Six sentence Sunday is a great, weekly bloghop. Talented participants post six sentences (or very close to that number) of a current writing project to share with their readers. Then the fun begins--visiting blogs on the list and commenting on other six sentence posts. It's a great way to meet other writers, get feedback, and help others by visiting their posts, lending ideas and support.
You can visit the list of participants by clicking here at Sixsunday.com
My post this week is from my WIP, ATNS, where I've skipped a few paras of a hide and seek game Marissa is playing with her two year old son. It's her turn, and this is what happens:
"Marissa ducked behind a clump of mountain laurel, then stumbled in pain. Her ears began to pound, and from above, there was a blinding beam of blue
light. The drumming noise was disorienting—seeming to come from
everywhere. She couldn’t think, couldn’t see, the light so bright it forced her
to shut her eyes. A feeling of pressure was followed by her body shifting,
tumbling…falling. Thud. Blackness."
What happened? Any comments and criticisms will be received with gratitude and graciously acknowledged.
Please, visit other sixers...and join in the fun. :-)
Oh my gosh, I was holding my breath reading this, wonderful emotion, I am right there with Marissa.
ReplyDeleteAnother fabulous six :)
Thank you, Maryellen. I am so glad to read that. That is where I want the reader to be. :-)
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ReplyDeleteHi Sonia--I left this snippet of comment because it has a link that works--gets me to your google+. The other link doesn't work; it dead-ends.
DeleteOh, great show of what she experienced! But what happened? I need more! LOL Great six! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jessica! Gosh, I hope readers of the whole book feel that way. :-)
DeleteHi Teresa, this is a really tense and crisp arc you created, one that leaves the reader wanting to know what the hell is going on at the end of it. Great audio-visual imagery with "blue light" and "drumming noise". I feel like I'm there!
ReplyDeleteI take suggestions seriously, Dana! And I think this most recent edit--since you read it, shows that. I took your suggestion. I think it added to it! Thank you, thank you, thank you :-) Hugs :-)
DeleteOh wow! This is very well described and tense, too, because one assumes Marissa's little son is now in potential danger too. I can't believe I have to wait a whole week for more...
ReplyDeleteThanks, Manic! This is very eye-opening. I hadn't realized that so many would latch on to the possible danger that her son is in. It all comes out in the wash--in the pages of the story. :-)
DeleteI love the way you managed to manipulate a carefree moments into tension and intrigue, that's not easy to do. I wonder if her reality is interrupting her dreams, or if this has something to do with how she ended up in her current situation. Excellent job!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jess! Music to my ears. I hoped that the reader would wonder. :-)
DeleteI realize you're a bit limited by the format, but I'd sure like to know more about that feeling of pressure: was is like being squeezed, was it all over her body, did it affect her mind? I picture her pressing her hands over her eyes, or mayb one on her eyes and one on an ear. You've really got me interested!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the great comment, Marcia. I will revisit this in the ms with your comment in mind :-) !
DeleteDidn't see that coming. Is it reality or a delusion, I wonder?
ReplyDeleteHi Kate. Yay! I'd hoped for that. Blindsided by it--just like Marissa.
DeleteI wonder? I can't tell. That is the big hook in the story. Delusions or not? Is she delusional, or did it happen?
Oh, wow, so this is where it all started! Alien abduction? Great description of something she doesn't understand is happening...
ReplyDeleteHi Angela, I'm glad to read that you allow for possibilities. Abduction--or is it something else. :-) Thanks for visiting! :-)
DeleteLove how you use all the senses here, and the contrast between the blinding light and the final blackness is very nicely done. Great six, Teresa.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Kate. :-) Yours were some good words to read :-)
DeleteGreat six, with so many senses coming into play. Excellent!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Paula! :-) I tried to cover a lot of the senses. More to come. :-)
DeleteWOW! Scary and intense. Great job with your ending. What a page turn this snippet is!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Carrie. The actual moment of abduction. I wonder how others imagine it would be? :-)
DeleteOh crikey! This is very scary for her but what about the toddler? Roll on next week.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Elin :-) My lips are zipped. Can't give it away. :-)
DeleteThanks for visiting, Sonia. I did...found it through the other link. :-)
ReplyDeleteOh, my...what did happen? Can't wait till next week to find out!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Ann! :-)
DeleteYay! Can't wait to visit the other sixers and enjoyed your excerpt :) I just found your blog and am happy to find a fellow bio + writer lady!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Saumya. Love your name :-)
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