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It's time for snips and bits of amazing tales by talented
writers! Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week,
participants sign up HERE
at wewriwa.com, then post 8 to 10 sentences of their work, published or
unpublished, on their own blog to go live by before 9:00 AM Sunday,
EST. (We check signups to remove links when we don't find a wewriwa
post--to save our participants from clicking on empty links--so please
have it live by 9:00 Sunday morning--eastern USA). Then we visit each
other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a
solitary writer's heart good.
This week's snippet: Moving ahead in my WIP, jumping many chapters to give you a glimpse of the male MC--a very complex soul. He is alien, capable of reading minds, and Lily has just had an argument with one of his Chays (sort of like monks. They care for him and help with his task on the ship.) The argument was ugly, and Theusand disciplined his Chay upon his return to his quarters. In case you don't recall, this is Lord Sand, and no one may gaze upon his icy blue eyes without first being invited by him to do so. He's just explained where she should walk--relative to him. Please excuse creative punctuation used to stay within guidelines. The last line last week was was, "You will walk only one half step behind, nearly beside me.”
This week's snippet: Moving ahead in my WIP, jumping many chapters to give you a glimpse of the male MC--a very complex soul. He is alien, capable of reading minds, and Lily has just had an argument with one of his Chays (sort of like monks. They care for him and help with his task on the ship.) The argument was ugly, and Theusand disciplined his Chay upon his return to his quarters. In case you don't recall, this is Lord Sand, and no one may gaze upon his icy blue eyes without first being invited by him to do so. He's just explained where she should walk--relative to him. Please excuse creative punctuation used to stay within guidelines. The last line last week was was, "You will walk only one half step behind, nearly beside me.”
Only one half step? Hell, she should
kiss his feet for letting her be danged near his equal. She struggled to keep her rage unspoken. As if it would make any
difference if she managed to stifle the words; he already knew every venomous thought swirling
in her head.
Her husband was nothing like this despicable
excuse for a man. Ever since their wedding day, she and Ben were a fifty-fifty team, raising children,
paying the bills, and in everything else they did. There was never a time he’d
given her reason to think she was less in his eyes. That’d be the day--the
damned day— he’d ever tell her to walk half a step behind him.
She had to get
home, back to him, back to a world that made sense. She wanted to scream.
This scene is not over... That's it for this week. What works and what doesn't? I'm
grateful for every bit of feedback you share.
It feels right her to think about her life with her husband at this moment. Not only is it appropriate for her to miss what's gone, it's also a nice bit of foreshadowing in that by juxtaposing the husband with this guy, you're subtly hinting that the latter will be a good guy, even if he doesn't measure up in this scene.
ReplyDeleteLord Sand it going to have a tough time keeping Lily in 'her place'. It should be an interesting experience for him, I think!
ReplyDeleteLol, he thinks he's being more than fair. This story has a lot of twists in it.
ReplyDeletePlease get her home again. Oh what you've put her through in this incredible story. Wonderful!
ReplyDeleteLOL I love her attitude and how she doesn't care that he knows her thoughts. Also illustrates how different their cultures are. Great snippet! :)
ReplyDeleteHer emotions come through very clearly - excellent excerpt! I hope Lord Sand learns a few things here...
ReplyDeleteI love how the fact that she knows he can read her thoughts makes her compare him unfavorably to her husband.
ReplyDeleteWhat a disadvantage that he can read her every thought. I guess that's his punishment too, to know exactly how she thinks and feels about him at every moment. I hope she can get back home--and that Ben will still be there.
ReplyDeleteI think aliens must be very different from us, although we have hierarchical societies. He must be learning how different from her thoughts.
ReplyDeleteLOL - her thoughts echo my own when he said that! You go, Lily, and don't hold back on the furious thoughts. Maybe you'll give him a headache :)
ReplyDeleteI like her! Good for her for not caring that he could read her thoughts. Maybe he'll learn something!
ReplyDeleteI can't blame her for her anger or wanting to get back home. Great snippet
ReplyDeleteI can feel her rage and longing for home. Good job.
ReplyDeleteI would want to scream, too. And punch something.
ReplyDeleteHave I mentioned how much I love her? Because I LOVE her. :D
ReplyDeleteFair is relative, I suppose. But he's not making me like him!
ReplyDeleteGreat insight to her life with her husband. It makes me think though her life is very different than she's used to maybe this alien isn't going to be as bad as she's thinking.
ReplyDeleteSounds so frustrating.
ReplyDeleteHer anger and frustration run deep - and it's good that Lord Sand can read her thoughts. He might learn something.
ReplyDeleteLove this. I don't think I'd be able to keep myself from thinking the same thoughts. Or even stay silent.
ReplyDeleteThe arrogance of total control doesn't lend itself to "hearing" the truth through her thoughts. I really like the dynamics in this story.
ReplyDeleteHe seems to be a patient man if he hasn't reacted to her venomous thoughts. Thoughts, on the other hand, which are not surprising. She's been through hell.
ReplyDelete