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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Weekend Writing Warriors February 24, 2013




 Week 4 "Endless and Hopeless"


Welcome to another #8sunday post.  Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop you can visit and sign up at by clicking here wewriwa.com.

The idea is simple. Sign the list which is posted by 10:00 AM EST on Mondays.  Then post 8 sentences of your writing on your own blog so other writers can visit, read and comment, crit, encourage, and get to know you, and vice versa :-)  It's for beginners and published pros alike.

My #8sunday post for this week:

Returning to my WIP, ATNS, and making the selection for today's 8 sentences using the random scrolling method, I've landed fairly early in the story.

Rissa, the main character, has had a bad evening, that included a run in with Cuylrh.  She's misses her son back on Earth, and she's homesick.  She's walked away from camp and is now sitting beside a small lake. 



"Starlight danced, bobbing up and down on ripples as the cool, night breeze stirred the dark water. Goosebumps prickled Rissa’s arms and legs as she looked from the lake, up to the heavens at the blackness of forever.


The endless sky—it used to hold all the wonder, all the mystery and magic of existence… proof there was something more.  Yeah, there was always something beyond what the eye could see. And that had brought with it the simple knowledge that even if today was best left forgotten, something else was waiting, tomorrow. 
 

Until now.  Home was somewhere in the endless, and it didn’t take a rocket scientist to know that to search the endless… was hopeless."

That's it.  What jumps out at you, good or bad. I'd love to hear it.  Thank you so much for visiting!

Visit the other "great eight" posters by clicking  HERE.  
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55 comments:

  1. HistorySleuthFebruary 24, 2013 at 9:41 AM

    Well this jumped out at me, "Home was somewhere in the endless..." I like that. I felt the vast loneliness she is feeling. Good post.

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  2. Jianne CarloFebruary 24, 2013 at 10:25 AM

    The post really reflects how small she feels in the vastness. Nicely done.

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    1. Teresa CypherFebruary 24, 2013 at 12:32 PM

      Thanks, Jianne! She does have those moments when she is humbled to a grain of sand. :-)

      Delete
  3. OwlladyFebruary 24, 2013 at 10:39 AM

    Great piece! Succinct but emotional. As a writer I get the feeling you put a lot of thought into certain phrases but I'm sure the average reader will just be impressed at how easy the scene flows :D

    A wonderful example IMHO of tight writing.

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    1. Teresa CypherFebruary 24, 2013 at 12:56 PM

      Oh damn, my hat won't fit me now. :-) Thanks, Marcia!

      It is amazing how posting in small snippets makes us slow down and really polish them. And it's good practice for polishing all of our stuff. :-)

      Delete
  4. Daezarkian13February 24, 2013 at 10:42 AM

    Funny how the sky can represent both endless possibilities and endless despair. Great excerpt, packed with emotion. Good stuff.

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    1. Teresa CypherFebruary 24, 2013 at 12:57 PM

      Thanks, Steven! It's all a fine balance, emotion, scene, character... Still learning. :-)

      Delete
  5. NanFebruary 24, 2013 at 10:48 AM

    Wow, Theresa, I can feel her "mom" lonely--love how you build the emotionality with "Home was somewhere in the endless..." So very poignant. I'm in...

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    1. Teresa CypherFebruary 24, 2013 at 1:11 PM

      Thanks, Nan. :-) It's nice to know what's working.

      Delete
  6. BotanistFebruary 24, 2013 at 11:20 AM

    Pretty grim realization, very effectively expressed.

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  7. Kate WarrenFebruary 24, 2013 at 12:37 PM

    "the blackness of forever" really caught me. Great line. Poor, poor Rissa!

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    1. Teresa CypherFebruary 24, 2013 at 1:12 PM

      Thanks, Kate. I'm always curious which lines will speak to a reader. :-)

      Delete
  8. Jess SchiraFebruary 24, 2013 at 12:46 PM

    Rissa isn't the only who got goosebumps. Your first paragraph is stunning.

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    1. Teresa CypherFebruary 24, 2013 at 1:14 PM

      Thanks, Jess! :-) I love that the emotions came through. :-)

      Delete
  9. AnonymousFebruary 24, 2013 at 1:24 PM

    "..to search the endless..." Love that. Very powerful piece of writing.

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  10. Veronica ScottFebruary 24, 2013 at 1:31 PM

    Beautiful, poignant snippet...loved the description of the endless sky. Such an excellent excerpt!

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  11. Sarah WFebruary 24, 2013 at 1:59 PM

    That poor woman--I expect that for her, home isn't a somewhere, but someone . . .

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    1. Teresa CypherFebruary 24, 2013 at 4:15 PM

      You are perceptive, Sarah :-) Thanks for visiting.

      Delete
  12. Debbie D. February 24, 2013 at 2:43 PM

    That last sentence certainly conveys Rissa's despair. I feel badly for her. Nice turn of phrase too: "Home is somewhere in the endless".

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    1. Teresa CypherFebruary 24, 2013 at 4:16 PM

      Thanks, Debbie. All her suffering eventually leads to a hide as tough as leather. Softened leather :-) Thanks for visiting.

      Delete
  13. Sue Ann BowlingFebruary 24, 2013 at 2:57 PM

    Not even knowing where home is... I feel for her.

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  14. S.J. MayleeFebruary 24, 2013 at 4:18 PM

    The last sentence in each paragraph, they each hold such power. Well done.

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  15. AnonymousFebruary 24, 2013 at 4:31 PM

    Each sentence contains power, Teresa. Very moving and a hint of foreshadowing all wrapped up in eight.

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    1. Teresa CypherFebruary 24, 2013 at 8:57 PM

      Thanks, Charmaine. It's interesting what different readers find in a bit of writing :-)

      Delete
  16. Elaine CantrellFebruary 24, 2013 at 5:30 PM

    So emotional, and very moving. Well done.

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  17. Mandy EarlesFebruary 24, 2013 at 6:04 PM

    Really great descriptions. It reminds me of when we are kids and we think anything is possible. The universe is vast and we want to explore every inch of it... and then we wake up as adults to realize dreaming is a waste of time. Or well, that's how this piece made me feel. Wonderful job!

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    1. Teresa CypherFebruary 24, 2013 at 9:49 PM

      Thanks, Mandy. Yeah, it's something like that. Don't you think that writers--whenever we finally come to accept that we are writers, also admit that we are still quite the dreamers? :-)

      Delete
  18. UnknownFebruary 24, 2013 at 7:08 PM

    Teresa, have I ever mentioned how much I LOVE the way your mind works. I can picture that scene, I can feel her loneliness and the despair... ugh... just gorgeous. :)

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  19. KSJFebruary 24, 2013 at 7:46 PM

    Speaking from experience -- not knowing where your baby is, who they're with, what they're doing... Not being able to comfort them when they're crying... You've nailed it. Great job, I can't wait to see how it turns out :)

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    1. Teresa CypherFebruary 24, 2013 at 9:51 PM

      Oh, Keeley, I'm sorry it brought a heartache to you. And I thank you for sharing that with me. No truer affirmation could I be given that I am on the right course. :-)

      Delete
  20. Siobhan MuirFebruary 24, 2013 at 8:43 PM

    Such dark desolation. Nicely done, Teresa. :)

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    1. Teresa CypherFebruary 24, 2013 at 9:52 PM

      Thanks, Siobhan. I'm glad you got that from this snippet. :-)

      Delete
  21. Virginia KellyFebruary 24, 2013 at 9:33 PM

    It all jumps out because it's great :-) Love how she looks "up to the heavens at the blackness of forever" and how it sets up her despair. Very, very good!

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    1. Teresa CypherFebruary 24, 2013 at 9:53 PM

      Thank you, Virginia! I'm blushing again. But I'm smiling, too! :-)

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  22. Sarah BallanceFebruary 24, 2013 at 11:05 PM

    This is a beautiful, heartfelt piece. Amazing job!

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  23. Red Wing citizenFebruary 24, 2013 at 11:51 PM

    It is so obvious from this, that you are a pro!!! What beautiful descriptions of a heaven even with different arrangements. You feel her despair of home, her sense of loss about it, and yet you can feel her strength. She is not giving up yet.

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    1. Teresa CypherFebruary 25, 2013 at 1:04 PM

      Thanks, Carol. Oh, she wears her heart on her sleeve, but this empire has no pity. She has to toughen or die trying. :-)

      Delete
  24. MelonieFebruary 25, 2013 at 12:41 AM

    Oooh, you pull me and make me connect with a relatable feeling, then change it up and now I want to know what has happened to cause this shift in the character's attitude? Nice work!

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    1. Teresa CypherFebruary 25, 2013 at 2:03 PM

      Thanks, TODM! :-) I'm glad is made you question the shift. :-)

      Delete
  25. Paula MartinFebruary 25, 2013 at 4:55 AM

    Lovely description, and her despair comes through perfectly with the words 'somewhere in the endless'.

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  26. Valentina HepburnFebruary 25, 2013 at 4:56 AM

    Love this, Teresa. Very poignant - I feel her pain and longing for her child. And her despair. Beautifully written.

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    1. Teresa CypherFebruary 25, 2013 at 2:05 PM

      Thanks, Valentina! I hope you join us some Sunday--and post 8 of your own. :-) Thanks for visiting :-)

      Delete
  27. JohnFebruary 25, 2013 at 1:08 PM

    Nice description. I get a sense of utter futility and despair being 'somewhere in the endless'.

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    1. Teresa CypherFebruary 25, 2013 at 2:06 PM

      Thanks, John. Yeppers, plenty of it to go around. :-)

      Delete

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