Domain issues remain. Once again, thanks for bearing with us while we sort through this Google/Godaddy/domain issue.
For the time being, please sign up at--and check the linky list to find other writers and other great snippets: http://wewriwa.blogspot.com/
This snippet is from Emmily, Unbound, an SFR story in first-person-present.
There could be wonky punctuation to keep within wewriwa guidelines. Emmily, the main character, has lost pretty much everything in the last twelve months: her marriage, her parents, her job, and her house. She and her dog, Murphy, are moving to an old hunting camp her parents willed to her. It's remote, in the mountains of Pennsylvania. They've just arrived,. She's checked the cabin inside and just finished running the vacuum cleaner. Last week's snippet ended with this: I’ve either seen somebody moving away from the clearing into the trees, or sasquatch has long blond hair. I spin around and race back inside.
The snippet:
It seems she's currently losing the battle to get it under control.
I
hurry through the house, checking windows, locks, and the backdoor. I should
have done this sooner but didn't think of it till now, now when there’s
something outside I don’t want to get in. Then
again, late is always better than too late.
For extra measure, I take kitchen chairs and brace them under the knobs on the front and back doors. Trying to be methodical, I mentally check off ways to make the house more secure. What am I missing?
For extra measure, I take kitchen chairs and brace them under the knobs on the front and back doors. Trying to be methodical, I mentally check off ways to make the house more secure. What am I missing?
I
turn out all the lights. That should lessen how much someone outside can see in
through the windows.
I inch farther back from the
fire to the edge of the darkness, trying to be invisible to anyone snooping through windows. My
mind is going in a crazy circle.It seems she's currently losing the battle to get it under control.
That's it for this week. Thanks for visiting! I am truly grateful for comments and suggestions, and for you taking the time to read it.
I like how she keeps her cool, sort of, and works methodically rather than simply panicking.
ReplyDeletelol--sort of. Yep. That's the story of Emmily's life. Sort of.
DeleteThanks, Ed!
Yikes. I do love the line "late is always better than too late."
ReplyDeleteThanks, Fallon. Where do these lines come from? As far as that goes, where does any of it come from? Amazing what a writer does when they're in the zone.
DeleteShe is a wonder, -just like you, my friend. You have created a fascinating tale.
ReplyDeleteAwe, thank you, dearest Charmaine! :-)
DeleteWow! This excerpt really takes us into the crazy circle of her mind! Been there myself, when snapping into survival mode! Great snippet!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Sara! Dang! That makes me feel good--you mentioning that you do it too. :-)
DeleteTense and very realistic scene following her thought process.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Nancy!! :-) Good words to read.
DeleteIn that situation, I'd do the same. And probably set traps near windows. Does she have any jacks or pieces of Lego? ;) Always looking forward to reading more!
ReplyDeleteI never thought of jacks and Legos. :-) Thanks, Jessica!
DeleteI hope she's still got the dog with her. Most intruders will avoid a house with a dog.
ReplyDeleteShe does. Aurora. He's a little Cocker Spaniel. Maybe I should have written a bigger, more aggressive dog for her? :-)Thanks, for visiting!
DeleteA vivid showing of someone in a panic! She should be looking for something to arm herself with. If there really is someone out there determined to get in, locked doors won't hold them back for long!
ReplyDeleteComing up next! ;-) Thanks for visiting, Ian!
DeleteGreat line - late is better than too late.
ReplyDeleteTweeted.
Thanks, Daryl! One of my favorites in this book. I'm often wonder when I revisit something I've written, where a particular line came from. :-)
DeleteHer survival mode has kicked in! Made me anxious, too. Great scene, pulled me right in. :)
ReplyDeleteCheck this line: I inch father back... I think it should be: I inch 'farther' back. Right?
Ha! Yep. She doesn't have her dad with her. ;-) Good catch. Thanks, Karen! :-)
DeleteEven I'm panicking- what is out there?
ReplyDeleteHaha! Well, something she'll get to face tomorrow. You can breathe a sigh of relief for her tonight. ;-) Thanks, Elyzabeth!
DeleteOh, man, this is making me nervous! You do a great job building the tension here. Must read more!
ReplyDeleteWoot! I'm glad to read your words, Julie! :-) Thank you!
DeleteShe's certainly not in a good situation - I can feel her anxiety coming right off the page. Great job of describing the scene and her panicky actions!
ReplyDeleteThat means so much coming from you, Jean! Thank you!
DeleteSuch a vividly realistic scene, Teresa. Super snippet!
ReplyDeleteThank you, dear girl. <3
DeleteShe's doing well just to think of locking up! This is a nice excerpt full of emotion.
ReplyDeleteHaha! Yep. I think my own inner-scaredy-cat came through in this scene. lol Thanks, Elaine!
DeleteHiding in a closet won't help, will it!!?? Yikes.
ReplyDelete~Sigh~ If it's all she's got. ;-)Thanks, Sheila! :-)
DeleteYour snippet had me hooked. I like the mystery behind the suspense. Who or what is looking through the window? Well done.
ReplyDeleteKeep smiling,
Yawatta
Thanks, Yawatta!! :-)
DeleteGreat tension, and very relatable. I can imagine a long and sleepless night ahead of her.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Alexis! Yeah, she'll have to rely on exhaustion to knock her out. :-)
DeletePretty awesome. The should have done it sooner, makes you wonder if something is already inside... building suspense. Excellent.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jeff! :-) !
DeleteMy mind would be going in crazy circles, too. Nothing worse than what you don't know.
ReplyDeleteI think your statement summarized it all. The fear of the unknown is the worst... Thanks, Diane! :-)
DeleteI'm glad she's keeping a, mostly, cool head over this. It's never an easy feeling knowing something is outside that could see in.
ReplyDeleteYou're absolutely right! It is hard to keep a cool head! :-) Thanks, Aldrea.
Delete