possible blurb for Emmily, Unbound, an SFR story.  To read a compilation of all snippets posted for this story, click Here: Emmily Unbound, Chapter 1

 

  A BIG thank you for all of the advice last week. I put quite a bit of it to use with the rewrite. Again, thanks!

         Implementing some of the suggested changes on the fly.  Now at 165 words.

    Now, the  snippet:

Emmily lost everything that bound her to her ordinary and happy life. Now she has a simple plan: start over in the mountains and never-ever fall in love again. But everything goes  sideways when a UFO crash-lands on the next ridge over, and on a desolate road she’s waylaid by men demanding help for their injured friend, General. He's confused, bleeding, and sweet Lord, he's good looking--even while he's sneering and growling at her.

While fleeing an ambush meant to kill him, Gen Rael is gravely injured when his ship crashes on Earth. The human woman his crew captures to aid them is a confounding mixture of terrified and tough—and he’s losing his heart to her.

Despite being their hostage, Emmily is sympathetic to the peril they’re in.  There’s a threat coming, and it’s lethal to all of them, including her. And her simple plan about never-ever loving again?That’s about to fail…

Will Emmily risk it all to keep Rael and his crew safe until their rescue comes—despite the heartbreak lying ahead?

        That's the snippet.  If you have the time, a second version follows--implementing suggestions. This is 157 words. Would love to hear your thoughts. :-)

 

 

Emmily lost everything that bound her to her ordinary and happy life. Now she has a simple plan: start over in the mountains and never-ever fall in love again. But everything goes  sideways when a UFO crash-lands on the next ridge over, and on a desolate road she’s waylaid by men demanding help for their injured friend, General. He's confused, bleeding, and sweet Lord, he's good looking--even while he's sneering and growling at her.

While fleeing an ambush meant to kill him, Gen Rael is gravely injured when his ship crashes on Earth. The human woman his crew captures to aid them is a confounding mixture of terrified and tough—and he’s losing his heart to her.

Despite being their hostage, Emmily is sympathetic to the peril they’re in.  There’s a threat coming, and it’s lethal to all of them, including her. And her simple plan about never-ever loving again? Looks like that’s about to fail…

     
     

    Thanks so much for reading, and if you left a comment, I'll throw in a virtual hug.

Note* I'm re-posting the bit about the relaxed rules in case I've missed anyone:
     In short, the WeWriWa rules have been relaxed. The goal is to maintain ease of finding the weekly snippet, but allowing more promo for published books.  You can check them out here: http://wewriwa.blogspot.com/p/the-rules-of-wewriwa.html
      We love our core group, the close-knit community that has evolved here at WeWriWa, the ease and joy of our weekly 'gathering,' but we also recognize that the time authors spend sharing and commenting has to make marketing sense, too. Time is precious.  This change would also eliminate the need for the "wonky punctuation to stay within guidelines" disclaimer. 

 The Original:

Emmily Wagner lost everything that bound her to her ordinary and happy life. Now she has one simple plan: Move to the mountains and start over. Just stick to the mission, find her muse, write her book, and never ever fall in love again.

But, you can’t plan everything, like a UFO crash-landing on the next ridge over, or being held up at gunpoint—maybe ray-gunpoint—in the middle of nowhere. The gun wielders demand her help for their friend, General. He’s bleeding, confused, and, sweet Lord, he's good looking…even while  sneering and growling at her.

She might be their hostage, but she’s not blind to the peril they’re in. They’re running from something, and they’ll wind up dead if their whereabouts are discovered. And she’s not sure which is worse. If whoever is chasing them catches up, or if they’re found by  the men in shiny black cars with government plates.

Her resolve to never love again is hanging by a tattered thread. She needs to keep her heart where it belongs, because as soon as General's rescue ship arrives, he’s gone.

 

WeWriWa:Possible Blurb

 

                                                                Happy August!
     Welcome to Weekend Writing Warriors. Thank you to everyone who left a comment last week. If you'd like to participate or read tempting morsels from other authors, please sign up--or check the linky list at: http://wewriwa.blogspot.com/

      Also, check out the Snippet Sunday group on facebook. 
     This is the possible blurb for Emmily, Unbound, an SFR story.  To read a compilation of all snippets posted for this story, click Here: Emmily Unbound, Chapter 1

 

     I'm posting the wanna-be blurb as my snippet. It comes in at 190 words. Give it to me straight; my shoulders are broad.  :-)  I've written and rewritten this maybe 20 times. I had NO idea how hard it is to write a blurb. I really hope it gets easier. :-) 

        Now, the  snippet:

    Implementing some of the suggested changes on the fly.  Now at 182 words.

Emmily lost everything that bound her to her ordinary and happy life. Now she has one simple plan: Start over. Move to the mountains with her dog, Murphy, find her muse, write her book, and never-ever- fall in love again.

But her new life spirals out of control when a UFO crash-lands on the next ridge over, and on a desolate road, its crew waylays her. At gunpoint, they demand help for their wounded leader, Rael. He’s bleeding, confused, and inhumanly good looking…even while sneering and growling at her.

Even though humans are taboo, Rael can’t ignore this Earth woman, Emmily Wagner. Despite how scared she is, her willingness to help them touches his heart.

Although Emmily’s their hostage, she’s sympathetic to the peril they’re in--running from lethal enemies and the men in shiny black cars with government plates. She's the only thing standing between them and an unthinkable end.

Will she risk it all to help Rael and his crew escape despite the heartbreak lying ahead?

        That's the snippet. Would it be better without her last name? Keep the last sentence or not? I might have spent way too much time this week trying to wrangle down my first attempt (280 words) that may have been more of a synopsis than a blurb. :-)I think I'm just really confused at this point. Should I mention Murphy--or leave him out?      
     

    Thanks so much for reading, and if you left a comment, I'll throw in a virtual hug.

Note* I'm re-posting the bit about the relaxed rules in case I've missed anyone:
     In short, the WeWriWa rules have been relaxed. The goal is to maintain ease of finding the weekly snippet, but allowing more promo for published books.  You can check them out here: http://wewriwa.blogspot.com/p/the-rules-of-wewriwa.html
      We love our core group, the close-knit community that has evolved here at WeWriWa, the ease and joy of our weekly 'gathering,' but we also recognize that the time authors spend sharing and commenting has to make marketing sense, too. Time is precious.  This change would also eliminate the need for the "wonky punctuation to stay within guidelines" disclaimer. 

 The Original:

Emmily Wagner lost everything that bound her to her ordinary and happy life. Now she has one simple plan: Move to the mountains and start over. Just stick to the mission, find her muse, write her book, and never ever fall in love again.

But, you can’t plan everything, like a UFO crash-landing on the next ridge over, or being held up at gunpoint—maybe ray-gunpoint—in the middle of nowhere. The gun wielders demand her help for their friend, General. He’s bleeding, confused, and, sweet Lord, he's good looking…even while  sneering and growling at her.

She might be their hostage, but she’s not blind to the peril they’re in. They’re running from something, and they’ll wind up dead if their whereabouts are discovered. And she’s not sure which is worse. If whoever is chasing them catches up, or if they’re found by  the men in shiny black cars with government plates.

Her resolve to never love again is hanging by a tattered thread. She needs to keep her heart where it belongs, because as soon as General's rescue ship arrives, he’s gone.