Welcome to Weekend Writing Warriors
It's time for snips and bits of amazing tales by talented
writers! Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week,
participants sign up HERE
at wewriwa.com, then post 8 to 10 sentences of their work, published or
unpublished, on their own blog to go live by 9:00 AM Sunday,
EST. Then we visit each
other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a
solitary writer's heart good.
Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE
This week's snippet is from my WIP, "The Sands of Dhor". Lily, abducted from Earth by alien slavers, is with Theusand--who seems to have rescued her from the slavers. His race can communicate mind to mind. They have stopped on a world while en-route to his Dominion. They're visiting people he knows. She suspects he has some connection to them that he is keeping from her. They live in a cave system to escape detection of slavers. It's evening and their underground village has gathered for storytime. The Elder Spense has just told the children what the world used to be like. Creative punctuation ahead--to comply with guidelines. :-)
Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE
This week's snippet is from my WIP, "The Sands of Dhor". Lily, abducted from Earth by alien slavers, is with Theusand--who seems to have rescued her from the slavers. His race can communicate mind to mind. They have stopped on a world while en-route to his Dominion. They're visiting people he knows. She suspects he has some connection to them that he is keeping from her. They live in a cave system to escape detection of slavers. It's evening and their underground village has gathered for storytime. The Elder Spense has just told the children what the world used to be like. Creative punctuation ahead--to comply with guidelines. :-)
When the Elder finished, Lily sat in
silence, basking in the spell he’d cast.
Without warning, a thunderous voice
boomed, “Then evil came from the sky!”
As Lily straightened herself after nearly
falling off her cushion, she glanced around and saw others doing the same. At
least she wasn’t the only one startled half to death.
Theusand’s words filtered into her mind. “That
is Narge, still bitter over the land and home that he lost.”
When Narge continued, his voice was lower,
but he gestured wildly with his hands, his facial expressions went from
frightened to fierce. “The Bulragers, a cruel and
greedy race of slavers, came from the sky, from our beautiful blue
sky. They captured a great number our people and hauled us away, out into the stars. Forcibly, the diaspora of
our people had begun again.
They have a very dramatic well of delivering their people's history.
ReplyDeleteThey do. Thanks for visiting Ed. :-)
DeleteThey just can't stay away and keep their hands to themselves, can they? ;) Nice snippet.
ReplyDeleteNope. lol. Thanks, Fallon!
DeleteWay to interrupt a Zen moment, Narge! And nice way to include backstory, Teresa!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Nancy! :-)
DeleteSomeone knows a dramatic moment when they see it. Always keep your audience on the edge of their seat by bringing in the villains. Excellent incorporation of the back story, teresa!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Jenna! You made me smile. :-)
DeleteYou've done it again, my friend. Always exciting and full of mischief.
ReplyDeleteHaha! Must have mischief! Thanks for visiting, my friend. :-)
DeleteOh, sounds like the same thing that happened to Earth. I love how dramatically he continues the story!!
ReplyDeleteYes, indeed! Thanks for visiting, Jessica! :-)
DeleteThe question that's been on my mind for some time is - what is the relationship between the Bulragers and Theusand? They were on the same ship together from what I can remember of earlier snippets.
ReplyDeleteHi, Ian. Theusand is a mind-walker. His task is to sense emotions of the crew on board the ship. That is to stop disputes before they turn violent. Sort of a forced peace.
DeleteIt's a monstrous size ship. Private ownership--non-military. They take contracts to haul cargo.
The Bulragers contracted the shipping company to haul people for them. Slaves. Because the people were collected out of Dhor'en (The Sands') jurisdiction, it wasn't illegal. However, once they entered Dhor'en controlled space, any Itellektai they have locked up in the cargo holds must be freed. In the case of the MC, Lily, she is capable of sending her emotions--the most rudimentary form of mind-to-mind communcating. Theusand locates her and realizes that she is capable of being taught (and to advance) her soundless communication.
Theusand despises slavery. But things are going south on his home world. And the door to slavery is about to be opened.
Dev Areen will be coming back to the story later in the book.
Thanks for visiting! :-)
Ah - it's a real dramatic play.
ReplyDeleteBut why does Lord Sand want her there? To see how hopeless life on Earth must be?
She is just starting to figure out that he is in some way, related to these people.
DeleteEarlier in the story, there were the three Earthlings from France. Theusand told Lily--in front of witnesses that he coudn't help them because they wren't Itellektai. This stop has something to do with that--and to let the reader see how complex he is. He is a son of a gun, and they way we perceive his behavior (in our very human way) is that he can be as cold as they come. But, he can also do things that are good and kind. Here again, we're limited to very human self-projection when trying to discern his motivation for the things he does.
Anyway, he is there for a reason, and he will not leave Lily on board the cargo ship with Dev Areen on board. So she had to come with him planet-side.
Thanks for visiting!
Narge can sure pick his moment to bring up the unpleasant parts! Really a well done 'startle' moment for the characters and the reader. Enjoyed the excerpt..
ReplyDeleteYeah. He's a bugger, lol. He has issues with Elder Spense and the way he herds the flock. :-)
DeleteThanks for visiting, Jean!
So she shares a common fate with these people. Is that why Theusand brought her there?
ReplyDeleteIt's a bonus. (Terrible, I know, huh?) He's actuallt there for a specific reason and it has to do with the three French Earthlings from earlier in the story...the three that he told Lily he couldn't help because they weren't Itellektai. Here's a hint. ~whispering~ In another part of the story where he's having it out with Dev Areen (and discovers that the Bulragers' contract specifically gives them a pass to haul slaves) Dev Areen angrily demands to know what happened to three missing slaves from the day that Theusand took Lily away from the cargo holds. :-)
DeleteThanks for visiting!
What a startling moment! I'm curious to know why she needed to hear this story. It seems similar to what happened to Earth. So many questions. :)
ReplyDeleteAnd questions are good, right? lol Would you read more, that is the real question.
DeleteThanks for visiting, Karen!
Your hunch is right. Not useless at all!
ReplyDeleteI got you on the list. I apologize that I didn't get you on there earlier in the day.
I don't blame him for being bitter. From the sound of the story they all lost a wonderful world when evil came from the sky.
ReplyDeleteIt was a rough thing, they went through. Thanks for visiting, Elaine!
DeleteCould've been a little less dramatic there, Narge. Your audience does not need to have a heart attack before the end of the tale.
ReplyDeleteHaha! Some lessons in story-telling, perhaps? ;-) Thanks, Aldrea. :-)
DeleteGreat backstory!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Amy! :-)
DeleteGood job showing his anger and frustration over what's happened to them as a people. His timing could've been better. LOL
ReplyDeleteIt could have. Last thing the listeners want to is to go arse over tin cups. lol Thanks, Diane!
DeleteIt certainly would be unsettling to have someone come along bellowing about evil from the sky! I like Narge. He's an interesting character.
ReplyDeleteVariety does make for an interesting gathering. :-) Thanks for visiting, Cara!
Delete