This week, immersing myself in editing Aaydan's Tale, I pulled out this snippet from the second chapter. For this particular scene, I worked a local (fictional) dialect in. Is it irritating? Distracting? There is a full page of it in this scene, and a few other pages scattered throughout the book.
In this scene, the reader still has not been told that the tall man is Aaydan--the newborn from the first chapter. And Aaydan is wearing a hood, pulled forward to hide his face.
"Stepping up to the bar, Kad ordered two sloshes, dark and strong, one for him and one for Drave.
The barkeep nodded the third man’s direction and said, “N’what’ll he have?”
Kad noted the barkeep’s studious appraisal of the shadow hiding his tall friend’s face, “He'll have a shot'o the grain, and a chaser'o cherry brew for warshing it down.”
Remaining stone-faced, Kad watched Drave smirk after turning his head away. The accent was foreign, but was necessary to pass as local brogue.
It had worked. The barkeep’s looks of suspicion faded as soon as Kad had ordered for the man without a face; hard alcohol removed certain possibilities."
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A quick plug for my critique partner, Daniela, at Idiots and Earthquakes. Daniela is new to the Six Sentence Sunday, and hopes people will visit her and comment. :-)