Join in the fun. The Six Sunday is a great group of writers!
This week, I'm back at my WIP, ATNS. Marissa has just begun to dream--dreams that seems to come in memory form. This dream bridges the last actual memory she has before two years of her life became a gap of nonexistence. Her hope is that the dreams will lead to the answer of her missing years.
Any comments or criticisms of this description of hide and seek will be greatly appreciated and graciously acknowledged. Have a great week--and happy reading.
Chapter1: Abduction
“Go, Gavin!
Run…hide! Ten… nine… eight…
seven… I’m almost ready to come and get you! Seven…six…five…”
Giggles came from behind a permanently mounted grill where
the two- year old stood, no doubt sure he was invisible. Above him, puffy cotton clouds drifted in an endless expanse of azure sky.
Marissa laughed and then winked at her friend. “I love playing
hide and seek, don’t you, Tammy?” She looked the opposite direction of where Gavin,
wide-eyed and giggling, hid in plain
sight. “Four…four…three and a half…three…two… one… ready or not…here I
come!”
Yes, that very much describes how kids play hide and seek. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jessica. It was a hard moment to put into words--capturing the feeling. :-)
DeleteI am excited and want to know more about what this particular memory will trigger. I like the juxtaposition between what appears to be a happy, playful moment, and what terrible fate may lie ahead.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Carrie. Good words to read. "...want to know more" are magical words for a writer to hear. :-)
Deleteonce again you've done an amazing six sentence sunday. Check out mines I'd love your input.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.soniawrites.com/2012/08/six-sentence-sunday-foreigner.html
Thanks, Sonia! I will be there in a bit to check it out. :-)
DeleteGreat six - you've completely captured the way children play.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Paula! That was what I'd hoped for. *grinning*
DeleteLovely! A giggling two year old at play is a sure fire heart stealer.
ReplyDeleteThanks, MS! It sure can be, and this scene was integral...not just shoeboxed in or filling space. :-)
DeleteAww, this is so bittersweet, it makes my teeth hurt a little. :) This week's posting makes for a really nice contrast, Teresa. I think you used this "perfect" moment really nicely as a build-up for suspense. Dang, I always have to watch what I'm writing, so that I don't give anything away here. I'm biased - I love how this plays out and I'm sure the readers will be curious to find out what happens next. :) Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Dana, :-) Thanks! It is bittersweet, a "memory" to cling to as she lives through her dreams...or, a dream to cling to that she thinks is a memory :-)
DeleteI am humbled that you are biased :-D
See you in a bit. :-)
I have the feeling that something bad is about to happen... tense six. Thanks for sharing
ReplyDeleteThanks, Goran. Yep...bad things are ready to begin. :-)
DeleteAwww, reminds of my own little ones. Very nice!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Ann. I think all mom's should relate. I drew from memories of my "little ones" moments. :-)
DeleteThis is so sweet, but I'm afraid something bad is going to happen.
ReplyDelete'
Thank you, Elaine. Yes...something bad is going to happen. :-)
DeleteAw, sweet moment you've captured here-- you did a wonderful job catching the playfulness of the POV character and the little kid who thinks he's hidden :) I titally remember counting like that :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Angela! lol...I wonder if all moms can recall counting like that? :-)
DeleteYou've done an excellent job of capturing the lightness of the moment, as well as the connection they obviously feel for one another. That's not easily done. Very nice job Teresa!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Jess! It is a light moment, from the giggles to the fluffy cotton clouds :-)
DeleteWonderful six here. So playful and sweet, yet we know better!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Kate. Yep, we know better. :-)
DeleteYes, bittersweet that her last memory is this light moment. Nicely captured calm before the storm.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Monica. It is a calm before a storm. :-)
DeleteThat's a sweet memory. Must make things harder for her.
ReplyDeleteHi Kate, yep. It does... :-) !
DeleteThere's a lot going on this six. I'm imagining she wakes up, remembers the dream and starts to cry. The excerpt is made more poignant since we know Marissa has forgotten so much. *great six*
ReplyDeleteThanks, Owly! SSS posts are always educational for me. When I read your take on this snippet, it gave me pause. Even though the reader of the whole piece would see things in a clearer light, how a short excerpt can be viewed is interesting. Ideas... hmm... thinking. :-)
DeleteVery poignant. Those sharp memories always seem to come to us just before the fur starts to fly, don't they?
ReplyDeleteGreat six!
Haha! I love it Steven--"just before the fur starts to fly..." Yes, indeed they do. ;-) Thanks for visiting. :-)
ReplyDeleteThe clarity of childhood games make for sharp memories--and sharp hurts. Very evocative six and an intriguing premise to this story.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Silver! Childhood innocence can be so captivating--and enjoyable to read. I think that most of us have those kinds of memories to relate to. :-) Thanks for the visit and the kind words. :-)
DeleteHow fun!! Lovely six :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Maryellen! :-)
ReplyDeleteSorry I'm so late to the party. Summer is sooo busy! Awesome, Teresa. I love that Marissa's first inklings of her past life are full of the joy of childhood. She deserves the respite from her present. Great job!
ReplyDeleteMack, never too late for the party! Where the heck did summer go? Everyone is getting their children ready for back to school. I can't believe it! Thanks for reading this, and for your kind words. :-)
DeleteCalm before the storm is exactly what I thought! All very intriguing!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Lily. I wonder if we've all been molded to watch for a storm after a joyous calm? :-) Thanks for visiting. :-)
DeleteHi I have left you a tag for the 8 Ball Meme over at my blog if you are interested. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Suzanne. I'll check it out and get to it as soon as I can. Thanks for thinking of me! :-)
Delete