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A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Sunday, March 26, 2017

Weekend Writing Warriors March 26, 2017





Hello fellow Warriors (and Snippeteers)! First, a short note about sidebar promos.  :-) Sidebar promos spots are available at no cost as a perk of regularly participating in Weekend Writing Warriors. If you're interested, all we need is an email from you that includes the link to the Amazon page of the book you'd like to see on our sidebar. Our email address is: wewriwa at yahoo dot com



  It's time for snips and bits of amazing tales by talented writers! Weekend Writing Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HERE at wewriwa.com, then post 8 to 10 sentences of their work, published or unpublished, on their own blog to go live by before 9:00 AM Sunday, EST. (We check signups to remove links when we don't find a wewriwa post--to save our participants from clicking on empty links--so please have it live by 9:00 Sunday morning--eastern USA). Then we visit each other and read, comment, critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart good.  
                This week's snippet:  Moving ahead in my WIP, jumping many chapters to give you a glimpse of the male MC--a very complex soul. He is alien, capable of reading minds, and Lily has just had an argument with one of his Chays (sort of like monks. They care for him and help with his task on the ship.) The argument was ugly, and Theusand disciplined his Chay upon his return to his quarters. In case you don't recall, this is Lord Sand, and no one may gaze upon his icy blue eyes without first being invited by him to do so. He's just explained where she should walk--relative to him. Please excuse creative punctuation used  to stay within guidelines. The last line last week was was, "
You will walk only one half step behind, nearly beside me.”

Only one half step? Hell, she should kiss his feet for letting her be danged near his equal. She struggled to keep her rage unspoken. As if it would make any difference if she managed to stifle the words; he already knew every venomous thought swirling in her head.  

Her husband was nothing like this despicable excuse for a man. Ever since their wedding day, she and Ben were a fifty-fifty team, raising children, paying the bills, and in everything else they did. There was never a time he’d given her reason to think she was less in his eyes. That’d be the day--the damned day— he’d ever tell her to walk half a step behind him. 
She had to get home, back to him, back to a world that made sense. She wanted to scream.

This scene is not over... That's it for this week. What works and what doesn't? I'm grateful for every bit of feedback you share.

22 comments:

  1. It feels right her to think about her life with her husband at this moment. Not only is it appropriate for her to miss what's gone, it's also a nice bit of foreshadowing in that by juxtaposing the husband with this guy, you're subtly hinting that the latter will be a good guy, even if he doesn't measure up in this scene.

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  2. Lord Sand it going to have a tough time keeping Lily in 'her place'. It should be an interesting experience for him, I think!

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  3. Lol, he thinks he's being more than fair. This story has a lot of twists in it.

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  4. Please get her home again. Oh what you've put her through in this incredible story. Wonderful!

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  5. LOL I love her attitude and how she doesn't care that he knows her thoughts. Also illustrates how different their cultures are. Great snippet! :)

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  6. Her emotions come through very clearly - excellent excerpt! I hope Lord Sand learns a few things here...

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  7. I love how the fact that she knows he can read her thoughts makes her compare him unfavorably to her husband.

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  8. What a disadvantage that he can read her every thought. I guess that's his punishment too, to know exactly how she thinks and feels about him at every moment. I hope she can get back home--and that Ben will still be there.

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  9. I think aliens must be very different from us, although we have hierarchical societies. He must be learning how different from her thoughts.

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  10. LOL - her thoughts echo my own when he said that! You go, Lily, and don't hold back on the furious thoughts. Maybe you'll give him a headache :)

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  11. I like her! Good for her for not caring that he could read her thoughts. Maybe he'll learn something!

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  12. I can't blame her for her anger or wanting to get back home. Great snippet

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  13. I can feel her rage and longing for home. Good job.

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  14. I would want to scream, too. And punch something.

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  15. Have I mentioned how much I love her? Because I LOVE her. :D

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  16. Fair is relative, I suppose. But he's not making me like him!

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  17. Great insight to her life with her husband. It makes me think though her life is very different than she's used to maybe this alien isn't going to be as bad as she's thinking.

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  18. Her anger and frustration run deep - and it's good that Lord Sand can read her thoughts. He might learn something.

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  19. Love this. I don't think I'd be able to keep myself from thinking the same thoughts. Or even stay silent.

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  20. The arrogance of total control doesn't lend itself to "hearing" the truth through her thoughts. I really like the dynamics in this story.

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  21. He seems to be a patient man if he hasn't reacted to her venomous thoughts. Thoughts, on the other hand, which are not surprising. She's been through hell.

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