Weekend Writing Warriors: August 2, 2015

 

                 Hello, Warriors-- my favorite writers in the whole wide world. :-) Happy August!   And another week has passed, so it's time for the Warriors to gather  again. :-)             

Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 to 10 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday, and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good. 
                 Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE

This is Chapter 4 from my SFR WIP, Across The Night Sky . This week, Marrisa is intrigued by his eyes.  Last week, the reader got a good look at him, from her POV.  The final sentence was:
Black as ebony? Only things in fairy tales are black as ebony, except of course, ebony.  


We continue from there:

He winced while he tried to sit up straight.

 She shuddered. His eyes really weren't right. Not only were they a weird shade of gold, the pupils were long and narrow. He had animal eyes. She wondered if he could see in the dark like cats did. And come to think of it, his eyes looked fever-glazed. Maybe it was just how they were? She laid her wrist against his forehead. The corners of his lips turned up, then he relaxed against her shoulder and closed his eyes.

      
 

That's it. What works? What doesn't? I'm so very grateful for any comment or criticism you leave. :-)

Weekend Writing Warriors: September 28, 2014

Welcome Warriors, and Snipsuns.  So glad you could stop by for a visit. :-)  

The last weekend of September. WOW! WOW! WOW!

Before you move on this week, I've posted (below my snippet) the link to a First Page Review (first 1,000 words) bloghop. If you have time, please give it a read and maybe think about it? :-)
 
     Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good.

     Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE

      The travelers are now on the boat that is taking them upriver into the Firce Mountains.  Tayden has just asked Wiley(river driver) if his Maker ever answers when he talks to him.  Wiley's answering him, telling him a story from "back before this hair was gray."   :-)  We are still in Kad's POV. Final sentence from last week:

"And then the water swallowed me, and I was holdin' my breath and fighting for the surface.”

Possible creative punctuation at work.


"When I finally broke onto the top of the water, the boat was upright and bucking wild. It must have righted itself while I was under. I tried swimming for it, but every time I came to the surface, a big wave shoved me back down. It sure seemed like I was sucking in way more water than air." Wiley scrunched his face and shook his head from side to side before he continued. "Then, and I still can’t explain how, the water settled real still between me and the boat. I swam over to it in a hurry, like the devil was nippin' at my heels. I looked up and seen that the man of different skin was already on board, leaning over the side with his hand reaching toward me."  That's it. What works, what doesn't?

 
Blog-hop announcement: There is a linky-list posted here, for the First Page Review bloghop . This is separate from Weekend Writing Warriors.
     The idea is this: Do you want to know what  readers think when they read the first page of your book?  
     I don't know about anyone else, but I'm probably more insecure about the first page than I am about anything else. The idea of trying to grab a readers' attention, and to try to entice them with the beginning of a story is an enormous challenge. And like most writers, I'm blind to my own work. And I can't be completely different from other writers--you guys are a little insecure, too, right?  :-) 
     That's the motivation for the First Page Review. You can post up to 1,000 words--the beginning of a book, published or unpublished, a manuscript, or an unfinished WIP. The blog-hop will run the month of October. I've already posted mine. And, my book's title looks awfully lonely on the sign up list. ~smiling~
Thank you so much for visiting and sharing your opinion. I'm grateful for each and every opinion, and each and every one of you!

Weekend Writing Warrior: September 21, 2014

Welcome Warriors, and Snipsuns.  So glad you could stop by for a visit. :-)  The last (official) weekend of summer is racing by. WOW! We have some red leaves here already.
 
     Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good.

     Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE

      The travelers are now on the boat that is taking them upriver into the Firce Mountains.  Tayden has just asked Wiley(river driver) if his Maker ever answers when he talks to him.  Wiley's answering him, telling him a story from "back before this hair was gray."   :-)  We are still in Kad's POV. Final sentence from last week:

"Fore I knowed  it, that old wood boat was taking a tumble in front of a wall of water.”

Creative punctuation to make this fit.




"Now, I won’t lie, I coulda just as easily pissed my pants as not. Maybe I did. Never been so scared in my life—I  didn’t think I was gonna come out the other side alive. Everything was dark: the sky, the air, the water. Couldn’t tell up from down. While we were fallin’ into the inky deep, I caught a glimpse of my fare just before the rolling boat launched him. He had this strange, peaceful look on his face.  And then the water swallowed me, and I was holdin my breath and fighting for the surface."





 That's it. What works, what doesn't?

A quick note: Since it affects some of our regulars--and because we're all writers and ultimately, these challenges affect us all.  For Ellora's Cave authors who are now having difficulties getting paid--I  don't know what caused it, but I hope it's cleared up quickly.

Thank you so much for visiting and sharing your opinion. I'm grateful for each and every opinion, and each and every one of you!

Weekend Writing Warriors: September 7, 2014

 

Weekend Writing Warriors

Welcome Warriors, and Snipsuns.  So glad you could stop by for a visit. :-) We've just today taken a turn toward autumn-ish weather. This morning we were in shorts and tanks-mid 80s and humid. This afternoon, mid 60s and windy. Remind me in January how I whined about the hot and humid weather. :-)

 
     Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, to go live between noon, Saturday and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good.

     Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants do both, can be found HERE

      The travelers are now on the boat that is taking them upriver into the Firce Mountains.  Tayden has just asked Wiley(river driver) if his Maker ever answers when he talks to him.  Wiley's answering him, telling him a story from "back before this hair was gray."   :-)  We are still in Kad's POV.



"I'll never forget the day, or him. He wasn’t like me, no, he was real soft-spoken. And I remember his eyes, like they was lookin' right though me. Right off I reckoned he was a stranger to these parts... a man of different skin, different people. And I recollect thinkin' I had no need for him or his kind. He was no more a person to me than the rocks on the riverbank was. And if the rocks could'a paid me, I’d have hauled them upriver too. 'Money’s money' was what I always said." 

I'm seriously considering separating this story about his Maker answering him, from the rest of their first meeting, and have Wiley tell it to Tayden when it's just the two of them together. I'm concerned that Wiley will come off "preachy"--as Marcia rightly cautioned me a couple of weeks ago--if I have too much of it too close together. The story has to stay (for now),  since all of you lovely wewriwa readers have reacted positively to it. Wiley was originally a very insignificant character. But he's come to life right here in wewriwa posts. And I think he will work well as a confidante, and as a filter for Tayden to run his experience with Jumans through. Especially after Kad and Drave leave him on this world, alone. Ahem...you all knew that was coming, right? He's being stashed here in the boonies for his own safety.

That's it. What works, what doesn't? Thank you so much for visiting and sharing your opinion! I'm grateful for each and every opinion, and each and every one of you!